


Like It's All I Have

by potentiality_26



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, First Time, Harry Lives, Implied/Referenced Past Abuse, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 01:39:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10731501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiality_26/pseuds/potentiality_26
Summary: Thereweredifficulties between them; Harry would be a fool to deny that even though he was willing to put them aside.  He simply wanted to love Eggsy as well as he could for as long as he could.  That seemed like it was worth the occasional hiccup.  And indeed, no reason they might not be good together seemed like much more than a hiccup to Harry- except one: if Eggsy really didn’t see him that way and never could.But that was one thing Eggsy hadn’t said.  He had said he wasn’t sure, many times, and while that wasn’t ayesit wasn’t anoeither.  So the question was: were those difficulties enough, for Eggsy, to prevent him from ever feeling the way Harry did?  Or had they only kept him from seeing an affection that was actually already there- or could be, with a little tending?Winning over Eggsy can't possibly be the hardest thing Harry has ever had to do.





	Like It's All I Have

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Netbush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netbush/gifts).



> My Fandom Trumps Hate offering! The title comes from _Love Me Now_ by John Legend, which is a bit less hopeful than the fic itself, but the song came on the radio while I was thinking about it one day, and it fit too well not to use. I do re-purpose a joke from the Star Trek reboots here. I'm sure you'll know it when you see it. 
> 
> Not Brit-picked.

“I just...”  Eggsy hesitated, apology writ large across his face.  “I don’t think this was such a good idea.”

Harry regarded him in silence for a moment.  The light was bad, but pressed this close he was able to count Eggsy's eyelashes.  He was on sixteen.  "Don't you trust me?" he asked quietly.

Eggsy's eyes flew wide.  "Of course I do!" he hissed.  "To tell me when to break cover or to open my chute or to jump off a building.  This is bigger than that.  This is-"

Harry couldn't argue- less because Eggsy was right than because he heard footsteps getting closer.  "Shh," he said sharply.  He lifted his hands, covering Eggsy's mouth and holding an illustrative finger up to his own.  The footsteps made a circuit of the adjoining room, paused, and then moved towards the door again.  Harry waited for the sound to fade entirely before turning his full attention back to Eggsy.  "As I recall, you got us into this.  If anyone should have cold feet, it's me." 

"Sorry, Harry," came Eggsy's muffled voice.  His eyes were still all remorseful and cow-wide, but his lips were twitching under Harry's palm.  He was going to crack, and soon. 

Convinced that the owner of the footsteps was well and truly gone, Harry released Eggsy.  Sure enough, the look of exaggerated contrition on his face had broken in two, laughter leaking from his eyes and mouth.  "You little shit," Harry said, trying and failing to glare.

Eggsy nudged him playfully.  "You really thought I might chicken out on you?"

"I really thought you might take this seriously."  Harry knew his point was rather undermined by his own twitching lips.  "We are risking life and limb, after all."

"Yes, Harry."  Eggsy obediently grew serious, but his eyes were still dancing.    

Harry lifted his eyes heavenward- or at least ceilingward.  A good cleaning was desperately needed up there.  Harry's shoulder was wedged between the wall and a musty old jumpsuit.  What Harry suspected was part of a bagpipe was digging into his hip.  Just how- he couldn't help wondering- had he ended up here? 

There had been an unusual lull in Kingsman's activity over the last week or so, and Eggsy- being one of the few Kingsman with a family at home- had gone surprisingly stir crazy.  Harry knew he ought to have kept a better eye on his protégée, but he hadn’t.  Thus, he didn’t realize anything was wrong until Eggsy came to him in the early hours of the morning and said the three words of which most Kingsman lived in fear: _Percival bet me..._

Percival was the quiet sort- buttoned up, the former Lancelot used to say- but he handled being at loose ends much worse than his more flamboyant colleagues.  He had learned long ago that his fellow agents all had one thing in common: none of them could pass up a dare.  When he had time on his hands, he liked to fill it by betting that they couldn't do certain things.  And when Harry heard what exactly Percival had bet that Eggsy couldn’t do, he should have left Eggsy to his own devices- but it was a matter of pride. 

Eggsy had been Harry’s candidate, and also his regular mission partner ever since their new Arthur decided that Harry shouldn’t be in the field alone so soon after an injury as serious as the one he received just before V-Day.  Harry was damned if he would let Eggsy lose a bet to Percival. 

That, Harry supposed, was how he had ended up here: hidden in a closet and pressed so close to Eggsy that he could feel him _breathe_.  Pride.

"Think we're clear?" Eggsy asked.  

"I believe so."

“Okay.”  Eggsy’s fingers hooked around the knob, and he slid the door open.

Harry peered out of the closet and into Merlin’s office.  Sure as he had been that the office was unoccupied, he still breathed a little sigh of relief when he confirmed that they were alone.  The application of a few bribes down in the technical branch had gotten them advance warning of anyone headed their way, and temporarily disabled the office’s security cameras- and auxiliary security cameras- so they were as close to truly alone as it was possible to be in Merlin’s territory. 

“Okay,” Eggsy said again, clearly breathing his own sigh of relief.  “Let’s do this and get out, yeah?”

Harry smiled again.  So Eggsy’s apprehension wasn’t _all_ feigned.  That was good- because while Harry’s _life and limb_ might have been an overstatement, it wasn’t much of one.  Merlin handled practical jokes well- few better- but his retribution was always swift and usually bloody.  The only way to get through such a thing unscathed was to leave a trail leading to someone else- in this case, justly, Percival. 

As Harry understood it, Eggsy and Percival had been discussing Eggsy's light-fingered past when Percival bet that Eggsy couldn't get into Merlin’s safe and steal his current most prized possession: a very fine bottle of single malt scotch.  Eggsy had boasted that _of course_ he could get into one measly safe- forgetting that the hardest part of stealing from Merlin was not, and never had been, the safe.  In Eggsy’s defense, common sense had quickly prevailed and he had gone to Harry more for advice on how to gracefully admit defeat than anything else, but- well, again.  Pride.

Harry leaned against Merlin’s desk as nonchalantly as he could, watching the door with his arms crossed over his chest.  One could never be too careful.

“Got it,” Eggsy said, springing up from his crouch with a bottle in his hand.

Harry blinked.  That was quick work; he was sorry he’d missed it.    

“All right,” he said, straightening up.  “One more stop and we’re free and clear.”  The plan was to deposit the bottle in Percival’s rooms at the manor.  This would prove to Percival that Eggsy had done the job- and cast suspicion on him at the same time. 

“Yeah,” Eggsy agreed.  Then he froze, eyes almost crazily wide.  “Harry.  We might actually be in trouble."

Harry stopped.  "Oh?"

"I might have forgotten to take my glasses off record."  

The glasses perched innocently on his nose, since Eggsy- like Harry and a lot of the other Kingsman- had gotten rather used to wearing them more often than not.  Harry didn’t know if Eggsy was pulling his leg again.  He still didn’t when he said, “ _You_?  _You_ forgot, after the incident with the princess?"

“...Yes?”

"I ask because Merlin almost certainly told you then to please remember when to turn them off, since his thoughts on the subject take up nearly ten pages of his V-Day report.”

Eggsy nodded miserably.  He did look worried, though thankfully not that Harry was genuinely angry with him.  It had been months since Eggsy had last reacted to a scolding from Harry as though he actually thought he might not be forgiven- might not have been forgiven before Harry even opened his mouth- but Harry still liked to tread carefully.  It had always been his habit to bicker with those he was close to; he got the sense that Eggsy didn’t want to be an exception, but that he might also always be more... sensitive to such things than, say, Merlin was.     

Harry couldn’t have been happier the first time Eggsy felt secure enough in their friendship to take his needling- and give back as good as he got.

In truth, Harry was almost laughing.  “All right,” he said.  “ _Two_ more stops and we’re free and clear.  From the technical branch I should be able to redirect the footage- but it _is_ a problem.  Ever since he couldn't get into my mainframe after that business with Professor Arnold, Merlin’s suspected that I’m better with computers than I let on.”

Eggsy's lips were twitching again, but he fought them.  "Yes, Harry," he said solemnly. 

“I don’t know why I always let you drag me into these things.”

Eggsy’s lips finally won the battle and twisted up into a smirk.  “‘Cos you love me?”

Which- God help him- Harry did.

Harry had known, of course, that he loved Eggsy for some time.  If he had to pinpoint the specific moment when he first realized, he supposed it would have to be right before he was shot in that church parking lot.  Right when he caught himself thinking _please let me live_ , and not for any reason more sensible than because he wanted to tell Eggsy that he was sorry for what he said, for the way he behaved, for ever suggesting that the things he had done since he met Eggsy had been in service of anyone but Eggsy himself. 

He had assumed, of course, that the love was platonic in nature- which, for a man with few friends and even fewer living relatives, was more than love enough. 

Looking at Eggsy now, it occurred to Harry that he had been wrong about that.  The lights were low in the office, and the multi-colored glow cast by the various monitors shone across Eggsy’s face.  On an intellectual level Harry had known that Eggsy was an attractive young man- but he had never _felt_ it like this.  Had Eggsy’s eyes always danced so beautifully?  Had his jaw line always been so sharp? 

Harry supposed the part where he let pride goad him into helping Eggsy steal from Merlin ought to have let clued him in to his feelings- if the part where he counted Eggsy’s eyelashes in a quiet moment did not.

He finally did laugh, more at himself than anything.

Eggsy must have detected the change in Harry's mood, because a worried line formed between his eyebrows and he said, “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Harry assured him.  He forced a smile.  There was no point in fussing about it now.   

*   *   *

Of course, that didn’t keep Harry from fussing about it later.

He wasn’t sure he had ever found himself in a situation like this one; he was even less sure he liked it. 

To celebrate the successful theft of the scotch, Harry had taken Eggsy to a pub.  He caught himself staring whenever Eggsy smiled.  He felt a dramatic sigh hovering on his lips whenever Eggsy launched into a tale of derring-do from before he and Harry were partnered.  He almost invited Eggsy home with him whenever he opened his mouth, almost made it clear that he did _not_ mean to sleep it off in his spare room.  It was a problem. 

"Another round?" Harry asked. 

They had had only one each, which for Harry barely took the edge off.  Eggsy wasn't much of a drinker, and Harry had been trying to drink less around him- but tonight they were celebrating, and Harry was in a quandary.  He didn't want Eggsy to leave, but he wasn't sure he could trust himself to be sensible around him either. 

Harry didn't know that another round would solve this problem, but it was hard to imagine how things could get worse. 

"Nah," Eggsy said.  "I gotta get home."

"Oh," Harry said.  "I see."

He wasn't aware of pouting, but he must have been because Eggsy laughed at him.  "Daisy's been tough to put down the last couple weeks.  Mum don't mind if I can't help 'cos I'm working, but if I come home late and smelling like booze..."

"Yes- yes of course."  Harry inspected the grain on the table.  He had always known intellectually that Eggsy and his family carried certain things with them and always would- but the thought had never struck him this painfully before.

Eggsy laid a hand on his arm- so gentle and yet so _warm_.  "You okay?  You need a ride or anything?"

"I'm fine," Harry said.  "And I'll _be_ fine, you go."

"'Kay."  Eggsy sounded only faintly skeptical, so at least that much self-control was not lost to Harry.  Yet.  "I'll see you around, then?"

“Yes.”

Eggsy gave Harry’s arm a final squeeze, and then he was gone.  

Harry ordered another drink. 

He and Eggsy had found a nice spot toward the back of the pub, and as two drinks turned into three it seemed to Harry the best place in the world from which to think about his situation. 

Surely he had made worse miscalculations than this one. 

There were the truly abysmal ones, of course- the ones he tried not to think about and mostly succeeded until 2AM on a horrible night following a horrible day.  There were the smaller ones, like the time he underestimated Arthur’s willingness to send him on a mission to the arctic and leave him there for _weeks_.  Or the time a grenade tossed at exactly the wrong corner of a building resulted in it coming down on his head- resulting in turn in Merlin not speaking to him for a month, and resulting _in turn_ in Arthur sending him on that mission to the arctic in hopes of thawing the chill whenever he and Merlin were in the same room together.   

In comparison, falling in love with Eggsy seemed a relatively minor error, and yet- and yet Harry had less idea of what to do about it than he had any of those other times. 

He looked up from his fourth glass- or was it his fifth?  They were beginning to run together- and saw Merlin across the pub.  Across the pub and fast approaching, as if he had somehow been summoned by Harry's thinking of him a moment ago. 

Harry weighed the likelihood that Merlin knew about the scotch.

“All right,” Merlin said, flopping down in the seat across from Harry.  “What are you moping about?”

Harry put the likelihood at fairly low.  He scowled at his friend.  The chances that some pretty young thing would drop into that seat, and Harry would want them and forget all about Eggsy, had never been that high- but where there was life there was hope.  And now, instead, there was Merlin.  “I’m not moping,” he said. 

“You are,” Merlin insisted.  His tone was caught in a no man’s land between astonishment and glee. 

“I’m pondering.”

“Moping.”

“Processing.”

“ _Moping_.”  Merlin ticked points off on his fingers.  “You’re sitting alone in the back of a pub.  You’re drunk.  You’re moping.”

“Perhaps... I am,” Harry admitted with great reluctance.

“ _Ha_.”

Harry squinted at Merlin, who looked incandescently pleased to have won that round.  “Is it too much to ask for a little sympathy?”

“I’ll give you sympathy if you tell me what I’m meant to be sympathizing about.”

Merlin said this very magnanimously, but the effect was rather undermined by the light still in his eyes- a light that made Harry think Merlin was much more interested in laughing at his plight than pitying him for it. 

“Come on, Harry,” Merlin said.  “What exactly happened?”

What exactly happened?  Yes, yes- that was the question, and more difficult to answer than Harry had supposed before Merlin put it to him.  Suddenly a revelation which began hidden in a closet and ended with being in love with Eggsy seemed far less profound to Harry than it had previously.

Still, Harry started at the beginning and gave it his all. 

He hadn't gotten far before Merlin crowed.  “I knew that was you!” he said.  “Percival may start these things, but he never finishes them.  Hiding the bottle in his rooms wasn't your best idea."

Harry stopped.  Just when had he forgotten that the scotch was meant to be a secret?  _No matter_.  He waved a dismissive hand.  “Yes, yes, that was me.  But we are discussing more important things.” 

Merlin bowed his head.  “Oh, naturally.  Forgive the interruption.”

Harry suspected that Merlin wasn’t taking this altogether seriously, but he continued all the same.  There were indeed no further interruptions.

“That’s what’s got you so maudlin?” Merlin said when Harry was finished.  He made _that_ sound about six syllables long.  “You’re in love with Eggsy?”

Merlin sounded unusually unimpressed, even for him- and though there was certainly surprise in his voice it was not of the variety Harry had anticipated.  “You knew,” he said, realizing it out loud. 

Merlin lifted an eyebrow, looking as if Harry had stated the incredibly obvious.  

“Does everyone know?”  Harry sat back sharply.  “Does _Eggsy_?”

Merlin softened a little and shook his head.  “You can take comfort that there, at least, is one person more oblivious than you are.”

“That’s a comfort, I suppose,” Harry said, though he wasn’t sure it was.  He wasn’t sure about too many things, lately.  Mostly he wasn’t sure what to do about Eggsy.  “What do I do,” he asked, “about Eggsy?”

“Well,” Merlin replied, “telling him how you feel would certainly be a start.”

Telling him?  Harry blinked.  That thought had not yet occurred to him- which he supposed was a bit silly.  It was what people normally did, he assumed.  And yet he instinctively circled the idea warily.  

It was easy- _too_ easy, in fact- to decide that he didn’t deserve Eggsy and should simply keep his feelings to himself until he had them under control.  Yes, Eggsy was young and lovely and Harry wasn’t exactly either of those things- but only a coward would let that stand in the way if he wanted and was wanted in return. Harry hoped he could say that he was no coward. 

But there was another consideration.  “What if…” Harry hesitated.  “What if he doesn’t see me that way?”

He half hoped Merlin would say _of course he does_ and half feared Merlin would say _of course he doesn’t, but if you get it out of your system now we can all move on_.  What Merlin actually said was: “You’ll only know if you try.”

Harry wasn’t sure he could bear to not try.  “I’ll drink to that,” he said, and attempted to do so with an empty glass. 

Merlin chuckled.  “I think it’s time you went home.”

“You’re right,” Harry said.  He stood a little unsteadily. 

Merlin laughed again and then tugged him back down.  “Wait.  I’ll handle this.”  He produced his clipboard from... somewhere. 

Harry drooped a little where he sat.  “Who are you messaging?  My driver?”

“No.  Eggsy.”

Harry considered that.  “He’ll be putting his sister to bed.”

“It’s one in the morning, Harry,” Merlin said.  “He’ll have done that ages ago.”

Harry nodded for a while- until he properly realized what Merlin was doing.  Asking _Eggsy_ to pick Harry up.  He sent a baleful look in Merlin’s direction.

Merlin laughed shortly.  “As pitiful as you are right now, I can hardly let your little trick with the scotch go unrevenged.  Anyway, I’m tired of this pining business between you and Eggsy.”

“I haven’t been pining,” Harry protested.  “I’ve only just told you how I feel about him.  I’ve only just realized.”    

“And yet I’m already tired.”

Harry considered that too, and ultimately decided that Merlin might have a point.  He patted Merlin’s arm.  “Well," he said.  "That leaves us time for another drink.”

*   *   *

By the time Eggsy arrived, Merlin had departed. 

Harry couldn’t entirely say _when_ ; it was as though he had closed his eyes and opened them to find himself alone.  And then he closed his eyes again, and opened them to find that Eggsy was standing there with a tiny smirk on his face. 

Eggsy was wearing an incredibly ugly jacket.  Harry was more than happy to experiment with non-traditional fashions- but there was non-traditional and there was garish, and Eggsy all too often found himself on the wrong side of that divide.  Harry should have known that there was something strange going on when he consistently liked the look of Eggsy anyway.  He liked it all the more right now; the warm light in the pub shone beautifully on Eggsy's hair, setting it aflame with reds and golds and warm browns.  

Harry just looked at him for a while- until he abruptly remembered one of the reasons he had been annoyed with Merlin for calling Eggsy.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  “If he interrupted anything.”

“Merlin?”  Eggsy waved all such apologies off.  “Nah, Harry, it’s fine.  You know I’ll always come if you need me.”

His tone was offhand, but the sentiment was almost unbearably sweet.  Harry wanted to kiss him- which was another reason he had been annoyed with Merlin for calling Eggsy.  It was just possible that Merlin thought he was doing Harry a favor, but he most definitely was not.

Again Harry closed his eyes, and again he found his surroundings rather abruptly altered.  This time he was halfway to the door, with his arm slung around Eggsy’s slender shoulders. 

“Wow,” Eggsy laughed.  “Jesus, Harry.  Merlin wasn’t kidding.  You really are plastered, aren’t you?”

“I resent that,” Harry said. 

“Merlin told me you get like this sometimes.”

"Lies and slander.  I can hold my liquor- few better."  This was true- but the fact of the matter was that Harry couldn't put his finger on how much he had had.  After Merlin's arrival, things got... fuzzy.  Maybe he had had more than just another drink.  Maybe Merlin had slipped him something to leave him in this state.  Harry had a private theory that Merlin sometimes experimented on the agents. 

"I know you can, Harry," Eggsy said.

Harry reached across their bodies to pat Eggsy on the chest.  He was very... firm, wasn't he?  Harry turned his head a little.  The half-smile on Eggsy’s face was fetching, but Harry saw worry in his eyes.  What was Eggsy worried about?

Eggsy made a noise caught between a laugh and a sigh.  “I’m worried about you.  I’ve never seen you like this before.”

Which of course he hadn’t.  Harry rarely went out of his way to get drunk, and never in front of Eggsy.

"Merlin thinks it's all a big laugh, which... Well- I guess he'd know if it was serious.  But I still..."  Eggsy trailed off.  Then, "You'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

“Tell you what?”

“If something was _wrong_.”  Eggsy looked like he was distressed, like he was afraid that Harry wouldn’t tell him from whence the binge had come because he didn’t trust him.  

Eggsy had no reason to be distressed.  “There _was_ something I wanted to tell you."  Harry had decided that he should tell Eggsy how he felt; he remembered that.  He was sure that Eggsy could make him happier than he had ever been before- Eggsy was doing that much even now- and though Harry might not have been young and lovely he had his charms and he knew just how to use them.  Why shouldn’t he tell Eggsy?  Wasn't there a chance that he could make Eggsy happier too? 

But he also remembered just recently coming to the conclusion that telling Eggsy _right now_ would be a bad idea.  That he needed to make a good impression and was in no state to do so at the moment. 

Suddenly Harry didn’t know why he had thought that.  He was as articulate as ever- and Eggsy was smiling again, so surely he had done something right.  “Yeah?” Eggsy asked.  “What is it?”

Harry considered his answer carefully.  “I think there’s something wrong with the ground.”

And then Eggsy was laughing and the ground was definitely shifting alarmingly.

And then Harry was in the back of a cab- one just like his- and Eggsy was...  Where was Eggsy?

“I’m right here, Harry,” Eggsy said.  He was driving the cab.  “Hello.”  Harry could see Eggsy smiling gently at him in the rear-view mirror. 

“Oh,” Harry said, remembering.  This cab was just like his because Eggsy’s cab was just like his.  “Hello.”  Eggsy’s cab differed from the others in only one respect: he preferred not to have one of Kingsman’s drivers take him anywhere.  Unless he was somehow impaired, he always drove himself.  

It wasn’t far from the pub to Harry’s house, wasn’t long before Harry’s arm was back at home around Eggsy’s shoulders as they climbed the front step.

“Here we go,” Eggsy was saying as he unlocked the door and flicked on the light.

Harry made a noise of agreement and headed towards the sitting room.  Eggsy caught him around the waist.  “Uh-uh, Harry,” he said.  “Coat and shoes off.”

Agreeing that this was a sensible idea, Harry bent.  The ground listed beneath him again, as though he was on a ship.  Instead of the various ropes and pulleys one expected to find on a ship, though, there was just Eggsy’s torso- so Harry caught himself on that. 

“Woah,” Eggsy said, laughing again.

Eggsy was wonderfully solid, wasn’t he?  Harry remembered that he had been angry at himself for loving Eggsy at the beginning of the evening- it was part of why he drank so much.  Now he couldn’t think why; Eggsy was an excellent choice, the _best_ choice.  “You’re strong,” Harry said, wanting to let Eggsy in on this revelation.  He was strong and _kind_ \- as strong as Harry was, and as kind as he had planned to be when he was a younger man.  To remain kind after the life Eggsy had led- that was the greatest strength of all, Harry thought.

“Thanks, Harry,” Eggsy said, supervising the removal of Harry’s shoes with care- and that was kind indeed.  Harry would be glad not to have tracked anything around his house in the morning.

Harry straightened up with an effort and peered down at Eggsy as he started taking his coat off.  He found his elbow unusually uncooperative, but then Eggsy was helping, and smiling, and his cheeks were faintly pink- as if Harry telling him he was strong had touched him deeply.  This, Harry decided, was all the more reason to tell Eggsy how he felt straightaway.  “You’re perfect.”

Eggsy’s face was indeed flushed as he hung up Harry’s jacket and turned back to him, ducking his chin.  “Thanks, Harry,” he said again.  He took Harry’s arm, his grip on Harry’s elbow warm and sweet.  “Let’s get you upstairs.” 

Excellent.  There was plenty of room up there for two.  “Yes, please,” Harry said.  His legs felt jelly-like beneath him- and the staircase, when they approached it, listed to the left.

But Eggsy wouldn’t let the staircase get too odd, Harry decided.  Eggsy wouldn’t let him fall.

Harry leaned against him accordingly, and suddenly Eggsy’s face was very close to his.  Harry started counting eyelashes again, endeavoring to pick up where he had left off earlier.  “Twenty-three.”

Eggsy nodded, as if he found the number precisely as significant as Harry did.

“I do love you,” Harry said. 

Eggsy’s eyes widened fractionally, and then he snorted out a little laugh.  “Me too, Harry.”

And that was good, wasn’t it?  That was everything falling into place.  Harry closed the distance between them and gave Eggsy a kiss.  He missed Eggsy’s lips a little, hitting just the corner of his mouth- but Eggsy felt so soft and smelled so nice that Harry couldn't mind about that.  It was a perfectly good kiss. 

The look of astonishment Harry saw on Eggsy’s face when he drew away was stunningly beautiful. 

“Love you,” he said again.

Harry got a tantalizing glimpse of Eggsy’s tongue as his lips slowly curved up into a smile and he laughed again, gorgeously.  “You are so out of it, bruv.”

Harry was, wasn’t he?  This information barrelled through his head in a dizzying rush.  He tugged on Eggsy’s sleeve.  

“Yeah, Harry?” Eggsy asked.  He was still smiling- and he looked very fond, and that was also good.  That was extremely important.  Because- 

“I think- I think I might be sick.”

“Yeah, Harry,” Eggsy sighed. 

*   *   *

_How’s your head?_

That was the message- from Merlin, of course- that Harry woke up to the following morning.  He cracked his eyes open and peered over at the bedside table.  There, his glasses had been laid out carefully alongside a bottle of water and a couple of painkillers.  Harry drank the water, took the painkillers, and put on the glasses.  When he saw Merlin’s message, Harry sighed aloud- glad that there was no one around to hear him.

Actually, he was glad in general that there was no one around.  The last thing he wanted was to face Eggsy right now.

Harry replied with: _It’s terrible.  Thank you for your concern._  

 _I’m glad it’s terrible_ , was Merlin’s reply- quick and dogged.  _You deserve it_. 

Merlin was, Harry assumed, still angry about the theft of his scotch.  Harry didn’t entirely blame him for that- but he did wish Merlin would be a little gentler.  He had seemed like he might be the night before, and Harry’s head really was aching considerably- though perhaps not so much as he had just implied.  He almost wished it ached more, because the more it ached the less likely he would be to remember the night before. 

In fact, he remembered with horrible clarity. 

He remembered all the things he had been too drunk to be humiliated by the night before.  Eggsy all but dragging him out of the pub, driving him home, carrying him up the stairs.  And then, after- and worse still- Eggsy producing a bin and touching his hair and making shushing noises while he was sick in it.  Eggsy helping him get of his suit and into the t-shirt and pajama bottoms he was currently wearing.  Eggsy _tucking him in_.  

He remembered all the things he had been too drunk to be sorry for the night before.  That kiss.  Oh yes, the kiss counted as more than one thing, that was how vividly he remembered it- and how stupid it had been. 

Harry put his head in his hands, groaning as the kiss became all he could think about.  Because he understood- as he hadn’t, at the time- exactly what it _meant_. 

He could still feel the corner of Eggsy’s mouth- soft and pliant with surprise- beneath his.  He could still taste Eggsy on his palate, even though the inside of his mouth was as dry as a desert and significantly fouler.  He could still see Eggsy’s eyes- wide with shock- as he pulled away. 

Eggsy hadn’t liked it.

He hadn’t looked frightened or disgusted or even apologetic- a lack which might have been promising if it hadn’t been for all that surprise and shock.  It was the surprise and shock of someone who had never for a second imagined that Harry might want to kiss him- and it was just as damning as any of those other reactions would have been, because it was so clearly also the surprise and shock of someone who had never for a second _hoped_ that Harry might want to kiss him either. 

Eggsy’s tongue had flickered out over his lips like an involuntary reaction, and then his mouth had quirked upward.  Amusement had chased off amazement, and he had laughed. 

 _You’re so fucking out of it, bruv._   That was what he said.  

Harry was too- as Eggsy had put it- out of it to truly understand what that laughter meant at the time.  But now he did, and he was angry.  At himself- and, worse yet, at Eggsy.  He almost wished Eggsy had jerked away from him, shoved him back, left him there.  That would have been better than such casual laughter, as if it had taken Eggsy less than a second to decide that Harry was only confused, that Harry couldn’t possibly have meant the kiss- or the _I love you-_ in the usual way. 

Harry didn’t know why that surprised him; this was Eggsy after all.  He couldn’t let anything disrupt his neat and easy worldview in which Harry wanted nothing from him but friendship.

Harry lowered his hands and frowned at the opposite wall.  Where had that thought- that _bitterness_ \- come from?  Whatever Merlin said, Harry had hardly been pining tragically for years.  Until only recently, Harry himself had thought he wanted nothing from Eggsy but friendship.  Oh, but perhaps these feelings had been there in the back of his mind for some time.  However clumsily they had come to the fore, perhaps it was best that they had rather than been left to fester still.  

And yet Harry couldn’t stop wishing that it was the night before again, that these feelings were still new and not yet entirely hopeless.  Suddenly he felt as if he _had_ been pining tragically for years, and he didn’t care for it.

A part of Harry that remained distant and objective sighed.  The melancholy portion of the morning’s hangover had apparently arrived. 

He didn't want to resent Eggsy for being good enough to dismiss what he had done, how he had behaved.  Eggsy didn’t deserve such harshness; ignoring Harry’s behavior was the best thing he could have done.  Harry would never have just kissed Eggsy like that if he was in full possession of his senses- not when he wasn't sure it would be welcome.  And he had been afraid that it wouldn't be, hadn’t he?  Well.  Now he knew it.     

Harry was just beginning to consider how much self-pity he ought to allow himself on the subject when he heard a noise from downstairs.  Someone was in the kitchen, clearly audible though still making an effort to be quiet.  Harry wondered how long he had been sufficiently absorbed in his thoughts to miss it.

Long enough, he decided, that he could justify ignoring it for a bit longer. 

It was almost certainly Eggsy- the more Harry thought about it, the more unlikely it seemed that Eggsy had left him on his own after last night- and if it wasn’t... well, then the intruder could either wait until Harry had cleaned himself up, or do something more threatening than putter around the kitchen at his leisure.     

Harry used the toilet and pulled on a robe.  He washed his face, ran damp fingers through his hair, and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.  There were dark circles under his eyes and unpleasant lines around his mouth, but at least he felt a bit more human.

He headed downstairs.  

The person in the kitchen was indeed Eggsy.  He was sitting on a stool by the counter and eating cereal while he read a newspaper.  He was so absorbed in it that at one bite he missed his mouth and smeared a bit of milk on his cheek.  The scene was so utterly charming that Harry wanted to kiss him again right there.

“Hello, Eggsy,” Harry managed.  He had never gotten this choked up around Eggsy, never felt so overcome- not even in the hours directly following yesterday’s epiphany. 

Eggsy looked up at him and smiled rather tenderly.  He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand and rose.  “Can I make you some breakfast?” he asked.  “Or d’you just want coffee?”  Harry heard no trace of rancor in his voice.

Harry still felt too raw to be properly grateful for it, but he said, “Just coffee, thank you.”

Eggsy gave a sympathetic little wince.  “Howya feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” Harry admitted.  “I’m terribly sorry-” he considered his next words with care- “to have caused so much trouble.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Eggsy said as he filled a cup.  He added exactly as much milk and sugar as Harry liked and passed it over.  “It ain’t like I’ve never done weird shit on a binge.”

Harry gave a wince of his own when he thought about the _weird shit_ Eggsy was referring to _him_ doing and gazed glumly into his cup.  “Is that right?”

“Well.  That was in my younger, wilder days.”

Eggsy waggled his eyebrows in a manner that invited laughter, so Harry laughed and didn't ask questions.  He had always been of the opinion that if Eggsy wanted his past to stay in the past, Harry ought to let it.   That meant almost every conversation was as full of surprises as their first few had been- and as the day before proved, not all the surprises were good.  

“Bet you don’t remember much,” Eggsy said.  His look was sly, but Harry thought maybe Eggsy was also giving him an out.  Letting Harry’s past stay in the past as well- whether or he remembered it or not.

“Things do get fuzzy at a certain point,” Harry said.  This was at least partially true.  Harry thought there might even come a time when the snatches of Eggsy’s fingers in his hair and Eggsy’s voice in his ear saying _I got you, you’re all_ _right_ that he could recall would be more comforting than painful. 

Eggsy nodded, and that appeared to be that.

“Are you going to head home?” Harry asked after a while.

Eggsy had gone back his cereal, and he chewed thoughtfully for a moment.  “No time,” he said after swallowing.  “We gotta head back to HQ pretty soon- or didn't you hear?”

“We’re supposed to be off all week, aren’t we?”

Eggsy shrugged.  “Guess Merlin’s got something for us after all.”

Now Harry had one more reason to regret his behavior.  However eager Eggsy was to be back in the field, he had still spent what might have been his last night at home here instead.  If he wasn't angry at Harry for that, Harry would be angry for him. 

Merlin was meddling again, wasn’t he?  Harry was angry about that too.  He wasn't sure if Merlin knew that he had- sloppily but undeniably- made a move the night before.  He wasn’t sure if Merlin guessed the outcome.  He also wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for him to go out into the field with Eggsy just now, but it didn’t sound as if he had much choice. 

Then again, perhaps it was a good idea after all.  Drinking to forget how he felt had already backfired horribly- perhaps a mission was exactly what Harry needed.  His mind was never clearer than when he was in the middle of some action.

Eggsy said, "I'll drive us both, if that's okay."

Harry imagined Eggsy tidying up yesterday's clothes to go into work.  Harry had little doubt that Eggsy's rumpled appearance- he had clearly slept downstairs on the couch, leaving the guest bedroom unoccupied- and their tandem arrival would fuel what rumors about them apparently already existed.  It was a painful thought.

Eggsy added, "You can even ride in the back again.  I know it's what you're used to."

"Are you sure it isn't also what _you're_ used to?" Harry asked.  Two could play at that game- and had to.  Things had to get back to normal between them somehow.

Eggsy put on his innocent face.  "How do you mean?"

"Only that a little bird told me you’ve made a habit of actually picking up fares in that cab of yours.”

“It’s not a _habit_!  It was one time!  All right- two times.  Okay, maybe three."  Eggsy hid his face behind his paper.  "Look, sometimes I’ll be in a shitty area and someone’ll look like they need to get outta there fast.  What am I gonna do, just drive on by?  I always give the money away, anyhow.”

 _Strong and kind_ , Harry thought.  He forced a light tone: “Merlin simply suggested that I remind you what ‘the highest level of discretion’ means.”

“Did he also suggest how rich it would be coming from you, Mr. Manners Maketh Man?”

Harry snorted, and after a moment the laughter even felt genuine. 

Eggsy eyed Harry over the edge of his paper and snickered. 

Suddenly the image of how Eggsy had laughed when Harry kissed him shouldered its way back to the fore of Harry's mind, and his smile faded.  The light mood seemed forced again.

Eggsy lowered his paper, tension around his eyes for the first time.  He was clearly still wondering what precisely had put Harry in the state he had found him in the evening before.  He was clearly still worried that Harry wouldn’t explain it to him.

And now, he was right to worry.  Harry _wouldn’t_ explain it.  He wasn’t sure he could now that he already knew Eggsy’s answer.  

“Harry...” Eggsy started.

Harry took a too-big drink of his coffee.  It burned down his throat.  "I'm fine."

Eggsy looked doubtful.   Harry only hoped that he could avoid saying more until they were safely in the field, and he was able to put these thoughts into perspective.  Surely things would look less dire surrounded by enemies and gunfire.    

*   *   *

They did and they didn’t at the same time- or so Harry reflected once he and Eggsy were out in the field. 

Their orders were to interrupt some weapons deal or other going down between uneasy allies in an abandoned warehouse.  It was blunt force work; exactly the sort of thing Harry was in the mood for under the circumstances.  Things had gone wrong in a predictable fashion: some jumpy kid started shooting before they had even revealed themselves, and soon they were in the midst of a firefight. 

They were crouched side by side behind a cargo container.  Eggsy’s shoulder was shockingly warm against Harry's for less than a second before he broke cover to shoot back at the men currently trying to kill them and each other.  Harry could just make out his face, contorted in a way that was far from beautiful- and yet Harry wanted to kiss him anyway. 

 _Now is not the time, Galahad_ , came the thought, so clear and strong and firmly in Merlin’s voice that Harry half assumed Merlin had actually said it.  Half assumed Eggsy would hear him and whip back around, eyes bright with an almost-innocent curiosity that was firmly at odds with the blood tucked into his hairline and the gun cradled in his hands. 

Harry had always liked a certain combination of ferocity and competence in his lovers; indeed, he sometimes wondered if that wasn't one of the reasons Kingsman had been reluctant to partner him with another agent regularly until his injuries necessitated it.  When he worked with members of the other branches, moments like these so often ended with biting kisses and whispered oaths on a hotel bed- or in an elevator or an alley, Harry had never been particular about such details.  Thinking of those... relationships now, it struck Harry as odd that he had never anticipated feeling the way he did about Eggsy.  Eggsy was very much his type.  

Luckily, the real Merlin either didn’t notice the familiar way that Harry’s gaze skittered down Eggsy’s back and over the swell of his arse- or he kindly neglected to say anything.

If it was the latter, Harry would have to thank him for it later- because he had no idea what to do next. 

Things had gone smoothly enough on the way to HQ, and if Eggsy was still worried about Harry he hadn't shown it in the briefing.  Things had gotten complicated again later, when Harry stopped by Eggsy's rooms at the manor to get him.  Eggsy had been only half dressed when he- ignorant of any reason it would be damaging to Harry's peace of mind- told him to come on in. 

That was when two things occurred to Harry simultaneously.  The first was that Eggsy might deserve to know how Harry felt not because anything could come of it, but because there were certain displays- like this one- which he might choose to avoid if he knew the truth.  The second was that whether he told Eggsy everything or not he had to come to some conclusion, or this preoccupation of his would risk both their friendship and their lives.   

He was preoccupied now.  Looking at the line of Eggsy's shoulders, Harry could remember seeing them bare.  Remember how his eyes had stuck to a place between the shoulder-blades.  Remember the way Eggsy's back muscles had flexed and made Harry’s mouth water to kiss him there and work his way down...

It was a dangerous train of thought. 

In past, when someone had shared Harry's interest, he had known what to do.  Enjoy their company while it was on offer, part with them fondly, never think of them again.  When someone hadn't, Harry had accepted that and withdrawn with no real hardship.  It was true that it had only happened that way once, but even so it set a precedent.  Harry usually got what he wanted, but he wasn't a man to be difficult about it when he didn't.

With Eggsy, though, perhaps neither route was possible.   

When Harry took his turn, ducking around his side of the crate to return fire, Eggsy’s mouth didn't go dry at the figure he cut.  Eggsy’s mind didn’t sing at the thought of kissing the snarl off his lips.  Eggsy's heart didn't surge in his chest to imagine that after this mission was over they might sit side by side and hand in hand in the jet and go home together.  Harry himself had never wanted that last before, never been invested enough to _hurt_ when he thought that a person might not return his affections.  Perhaps that was why it had never occurred to Harry to group Eggsy in with the others.  Eggsy... mattered too much. 

A bullet nicked Harry's cheek and he ducked behind the container again.  That was the sticking point, wasn't it?  Harry would have to withdraw- either after confessing what he felt and throwing himself on Eggsy's mercy, or successfully burying it- but he could not do it easily.   

“Harry!”  Eggsy had to raise his voice to be heard over the gunfire.

"Yes?"  Harry's thoughts had, for a second, cocooned him in a world of silence and numbness- but Eggsy's voice jarred him back out of it again.  And suddenly everything was loud and painful again.   

"The fuck, Harry!  Did you just get _shot_?”

Harry braced his back against the crate and held a handkerchief up to his cheek.  He shrugged dismissively.  “It’s just a graze.”

Eggsy's eyes were wide.  "Are you okay?"

"It does sting a bit, now that you mention it."

“I’m not kidding, Harry,” Eggsy said, finally taking his eyes off Harry to return fire.   

He did sometimes tease that way, being overly solicitous with Harry- a vestige of the times when Eggsy had been partnered with him because he might genuinely need help rather than because they worked well together- but Harry could indeed tell from his tone that this was not one of those times. “Then what are you doing?”

"I'm trying to figure out what's _wrong_."

Eggsy was back, his elbow fitted warmly to Harry's, and he sounded pained.  Harry should have anticipated that. The smell of gunpowder and smoke on the air choked him, and the wound on his cheek stung all right- but that was nothing compared to the choke and sting of having hurt Eggsy this way.  "Ah," he said.  It was a problem he didn't know how to solve, didn't know that he could solve. 

Eggsy added, "I know there's something up and I'm tried of pretending not to notice.  You're distracted now.  You were a mess last night."

"Why didn't you ask last night?"  Eggsy didn't let things go; Harry should never have assumed that he would be safe once they were in the field.  And Eggsy had asked last night, of course he had- and they both knew it.  But it suddenly occurred to Harry that if Eggsy had pushed then this might all be over already.  And he resented Eggsy for it.

"Because you were so out of it!"

Harry realized in a flash what Eggsy was really saying- that he hadn't asked twice because Harry was compromised, and he didn't been willing to use it to push him into admitting something he wouldn't otherwise let slip.  It hit Harry how well Eggsy really knew him, and it _hurt_.  It hurt because he had been resenting Eggsy when that was the last thing he deserved, and because it reinforced just why he felt so damned much where Eggsy was concerned.  He tried to wave Eggsy off rather than admit it.  "I wasn't-"  

“Oh, sure,” Eggsy snorted.  “You threw up on my shoes and tried to kiss me while you _weren’t_ out of it.”

Harry had not, in fact, thrown up on Eggsy shoes.  He had thrown up in a bin very close to Eggsy’s shoes- but Harry couldn't say so, because that would mean admitting that he knew he had failed to throw up on Eggsy’s shoes and succeeded in kissing him.  Which would in turn mean admitting that while he hoped to never almost throw up on Eggsy's shoes again, he would be entirely willing to re-attempt the kiss.  And while he knew that he would have to do something- and soon- he wasn't ready to do that.

Apparently oblivious to these thoughts, Eggsy turned apologetic.  "Sorry.  I just wanna know if something's going on, or if- if you’re mad at me-”

“I’m not mad at you,” Harry half snarled.  He moved to fire again, angry- not at Eggsy this time, but at himself for descending far enough into despair to give Eggsy that impression.  Whatever was happening inside him now, whatever would come of it, Eggsy deserved better than to blame himself.

"It seems like you are."

“I’m _not_ ,” Harry insisted.  Then, “Is now really the time for this conversation?”

“I suppose no one cares whether or not _I_ think now is the time for such a conversation,” Merlin broke in.   Harry had all but forgotten him. 

“No,” he said- at the same time Eggsy did. 

Eggsy was silent for a beat- then his jaw twitched, and set, and Harry knew he was in trouble.  “I know we’re not gonna die,” he said.  “But what if we die, you know?  What if there's no other time for this conversation?"

And- that was fair, Harry supposed.  Before he could find the words to tell Eggsy just what was going on in his mind, Merlin spoke up again: "I’m afraid the two of you might be expecting more company.”

And then the world exploded around them.

The next few moments passed in a blur.  One of the warehouse's outer walls had come down.  It admitted a sudden influx of men.  Harry exchanged a look with Eggsy, and several things happened in quick succession.  The amount of gunfire increased dramatically.  A number of their current foes were plowed down by the new arrivals, who just kept on coming.  Their crate began to seem a good deal less solid. 

Harry noticed a vault- cleared out and left open- in the wall not far from the crate.  Harry gripped Eggsy by the sleeve and- when he had his attention- pointed to it.

Eggsy nodded gravely. 

Before they made a break for it, Harry addressed Merlin: "Do we have any idea who these people are?"  With all the shooting going on, it was difficult to tell whose side who was even on anymore. 

"I'm afraid not," Merlin replied.

"Any chance we'll be getting some backup of our own?"

"Lancelot and Percival are about ten minutes out with some... hmm... improved artillery."

"Good enough," Harry said.  He exchanged another nod with Eggsy, and they began to run. 

Eggsy made for the door.  Harry gripped the handle to tug it closed, shielding his head as a few shots missed him narrowly and hit the door.  A few of the other gunmen turned their weapons on the interior of the vault and Harry moved, flinging himself forward.  He felt one bullet and then two impact his suit as he landed on the vault floor, half on top of Eggsy, and the door sealed shut with a hiss.   

“Are you all right?” he asked.  Eggsy felt good beneath him.  Dangerously good.   

Eggsy nodded.  He was wide-eyed but evidently uncrushed.  “You?”

“I’m fine.”  This wasn't precisely true.  Harry was breathless and not from the action- or rather, not just.  He filed it away to remember on some cold night in the future, how easily Eggsy relaxed into his touch where once he had flinched at it.  How good it felt to shield and protect him.  There might soon come a time when Eggsy didn't allow either anymore.  Harry rolled off of Eggsy and helped him into a sitting position, propping his own back up against the wall. 

For a while Eggsy was silent- still in shock, perhaps, or occupied with concerns like checking his ammunition and guessing at how long it would take their enemies to return their attention to the vault- but eventually he glanced toward Harry, set his jaw again, and said, “I’m still waiting for that explanation, Harry.”

“Is all this really necessary?” Merlin asked over the glasses.  Harry could practically hear him rolling his eyes.  “Can’t it wait until-”

Harry turned their audio off.  Merlin’s input would hardly speed things up with Lancelot and Percival, and there really wasn’t much to be done here but wait it out.  They were, for the time being, at a bit of a stalemate.  Their enemies would reach some kind of denouement and find a way to open the vault, or their fellow agents would arrive.  Thinking only about that and not their personal lives wouldn’t make one or the other more likely to happen first. 

Eggsy said, “Did you just-”

He looked torn between shock and amusement, and Harry touched his shoulder.  “Merlin will recover,” he said.  “He knows what I’ll tell you, anyway.  I simply thought it would be better done without an audience.”    

Eggsy gave a jerky nod.  For someone who had been demanding answers only moments ago, he seemed awfully concerned about what Harry would say to him now.  Perhaps he was beginning to suspect how Harry really felt at last, or perhaps- actually more likely knowing Eggsy and his almost-willful blindness where Harry was concerned- he was afraid that Harry would say he had a terminal illness or something of that ilk.

As he thought of all the things Eggsy might assume, Harry considered making up a lie.  But no, he had been right before.  Eggsy deserved to know, and Harry deserved to say it aloud and have Eggsy know that he meant it. 

 _And if it does ruin your friendship with Eggsy?_ a slithery non-Merlin voice in Harry’s mind asked.  Harry decided it was Chester King. 

Even that, he concluded, would have to be better than this.  He had put them both in too much danger already, Eggsy was right about that.  Harry was distracted- worryingly so.

“I love you,” Harry said- quickly, like he was ripping off a plaster.

Eggsy didn’t look as though he was entirely comforted on the _Harry might be terminally ill_ front.  Which- well, Harry couldn’t entirely blame him for that.  Eggsy had mistaken those words for platonic once before, and he wouldn't be wrong in assuming that only a Harry drunkenly affectionate or convinced he was about to die would tell a friend- Merlin, for instance- that he loved them. 

"I mean in love with you," Harry said. 

And- in the moments before that sunk in- Eggsy's inevitable kind refusal seemed to Harry the worst fate in the world.  As soon as the words were said, a million possible paths _other_ than telling Eggsy how he felt occurred to Harry.  He could court Eggsy in silence- for years, if need be- and pray that he might one day do something that would make Eggsy look on him with _love_.  He could do nothing and burn away, wordlessly, even until his death.  He could shoot himself up with amnesia darts until he forgot that he had ever met Eggsy. 

He could take any course, any road but _this_.    

Eggsy's jaw hung slack, and Harry almost laughed and almost cursed himself for an overdramatic fool at once. 

"I'm all right," he said, gripping Eggsy's sleeve gently.  “I reacted a little badly when I first realized, of course, but... I’m all right now.  And I am... well, it's as you said.  I know we’re not going to die, but if we do die, I’m glad I told you.”

Eggsy was silent for a long time, eyes fixed to the opposite wall.  Finally he murmured, "Guess that explains why you kissed me."  At a normal volume, he added, "And you do remember that, don't you?"

"Yes."

Eggsy chewed his lip.  It was terribly fetching, or it would have been if Harry didn't feel so sick.  So many of the things he had been afraid to see in Eggsy's face before were there now.  He wasn't disgusted, no- but apologetic?  Certainly.  Afraid?  Yes, Harry thought he was.  "So you wanna like... date me and all?"

“That would certainly be ideal,” Harry said, though in truth he had never really gotten that far.  “But I know that you don’t-”

Eggsy faced him suddenly, all wide-eyed, and said, “You know that I don’t _what_?”

“Well.”  Harry took a breath.  “Perhaps I don’t know that you don’t feel the same."  He said it slowly, as he realized it himself.  Was it possible that he had given up too easily?  No, Harry wasn't one to force his affections on someone who didn't want them- but he also wasn't one to surrender the field without giving his all, and he had given almost nothing so far.  "I am-" Harry considered his next words carefully- "fairly sure that you haven’t... that you haven’t been thinking of me in that light.”

His drunken advance the night before, and Eggsy's reaction to it, was proof of that- but not proof that he couldn't come to.

Sure enough, Eggsy actually relaxed a little, softened a little, rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes.  “Yeah,” he said.  “I haven’t.”  He still looked keenly miserable. 

Whatever Harry was on the verge of allowing himself to hope, he didn't want Eggsy to be miserable.  He opened his mouth to say... something.  He didn’t know what, so it was just as well that the tenor of the noises coming from outside the vault changed suddenly. The gunfire was replaced by another explosion, and then shouts and groans and silence.  Harry said, “I believe our backup is here.”

Eggsy nodded, his lips lifting upward into a tentative smile.  “Guess we’re not gonna die,” he said. 

“It would appear so,” Harry agreed.  He felt rather... numb. 

There was dead- literally, most likely, where their foes were concerned- quiet outside the vault for a moment, and then, muffled but distinct, came Lancelot’s voice.  “Two things,” she said.  “First of all, Galahad, Merlin says if you don’t turn him back on he’s going to show everyone the footage from the time you dropped a building on your own head."

Eggsy snickered, and though he still seemed a little rattled Harry thought it was safe to conclude that he was all right with their new normal, or at least that he could be given some time.

"And second?” Harry asked, politely.  It wouldn't do to alienate anyone else today.  He turned the sound back on and heard Merlin sputtering.  It was entirely possible that he hadn’t stopped since he first realized Harry wasn’t hearing him anymore.

"How the hell are we supposed to get this thing open?”

*   *   *

Lancelot managed it, of course.  Harry had never doubted her. 

By then Harry's graze had started bleeding again, and even he had to admit that it looked bad.  Luckily Percival had a little medical training and thus doubled as a field medic when necessary.  It was he who frowned into Harry's face for a bit and then bandaged him up, pronouncing, "It's just a scratch, you'll be fine."  Harry found Percival's dismissive attitude comforting; Eggsy apparently did not.  He roamed around the plane like a caged animal, muttering to himself all the way back to HQ.

"What's that about?" Percival asked, jerking his chin in Eggsy's direction. 

Harry wasn't sure- was he upset about Harry's confession, or about the close call, or was he somehow conflating them both together?- but he answered anyway: "You started all this, you know."

That only made Percival look more confused.

Despite Percival's ringing endorsement of Harry's health, Merlin dragged him to the medical wing the moment they landed.  According to him, agents were poor judges of health in themselves and others, though that was the first Harry had heard of it.  He was separated from Eggsy in the rush, which he supposed was just as well; maybe they both needed some time to cool off. 

While a doctor peered into Harry's eyes and did a dozen small tests that- as far as Harry could tell- had nothing whatsoever to do with his actual injury, Merlin stood in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and his precious clipboard trapped beneath them.

"Well," he said.  "That was a colossal fuck-up."

"Nonsense," Harry replied.  "You and I both know what a colossal fuck-up looks like, and that was not it."

Merlin lifted his eyebrows. 

"No one was seriously injured or killed."

Merlin lifted his eyebrows further.

"No one we care about."

"You know, I remember a time when anything that resulted in even the smallest damage to your pretty face would have been widely considered a fuck-up."

"I'm not quibbling fuck-up," Harry said regally.  "I'm quibbling colossal."

If Merlin had a hairline, his eyebrows would have passed it.  "Fair enough," he said at last.  But then, "You were distracted."

"I was... having feelings."

"Oh dear," Merlin said.  He hardly looked surprised, but then how could he be when they had discussed the whole business already?  "And are they..."  He seemed to consider his next words carefully, which he had to with the doctor there.  "Are they welcome?"

"That's... a complicated question."  Eggsy had not reacted strongly in the negative.  The more Harry sat with the idea, the more it seemed like enough to build a little hope on.  If someone had asked Harry about being in love with Eggsy a week ago, he might himself have laughed.  Maybe after some time to get used to the idea, Eggsy might reciprocate after all. Maybe he could be convinced.

And if there was even the smallest chance that Eggsy could come to love him, Harry had to take that chance.  He was too old and in too dangerous a line of work not to try.

He simply didn't know how exactly to proceed. 

Merlin harrumphed. 

Harry was saved from giving any further explanation when the doctor shone that pointless light in his eyes _again_ and he lost patience, batting her hands away.  " _Stop_ ," he said.  "We both know I'm fine and that I have a report to write.  So."  He looked from Merlin to the doctor and then back again.  "Are we finished?" 

The doctor certainly looked finished, but it took Merlin a moment to finally incline his head.

Harry fled the examination room in what appeared to be a case of out of the frying and into the fire.  Eggsy was lying in wait in one of the chairs beyond.  

He whistled when he saw Harry.  “You look like hell,” he said.  He had his legs spread, his elbows on his knees, and his fingers laced together underneath his chin.  His suit was rumpled, his hair was in disarray, and there was a smudge of grit along his left cheek.  He looked- unlike Harry, apparently- divine. 

At Eggsy's words Harry lifted an unthinking hand to his face.  His fingertips brushed over his new butterfly stitches.   "Thank you," he said dryly.

Eggsy snorted.  "You staying here tonight or going home?"

"Why?" Harry asked, though that answer, at least, was relatively obvious.  Eggsy felt he needed to accompany Harry, even though he had every reason to avoid him for a while.  "Merlin shouldn't have made you stay.  I hardly need a chaperone."

"He didn't _make_ me do anything.  I'm worried about you."  There was great deal of strain behind Eggsy's eyes. 

Harry prickled when he thought about why.  "Well, you needn't be.  I can manage on my own."

Eggsy’s jaw twitched.  “Fine,” he said at last.  He rose smoothly and exited the waiting area.  “See you around.”

Harry made a noise of agreement that Eggsy probably missed in his rush to leave.  He sighed and sat down heavily in the chair Eggsy had vacated.

He was sorry to have driven Eggsy off, not because he couldn't get to his rooms (or even his house) on his own- he had done that after getting hurt in field for all the years before he knew Eggsy, and he could do it tonight- but because he and Eggsy really couldn't leave things as they had.  They needed to talk, even if it would ultimately dash Harry's hopes rather than fan them. 

Harry also could have been a bit less flippant.  Him almost dying was a sore spot with Eggsy; it always had been, especially where bullets and heads were concerned. 

Harry sent out several messages, one to Percival and another to Eggsy.

The one to Percival said: _Since everything is your fault, I think you owe me some takeaway._

The one to Eggsy said: _I apologize for my behavior_.  It was quickly followed up with: _There may be takeaway in it for you if you're willing to put up with me after all_. 

Harry had learned something from those times he had argued with Eggsy in the past.  That he made apologies with difficulty but accepted them- usually, at least- with grace, and that Eggsy made apologies easily but couldn’t seem to accept them at all.  This made it all too easy for Harry to fall into a pattern of simply pretending that any friction between them had never existed, but he wouldn't let himself do that tonight. 

 _Why maybe?_ Eggsy sent back a moment later.  _I could get some if you want it._

 _I'm working on Percival_ , Harry said.  _He owes me._

Eggsy's face poked back into the room, because of course he hadn't gotten far.  "Fuck yeah," he said.  He was smiling, but the strain wasn't gone from behind his eyes.  How could it be?  "You sure you should be handling complex negotiations, though?  I know you say you're fine, but-" 

“I _am_ fine,” Harry said, waving Eggsy off as he stood.  “Although I suppose I ought to take the excuse, considering my behavior a moment ago.”

“Harry...” Eggsy started.

“It wasn’t at all fair of me to lash out like that.  I’m sorry.”  Harry knew he was pushing his luck already, but a refusal to admit when he was in the wrong would be no foundation on which to build what he still hoped to start with Eggsy.  This had to be done. 

“It’s okay,” Eggsy said.  “You don’t like to look weak.  I don’t either, Harry, you know that.  It ain't like I never bit your head off from the medical wing.”  He didn't mention Harry's other reason to be short with him- the admission that still hung heavy and unanswered in the air between them.

"That's true," Harry admitted. 

Eggsy smiled again- wan but genuine- and fell into step with Harry as they headed in the direction of the manor proper.

Harry remembered- was it only a day ago?- when they had walked together to Merlin's office.  It was all so different now.  Eggsy was trying to behave naturally, but it was obvious in every word, every look, every breath that what Harry said had changed things.  Had changed everything.

By the time they reached Harry's rooms there were a number of takeaway cartons arrayed on the little table by the couch.

Harry sat down gratefully, reaching out for the note stuck to the center carton.  In Percival's small but neat hand it said, _I still don't know what's supposed to be my fault_.  

Harry messaged Percival again- _I am taking this as an admission of guilt_ \- before he took off his glasses and set them aside, patting the spot on the couch beside him.  "Sit, please," he said to Eggsy.  "Eat something.  I'm sure you're even hungrier than I am." 

Eggsy sat obediently and picked up a carton.

They worked through Percival's offerings in companionable silence.  There was a still a thread of tension between them that had never been there before, but what ease there was struck Harry as rather the calm before a storm.  It could well be the easiest things ever were between them again.  

After a while Eggsy reached out to put the carton he was holding back on the table and winced.  He lifted a hand to knead his shoulder.

Harry wondered when exactly Eggsy had strained it.  He considered his next move for a while and then- carefully- laid a hand over Eggsy's.  "Let me," he said quietly, and after a moment Eggsy's hand slipped from beneath his.  After that Harry settled closer and laid both hands on Eggsy’s shoulders, taking care to move slowly and watch Eggsy’s body language for any hint of discomfort.  When he saw none, Harry began to work at Eggsy’s tense muscles with his fingers. 

Eggsy’s eyes drifted shut- and then snapped open again.  Suddenly he did look uncomfortable.  “Harry...” he started.

“It’s all right,” Harry said.  He loosened his grip so Eggsy could duck away if he wished, but stayed close.  “You know I can help.”  Eggsy had been hesitant the first time Harry offered to massage his back- long before things had gotten so complicated between them- but once he allowed himself to be persuaded he had enjoyed it.  Eggsy so deeply loved to be touched; it was just that even months into his new life he was afraid to let himself grow accustomed to it. “That’s all I want,” Harry told him.  “To help.  It doesn’t... it doesn’t have to be anything more than that.”

Slowly, Eggsy relaxed under his hand.  His eyes flickered closed again while Harry worked at the knots along his neck and shoulders.  “It _is_ more than that, though,” Eggsy whispered.  “If you’re really...”  _In love with me_ , hung unsaid in the air between them. 

“Yes,” Harry sighed.  “I suppose it must be.” 

He did enjoy having his hands on Eggsy more than he had in the beginning- or, rather, he had always enjoyed having his hands on Eggsy, but he had only now begun to realize why.  And it colored everything- how could it not?

“I suppose...”  Harry trailed off, considering his next words carefully. 

Resolving privately to convince Eggsy if he could that he was wrong about this- about _them_ \- was one thing; telling Eggsy that he had was another.  It was much riskier, because it could mean hearing Eggsy say- right now, once and for all- that he didn’t have a chance.  That he never would.    

At last, he said, “I suppose I might be hoping that...”  He squeezed Eggsy's shoulders lightly.  “Do you remember how you reacted the first time I offered to do this for you?”

Eggsy huffed out a laugh- perhaps at the memory, perhaps at Harry’s sudden change of tack.  “Yeah.”

“Well.  You changed your mind about that.  I suppose I might be hoping that, given the right encouragement, how you feel about me might change as well." 

Eggsy was silent for a while, then: “It’s just not a good idea.”

“Me giving you a massage?”

“ _Us_ , Harry.  I didn't pretend not to know what you were talking about just then- don't pretend like you don’t know what _I'm_ talking about now.  You mean so fucking much to me Harry, and I owe you-"

Harry pulled his hands away as if Eggsy's back had burned him.  "You know I would never want you to be with me out of pity or obligation or-"

"I know," Eggsy said, looking over his shoulder at Harry with eyes as intense as Harry thought he had ever seen.  "I _know_ , Harry.  That's why it's so important that I not pretend to be sure about things that I just- I'm _not_.  See, Harry, I- I'm not sure it would really work, you and me.  I’m not sure it _could_.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t really need to tell you that, do I?”

Eggsy's dismissive tone hurt more than that bullet had, but Harry refused to let the pain linger in his mind.  It wasn't as though Eggsy wasn't partially right.  There _were_ difficulties between them; Harry would be a fool to deny that even though he was willing to put them aside. He simply wanted to love Eggsy as well as he could for as long as he could. That seemed like it was worth the occasional hiccup.  And indeed, no reason they might not be good together seemed like much more than a hiccup to Harry- except one: if Eggsy really didn’t see him that way and never could.

But that was one thing Eggsy hadn’t said. He had said he wasn’t sure, many times, and while that wasn’t a _yes_ it wasn’t a _no_ either. So the question was: were those difficulties enough, for Eggsy, to prevent him from ever feeling the way Harry did?  Or had they only kept him from seeing an affection that was actually already there- or could be, with a little tending?

If it was the former, of course Harry would leave him alone.  He would have to, even if it broke his heart to see Eggsy every day and never have him. 

But if it was the latter... if it was the latter Harry would not let himself lose hope.

Harry considered his next words with care.  “Eggsy, listen to me. You're absolutely right about one thing.  It _is_ important that you not pretend to be sure of things you aren't.  I know how much our friendship means to you.  It means no less to me.  And the last thing I want is for you to feel pressured into something that wouldn’t make you happy because you think that it would make _me_ happy.  If you’re trying to find a delicate way to tell me that you _have_ thought about it and you’ve found that you could never return my feelings, then... it would be better if you just said it straight out.”

Eggsy’s jaw worked for a moment.  He opened his mouth and then shut it again without saying a word. 

“If-” Harry said slowly, reaching out to touch Eggsy again- “on the other hand... you truly aren’t sure, and what you’re more afraid of is giving me false hope... I have a ... a proposition, if you will.”  He massaged the back of Eggsy’s neck.

“A proposition?” Eggsy repeated, uncertainly. 

“Yes.  That I... court you.  That if you ask me at any time to back off or stop altogether, I will- but that if you don’t I will do my utmost to convince you that you and me could actually work very well indeed."

Eggsy looked as though he was really considering it, which was something.  “And... what if I still say no?”

“Now, or in the future?”

Eggsy shrugged.  “Either, I guess.”  He still looked pensive, but he seemed to be relaxing little by little- into Harry’s words and his touch. 

“If- after I have done all I can to show you that this could be a good thing- you still believe otherwise, of course I will accept it.”  Harry kept massaging Eggsy’s shoulders as he spoke, settling close enough to rest his chin on the top of Eggsy’s head.  “And I will cherish all the time I was able to spend with you.  And if you turn me down then- as if you turn me down now- I can’t pretend that it won’t take time for things to go back to the way they were.  I can’t turn these feelings off any more than you can turn them on.  But I will give you what space you need and I will solemnly promise to always be your friend, and always be there for you, no matter how this part of our lives turns out.”   

Eggsy was silent for a while and Harry didn’t press him.  He had said his piece; it was for Eggsy to decide what came next.

When Eggsy finally did speak, what he said was, “You should let me do you next.”

Harry blinked.

Eggsy’s cheeks were flushed a little pink as he ducked underneath Harry’s arm and turned to him.  “Your back, I mean.”

"You needn't, Eggsy," Harry said.  "I'm quite..."  Eggsy looked so determined that Harry didn’t bother protesting further.  He bowed his head and re-positioned himself on the couch to give Eggsy access.

Eggsy swallowed so heavily that Harry _heard_ it.  And then he touched Harry, oh so gentle.  His fingertips ghosted over bruises, feather-light.  “This where you were hit?”

"What do you-" Harry started.  He hadn't thought Eggsy knew he was being fired upon as the vault door shut.

"I heard it, Harry," Eggsy whispered.  He swallowed again as he found tension in Harry’s neck and started to work at it.  There was a strange energy crackling through the air.  If touching Eggsy had been different to Harry before he realized how he felt, having Eggsy touch him was even more so.  "You coulda died if they hadn't been aiming for center mass."

"It was you they were shooting at," Harry pointed out.

Eggsy squeezed his neck hard.  Obviously this was not an excuse he much cared for. 

Harry certainly hadn't meant to be reckless or distracted; it wasn't as if he was hoping to break the Kingsman record for near death experiences- not least because the current record holder was now dead. 

It would be true, to say that it wasn’t Harry's intention to get himself killed- it would be less true to say that he had stumbled a little at just the right moment.  In reality he had seen the direction a few of the men were firing and moved without thinking.  If Harry admitted to that, Eggsy might demand assurances that it would never happen again.

Those Harry could not provide.  He didn’t intend to get himself killed, but if he had to making sure Eggsy stayed alive would be the way he preferred to do it.  "I won't apologize for that," he said at last.  "Any more than I'll apologize for loving you."

"I didn't ask you to," Eggsy replied.  "And I won't."

"But do you... do you agree?"

"To your proposition?"  Eggsy let out a breath.  "Yeah.  But I ain't gonna make it easy on you.”

There was still an intensity in his tone, but a growing humor as well.  An easiness Harry had been afraid would be lost now that certain lines were drawn between them.  “Is that right?”

“Oh yeah.”  Eggsy gave Harry’s shoulders a final squeeze and lay back on the couch, his eyes drifting closed.  “If you get to tell me why you think we’d be a good match, I get to tell you why we wouldn’t, right?”

“That seems only fair,” Harry agreed.  The lightness in Eggsy's voice made it sound more like a dare than a threat.  

“Not scared?” Eggsy asked.  He was still teasing by his tone, but in his half-open eyes there were traces of something much more serious.

“Why should I be?” Harry asked.  “I like a challenge.”    

*   *   *

Harry did like a challenge, or he wouldn't have fallen for Eggsy.  Eggsy had always challenged him.

Still, waiting in a bakery line at an ungodly hour of the morning, Harry did wonder if challenges were all they were cracked up to be.  He didn't let himself dwell for long, though.  He had further shopping to do, and promises to keep. 

Eggsy had gone back to his rooms at the manor the previous night- as he often did when he was overtired or had bruises he wished to hide from his mother.  Lying awake in his own rooms, Harry had decided that they would talk in the morning, and he would hold Eggsy to nothing he had said the night before.  But if Eggsy still meant it all, Harry would give everything he had to this courtship.

It was mid-morning by the time Harry had finished with his shopping.  He decided it was late enough and went to see Eggsy.  

When Harry knocked on the door, it took Eggsy a few moments to crack it open and peer out.  He looked freshly showered, though, and not at all annoyed.  He took in the parcels Harry held with a bemused expression. 

“Flowers and chocolate, Harry?”

Harry hefted one of his boxes, saying, “These are pastries and this-” he pressed a cup into Eggsy’s hands- “is coffee.  But in essence yes.”

“That the best you can do?”  There was a taunting light in Eggsy’s eyes and a fresh pinkness about his ears. 

“I have not yet begun, my sweet.”

Eggsy pulled a face at the endearment. 

Harry was willing to admit that he could do better.  “I simply wanted to be sure that our... agreement of last night still stood,” he said.  “You were very tired.”

Eggsy’s face contorted further.  “And you were very shot.”

"We've been over this, Eggsy, I hardly-"

"I know," Eggsy said, with a light roll of his eyes.  "I know- it was just a scratch and the suit caught the rest.  All I'm saying is-" Eggsy took a breath- "Nobody would blame you if you wasn't thinking straight last night."   

By which Eggsy meant that _he_ wouldn't blame Harry if he hadn't been thinking straight last night.  The question was- did he worry for Harry's sake that he had made a mistake, or did he hope that he had?

Either way, Harry wouldn't change his answer:

“I said nothing I did not mean.”

Eggsy swallowed heavily.  He clearly knew that he was being offered a way out, one he thought he would be foolish not to at least consider taking.  If Harry was no coward Eggsy was even less of one, and Harry knew Eggsy trusted him- and if he trusted Harry not to push him into anything he wasn’t ready for, and he was secure in his belief that they were wrong for each other, then surely he could have nothing to fear.  But, as his eyes flickered over Harry, it looked just possible that he _wanted_ to have something to fear.  “It stands.”

Harry smiled and pushed the box of pastries into Eggsy's arms.

Eggsy- laughing airily- took it.  "You know I have trouble passing up a dare, anyway." 

"I do," Harry agreed.  "I intend to use it shamelessly."

Eggsy set his burden down near the door and leaned his shoulder against the jamb, bringing his face a little closer to Harry's.  “That mean you wanna come in?”

Harry did, desperately- but he also wanted to give Eggsy a little time to think about all that had passed between them, and he had another delivery to make.  He shook his head.  “I think I’ll say goodbye for now.  But I’ll see you later, yes?”

Eggsy nodded slowly.  He looked faintly surprised, faintly... judgemental.  He looked the way he did in the field when Harry made a plan he didn't agree with.  But Harry was confident that he was making the right decision.  He bowed his head and took his leave. 

His second delivery was to Merlin. 

“Percival never did get around to drinking any of mine,” Merlin said, though Harry noticed he wasted no time taking the new bottle of scotch Harry had bought for him.  “You seem awfully chipper this morning.”

“Well,” Harry said, pulling up a chair at Merlin’s station unbidden and putting his feet up.  “I did tell Eggsy how I feel.  As I recall, I told _you_ that already."

Merlin frowned and spoke very slowly: “As _I_ recall, he wasn’t precisely receptive.  It isn’t like you to take rejection so well.”

Harry wondered if he was being insulted.  He opened his mouth. 

Merlin raised a hand, cutting him off.  “I’d never say you take it badly, but you’ve always at least sulked for a week or so."

"Have I?"

Merlin snorted and didn't take the bait.  "I would’ve thought... with Eggsy...”

“He wasn’t _un_ receptive, Merlin- he just hadn’t thought about it.”

“Was he skeptical as soon as he had?”

“Yes.  But he’s given me permission to... convince him.  To court him, if you will.”

Merlin’s frown only deepened.  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“You’re the one who encouraged me to tell him,” Harry pointed out.  The progression from realizing what he felt for Eggsy to telling him about it had included so many infinitesimal steps coming one after the other that it was difficult for Harry to pinpoint a moment when it had become inevitable- let alone place the blame for it on Merlin- but it had a certain rhetorical appeal. 

“That was when I thought he was already pining for you,” Merlin said.  “ _Everyone_ thought he was- those that didn't think you were already fucking, at least.”

Harry thought that sounded promising.  “Well- they were right about _my_ interest, weren’t they?”  He just hadn’t known it yet.  Maybe he was right to hope that Eggsy just didn’t know it yet either. 

“Harry...”

“I know,” Harry said quickly.  “I know.  I can seem... careless about some things.  Perhaps I even seem careless about this.  But... Eggsy means a great deal to me.  I’d never hurt him-”

“Intentionally.  You’d never hurt him intentionally.”

Merlin looked grave, and Harry fully intended to take his concerns to heart.  “I’ll be careful, Merlin.  I won’t push him into anything.”

“No, no- I know you won’t.  But you can be... well.  You aren’t the most constant man I know.”

“What do you think I’ll do?  Win him and lose interest?”

“I think you might get caught up in the challenge, that’s all.  And lose track of what matters.”

Harry knew that that was a possibility- one he couldn’t afford to forget- but all he could focus on at the moment was this: “You do think he loves me.  You do think he’ll-”

“Of course I do.  But- contrary to popular opinion- I have been wrong once or twice.  You do have to consider the possibility that this won’t even work.  I know how you hate to lose.”

“Well,” Harry said at last.  “I’ll have plenty of time to get used to the idea."    

*   *   *

Three days later, Harry was in Eggsy’s sitting room, having a staring contest with Eggsy’s mother. 

He had been unsure about what to call her initially, since he couldn’t bring himself to say Michelle, and Mrs. Baker hardly seemed appropriate when Eggsy assured him that Dean was out of their lives for good this time.  He didn’t know if she had ultimately decided to go by Mrs. Unwin again for Eggsy’s sake or her own- or if it was just what she preferred Harry to call her- but, whatever the reason, he did it even when it stung.

“Would you like some tea?” Mrs. Unwin asked after a long silence. 

Harry considered his answer for a few moments, deciding which response was least likely to give offense.  He finally said, “No, thank you.  I’m quite all right.”

She directed her gaze over his shoulder for a while.

Harry had- perhaps overdramatically- allowed himself to believe at times that the most difficult part of taking Eggsy out- such as he could claim to be taking Eggsy out under the circumstances- would be convincing his mother to allow it.  And while Mrs. Unwin’s reaction to his presence in the home she shared with Eggsy was reasonably chilly, she had yet to question his motives or ask Eggsy not to see him.  She seemed more awkward than unhappy and she was always polite.

It was enough to make Harry wonder whether- if he had just remained stubbornly in her life day upon day after Lee’s death- she might not have eventually let him in. 

He couldn’t make up his mind that he had been wrong in not doing so.  Lee Unwin had been a good man and Harry was sorry for his death- but it was difficult to truly call himself the cause of it.  Yes, Lee might have lived a long life if he had never met Harry- but he might also have died only a week later.  Kingsman was not in fact all that much more dangerous than the marines.  Harry couldn’t have known what would happen in Afghanistan that day; that Kingsman had not lost another member for seventeen years was, in Harry’s view, ample proof of that. 

It seemed to Harry that the fight he had with Eggsy before he left for Kentucky- the one in which Lee had filled such a bitter space between them- had reopened a wound he hadn’t realized was so poorly scabbed over in him before.  It had oozed poison, but that poison was drawn out of him now, and he felt... better.  He wanted to make things right with Mrs. Unwin, such as he could, for his own sake as well as Eggsy’s- and if his mother’s approval, or lack of disapproval, further encouraged Eggsy where Harry’s suit was concerned, well.  So much the better. 

Harry glanced up and then stood when he heard the sound of Eggsy coming down the stairs.  He wasn’t alone, Harry noticed- he had his little sister in his arms.

“Hey, Harry,” he said, stopping and smiling when he saw him.  “Say hello to Harry, Dais.”

“Harry,” Daisy said instead.

Harry smiled a little stupidly.  He was neither markedly good nor markedly bad with children; he was at sea largely because he wanted so much to make a good impression.

Eggsy laughed, and passed her to his mother.  Then he turned back to Harry.  “What's going on?  I didn't get a call about- about a client."

Mrs. Unwin's lips flattened out a little.

Eggsy existed in an odd sort of limbo where his mother and her knowledge of his work was concerned.  Between Harry's coworker status and his own not-infrequent injuries- he concealed them from her as best he could, of course, but not always successfully- Eggsy couldn't entirely hide that he was no mere tailor.  The general consensus at Kingsman was that if he didn't tell her what he was doing outright, and she could keep whatever she did know secret, no drastic action was required.  So Mrs. Unwin would pretend not to suspect what it really meant when Eggsy spoke of 'clients', and Eggsy and Harry both would pretend not to know that she had her suspicions. 

"No, no," Harry said quickly.  "It's nothing work related.  I only... I was wondering if you were free to visit that museum exhibit you mentioned this afternoon."

Harry had thought long and hard about how to begin his courtship, and he had decided that something simple and spur of the moment would be best.  He had always liked exposing Eggsy to those cultural things he had missed out on before; he had considered it his mentorly duty, though in hindsight he had always enjoyed it more than a mentor should.  But because he had done such things in the past, Harry thought it a good way for them to spend more time together without it feeling like a major concession on Eggsy's part.  

Eggsy's eyes lit with interest, and he glanced over at his mother.  "You staying in today, Mum?"  He had one eye on Daisy now, his concern clearly for her.  

Before Mrs. Unwin could give him an answer, her phone rang.  She set Daisy down, saying, "I should get this.  You'll-"

"We're not going anywhere just yet," Harry said, sitting back down.  They were in no rush, after all.     

The quiet between them, broken only by Mrs. Unwin's voice as she talked on her phone- audible from the next room but too distant to properly make out- was a little awkward.  First date awkward, Harry thought.  That made it more promising than anything else.

Mrs. Unwin returned a moment later.  If her lips had been a trifle flat before they were a straight line now.  “I’ve gotta go see a friend,” she said.  No further explanation was forthcoming, but Harry could tell it was important. 

He was surprised.  If Mrs. Unwin couldn't be home that day, it seemed obvious that her son would have to stay to watch his sister instead.  While not actively against their... relationship, she clearly didn’t much support it either.  Harry would have thought she would be pleased to have disrupted their plans- but in fact her mouth had practically disappeared.  Why became immediately clear when she spoke again:

“I need you to come with me, Eggs.”

 _Ah_ , Harry realized.  If Eggsy had to go with her, someone else would have to watch the child, and such a job wasn't easily filled at the last minute on a Saturday afternoon.  “I can look after Daisy while you take care of this,” Harry said.  It was the obvious choice; he wouldn't make Eggsy or Mrs. Unwin ask him.  "I’m free this afternoon- and Daisy and I understand each other, don’t we?”

There was a worryingly rambunctious light in her eyes, Harry had to admit.

“Uh-oh,” Eggsy said.  Under his teasing smile, Harry saw genuine concern. 

But Mrs. Unwin must have been desperate, because she said, "All right.  Yes."

Eggsy seemed reluctant to leave, but Harry couldn't decide if that was because he thought Harry couldn't handle Daisy or because he felt guilty.  Harry wondered if- in some previous relationship- Eggsy had broken dates over Daisy before.  Harry knew this didn't count as a broken date- that was the price Harry paid for springing this on him, and Eggsy had yet to agree to anything so formal- but he suspected a tiny part of Eggsy was thinking of it as one nevertheless.

Harry had always kept an eye on Eggsy's love life.  For Eggsy girlfriends- and yes, the occasional boyfriend, Harry hadn't started all this without knowing that possibility was there- had been short-lived and far-between.  

 _So you've been spying on him._ That had been Merlin's input when Harry mentioned his observations on the subject.  

Harry supposed he couldn't argue.  The word choice was hardly flattering, but it was accurate.  Harry _had_ been spying- he liked to call it information gathering, but the fact of the matter was that Harry was a spy.  It didn’t become less spying when he did it in service of his personal life than when he did it for more dramatic reasons. And if the lessons Harry's work had taught him helped him now, so much the better.

Because even before he realized how he felt about Eggsy, Harry had needed to _know_.  So he knew that Eggsy was a dedicated and generous boyfriend- and yet it hadn't been enough to make anyone stay.

He hoped Eggsy hadn't refused him simply because he feared Harry's affections would be likewise fleeting.  He intended to prove otherwise to anyone who doubted him- including Eggsy. 

Harry had to all but trick him out the door.  "Everything will be fine, Eggsy," he promised.

Everything was; five hours later, Harry was exhausted but triumphant.

Daisy had been duly entertained and- as afternoon turned into evening and then night- also fed a nutritious meal, bathed, read to, put to bed, and put to bed a second time.  Now she slept peacefully.  Harry wasn't ashamed to admit that he slumped back against the wall and almost fell asleep himself, right there on his feet.  But then he took a breath, made his way downstairs, and put the kettle on for tea.  It was well-caffeinated and hot enough to scald his tongue, and- cup in hand- he headed to the sitting room and started cleaning up.

Harry's hands were pink from washing with hot, soapy water and his back was more than a little sore when he heard a scratching at the lock.  He hadn't gone around armed in a house with a child in it, but his fingers brushed along the handle of a chef’s knife as he lingered in the kitchen.  But that was a key in the lock, and those were Eggsy’s footsteps in the front hall. 

Harry dried in his hands with a towel and poked his head out.  “Back so soon?”

Eggsy was hanging up his coat, back to Harry, and he made an obscene gesture without turning around.  "Fuck, Harry- you know it's been ages," he said.  He looked exhausted, but Harry enjoyed watching him all the same.  He loved the way Eggsy moved.

"If you'd like to talk about it..."

Eggsy's shoulders slumped and he rested his forehead on the wall next to the coat hangers.  "Mum's friend was married to one of Dean's mates.  Things've been rocky between them since Mum left Dean, but... today she had all her stuff packed and she wanted out, so we helped.  Mum's gonna stay with her overnight."

Harry decided not to press for details, but he did ask, "Does she need anything more?  I can-"

"Not right now," Eggsy said, straightening up.  "It's taken care of, Harry.  But... thanks."  Eggsy seemed better- more relaxed but less tired- by the time he turned.  His eyes swept over Harry from head to toe.  His lips twitched as if he was fighting a smile.  “Well, you’re not dead, I guess.”

“You were worried that I would be?” Harry asked.  “I’m touched.”  He headed back toward the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, “Would you like anything?  Tea, coffee?”

Eggsy gave a quiet groan.  “You’re the guest, Harry.  I should-”

“Nonsense,” Harry said.  “I’ve had half the day here to find my way around, and I can see you’ve had a difficult time of it.  Sit down and let me get you something.”

“Tea sounds nice,” Eggsy admitted at last.  He looked a little as if he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Harry to snap- or at least complain- about the situation Eggsy had put him in.  Was it Dean he was remembering?  He had struck Harry as the kind of man who would resent watching over his own child, and that was one of the better things that could be said of him.  Or had Harry been right to guess that Eggsy's nights out had turned into nights in because of Daisy before?  And had that been one of the reasons Eggsy's former paramours left? 

Harry gave an encouraging smile.  “All right.”

Eggsy sat down on one of the stools next to the kitchen, propping his elbow up on the counter and resting his chin on his palm.  “So you got Dais to sleep all right?”

Harry nodded as he filled Eggsy’s cup.  “And without the aid of Kingsman tranquilizers, though I freely confess to being tempted.”

Eggsy laughed.  “I know that feeling.  But seriously, Harry- thank you for this.”

“It was really no trouble.”  Harry set the cup down in front of Eggsy.

Eggsy gave him this look- this look that was surprised, and a little doubtful, and deeply appreciative all at once.  "I think we both know it was a little bit of trouble.  If there’s anything I can do to make up for ditching you like that…“  

“You could have dinner with me,” Harry said.  He kept his tone carefully light, so Eggsy wouldn’t think he genuinely expected tit for tat.  Not, of course, that he wouldn’t jump in with both feet if Eggsy was currently filled with warmth and goodwill enough to agree - and not that he didn’t fantasize briefly- and however improbably- about Eggsy doing more than agree.  About Eggsy throwing his arms around his neck and begging to be ravished over the kitchen counter.   Harry wasn’t sure he was up to much ravishing- Daisy really had worn him out- but if Eggsy wanted, he would certainly try.

Eggsy set his cup down, and ravishing didn’t seem to be on the table.  He looked... hesitant, yes, but more thoughtful than apologetic.  "Do you mean like..."  He bit his lip.  " _Dinner_ dinner?"  He didn't sound as though he felt pressured, and that was good.  That was important.    

"I mean dinner, Eggsy," Harry said.  "Dinner like we've had before, if perhaps... a little fancier.  Anything beyond that would be up to you."

Eggsy was frowning when he said, "But would it really be the same?"

He sounded less like he was trying to push Harry to a conclusion than like he was just trying to understand, so Harry did his best to explain.  "I don't have all the answers, I'm afraid.  It's difficult for me to draw concrete lines between how I feel about you now and how I always did.  I don't know exactly when or where or how liking your company and wanting to... spoil you a little became more.  Lately I've thought it must have always been this way and I just didn't realize."

"Or maybe not," Eggsy said.  He was beginning to look apologetic, or maybe- maybe scared was closer to what he was, and for a single, horrible second Harry thought that Eggsy was actually going to finally, properly say no. 

He didn't continue, and Harry hesitated to prompt him.  "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," Harry finally made himself say.  He dreaded Eggsy's explanation, but he wouldn't let himself avoid it.  Part of the challenge they had laid out for each other, after all, was that while Harry was trying to convince Eggsy that they were right for each other, Eggsy would be trying to make him see that they weren’t.  It would hardly be sporting if Harry never let him say his piece, even if it did turn out to be as damning as Eggsy believed.

"Well... we're good together," Eggsy said.  "As partners.  As friends.  And you're- you're so- you're so generous.  I get how showing me things is... fun- I guess- for you.  Don't you think that maybe this stuff you're feeling now in addition to that isn't... a little bit too convenient?"  He ducked his head.  "I'm not explaining myself very well, am I?"

"I think you might be," Harry said at last.  "You're talking about friends with benefits, aren't you?  You're wondering if maybe what I want is for our friendship to include sex, and I've just convinced myself that it's more than that when it isn't, yes?"

Eggsy nodded.   

"Because that would be convenient."

Eggsy nodded again.  "I know you're kinda lonely, Harry.  I wouldn't blame you if you'd gotten things... muddled."

There was an eagerness in Eggsy's expression that suggested he wanted this to be the answer- but a dullness in his eyes that suggested he very much didn't.  Harry tried not to draw too much hope from that- Eggsy could never come to love Harry back but still like the idea that Harry loved _him_.  That would be a selfish part of Eggsy that Eggsy himself wouldn't much like, but it would be a part of him all the same.  "Would I be right in assuming that one of the reasons you feel we wouldn't be a good idea is that I might have gotten things muddled?  Because you're too convenient?"

Eggsy actually winced a little.  "You've said it too many times now."

"Convenient?  It was your word."

"Well, you're making it sound dirty."

"I'm making it sound absurd," Harry said.  Eggsy was starting to look like a kicked puppy, and Harry would have softened his tone a little if he wasn't on a roll.  "Eggsy- what did I spend this afternoon doing?”

“Watching my baby sister?”  Eggsy’s voice ticked up at the end like a question, though he clearly knew the answer.  His lip twitched a little, and there it was, he was warming again.  The light was back in his eyes again. 

“And what I am wearing right now?”

Eggsy’s lips twitched some more.  “A tiara.”

“That’s right,” Harry said.

Eggsy finally let himself laugh, snorting indelicately.  “I thought you’d maybe forgotten it was there or something.”

“I know it’s there all too well,” Harry told him, as regally as he was able with the tiara on.  “And if you really thought I didn’t realize, it would have been gentlemanly to let me know.”

Eggsy only snorted again at the reproach.  “I’m sorry, you just look so-”

“How I look isn’t the point,” Harry said, though he was happy to have lightened the mood.  “The point is that I didn’t spend hours playing princess tea parties and helping Daisy with all those butterflies because I think our friendship would be better with fucking.  I did it because you’re important to me.  And your sister is worryingly difficult to refuse anything, and to say that your mother would rather see less of me is probably a grave understatement, and if you’ll excuse me saying so you are actually very inconvenient indeed.  But that doesn’t change what I want.”

Eggsy only stared at him, slack-jawed, for a moment.

Harry pushed the tin filled with the biscuits he and Daisy had made three hours earlier toward Eggsy.  “Have one,” he said. 

Eggsy obeyed as if to do otherwise simply didn’t occur to him.  He munched on the biscuit in silence for a while, then went still.  He stared at Harry, chewed and swallowed the bite he had taken, and said, “What did you mean about butterflies?  My mum ain’t big on dead-”

Harry laughed quietly.  “They’re paper, Eggsy.  Let me show you."  He went to the next room and brought one out.  He had taught Daisy how to make them by trimming a sheet of paper around the edges, painting one side, and folding it in half.  When unfolded, it looked like a butterfly.  "They're still drying," he told Eggsy.  "Be careful."

“That’s sweet,” Eggsy said, holding it delicately between finger and thumb.  He arched a brow.  “How many are there?”

“About a dozen.  I’ve cleaned up all the paint and paper scraps, though, so as far as messes are concerned-”

“It’s okay,” Eggsy said, setting the butterfly on the counter.  “I like them.”

“Good,” Harry said.

Eggsy looked from the butterfly to Harry’s face and back again.  “And they explain why you’ve got paint smeared on your nose.”

Harry actually hadn’t known about that one.  “It would have been gentlemanly-”

“Hush,” Eggsy said, reaching up with his free hand and then brushing his thumb along Harry’s cheekbone, rubbing lightly.  “There,” he said.

He was very close, and his hand lingered on Harry's cheek.  Harry thought about ravishing him again- or at least bending to kiss him.  He didn't think Eggsy would have suggested that Harry might just want them to be friends with benefits unless he was aware of some chemistry between them.  He also didn't think Eggsy would have let things get even this far if he wasn't attracted to Harry at all.  But this was still the first time Harry had thought about kissing Eggsy again and been sure, sure to his bones, that Eggsy would like it after all.

But he had gained as much ground as he dared in that area.  He would have to make his next move carefully.

"So," he began lightly.  "What do you say to dinner?"

Eggsy lowered his hand slowly and let out a breath.  "I say...  Yes."  Then he lifted his hand again and pointed at Harry, eyes teasing and flinty at the same time.  "But _just_ dinner, mind?"

Harry laid a hand over his heart.  "You have my most solemn pledge."

Eggsy snorted.  "Solemn?  You?"

"I already promised faithfully to be your sister's particular knight forever.  I'd hate to think I couldn't keep a promise." 

Eggsy looked at the tiara again.  "And here I thought you musta been the princess." 

"Princesses can be knights too, Eggsy.  Do keep up."

Eggsy's eyes had gone tender again.  "You were really okay today?"

"It was nothing I couldn't handle," Harry assured him, just as gently.  "I believe I can handle anything you throw at me, Eggsy Unwin."

"We'll see about that," Eggsy said, something almost grim in his tone suddenly. 

Harry thought about that- and about broken dates and unkind words- and he thought, _I will make this work.  For him._

*   *   *

Having secured Eggsy's agreement to go to dinner- even if he repeated multiple times that it wouldn't be a _date_ \- Harry did indeed jump in with both feet.  In hindsight, he would reluctantly admit to going rather overboard.  He just... he wanted it to be perfect. 

“What do you think?” he asked as he watched Eggsy's fingertips trail reverentially across the hem of a suit. 

“I think it’s beautiful, Harry,” Eggsy replied in hushed tones. 

Harry fought a smile for a few moments before he realized that there was no earthly reason to do so.  It was one of so many things he loved about Eggsy- that there was no false praise in him.  He would never say such a thing merely to be polite, not with that look of awe written across his face for all to see- or, rather, _not_ for all to see.  For Harry.  This unguarded softness about him was reserved for Harry alone.  Eggsy would allow himself to look this way for no one else Kingsman.  Harry had no reason to hide how much that affected him; he had everything to gain and nothing to lose, for there could be no better seduction than one that sprang from true feelings.

He had made this suit for Eggsy, had thought of him in every stitch.  And he had reflected, over many of those stitches, on what good work he was doing, and now- seeing the truth of it reflected back in Eggsy’s eyes- he could not have been happier.  Eggsy's look now was all teasing reproach: "You told me not to worry about how I was dressed."

"Because I had it taken care of- as you see.  Shall I help you get ready?” Harry made sure Eggsy could hear in his voice how much he genuinely wanted to.

Eggsy’s lips twisted.  His smile there was mock reluctance; his eyes were dancing.  "Only if you promise to tell me what all the fuss is about in the meantime.”

“Nothing would make me happier.”

Harry tugged on Eggsy's sleeve.  They were together in Harry's rooms at the manor, among them a particularly well-appointed bathroom.  It was in that direction he headed. 

“Wh-” Eggsy started, fingers still plucking at the suit.

Harry loosened them gently and took Eggsy’s hand.  “It’s not just a matter of putting on the suit, Eggsy, you know that.”  Harry tsk’d playfully.  “And I know you don’t like to do things halfway.”  The back of Eggsy’s neck flushed pink, but he looked like he always did when Harry showed him something new.  Like he couldn't wait.  “I’ve already run you a bath,” Harry added.  He had been planning this since before Eggsy arrived.  “I’ll see you again in about fifteen minutes, if that suits.”

Eggsy looked a trifle dazed, but he nodded and went in.  Harry smiled and shut the door behind him.

Even before this wooing business had begun, even before Eggsy had been a Kingsman- he had allowed Harry this.  And even before Harry had realized that he was in love with Eggsy he had indeed known that he liked indulging Eggsy far more than was strictly friendly. 

Given how much he did like it, Harry supposed it could be argued that what he had in mind for the evening was as much for his benefit as Eggsy’s- but Harry saw no reason not to kill two birds with one stone.  He knew Eggsy enjoyed the tastes of a more decadent lifestyle that Harry could give him; maybe that on its own wasn't enough to make him throw caution to the winds where their relationship was concerned, but every little bit helped.

After fifteen minutes exactly, Harry knocked on the door.  “All right in there?” he asked.

“Yeah.”  Eggsy’s voice was a trifle strangled, and when Harry cracked open the door and peered inside Eggsy’s skin was even more flushed than before- though that could have been the heat of the water.  The fading sunlight caught the tiny of droplets of water on Eggsy's skin and in his hair, and they shone gold.  One of Kingsman's robes was tied loosely at Eggsy's hips.  He perched on the edge of the tub, the robe peeking open where the strong line of his leg emerged.  Harry didn't let his eyes linger too long on the tempting hint of darkness beyond.

He said, “Come here.”  He put the toilet seat down and sat Eggsy on it.  “Have you had a shave with a straight razor before?” he asked.

“One of the tailors taught me to do it,” Eggsy said.

Harry nodded, hoping the bolt of jealousy that shot through him wouldn’t show on his face.  He would have liked to have taught Eggsy that, but a Kingsman had to look proper in the field and Eggsy had been out on assignment too many times while Harry was still bedridden for him to have remained uneducated in that area.  But… _Ah_ \- “Never had someone else do it?”

Eggsy shook his head.

 _Well, that's something_ , Harry supposed.  Perhaps it could be something good.  “Will you permit me?” he asked.

Eggsy swallowed heavily, a gesture which unfailingly drew Harry’s eyes to the graceful line of his neck.  "Yes," he said.

Harry had to swallow himself; his throat was uncommonly dry, and there was a faint tremor in his hand as he reached for a towel.  _That won't do_ , Harry thought.  He had asked for this, after all.  He could hardly balk now, or he would be as faithless as Merlin had accused him of being.  

Eggsy leaned his head back, and Harry let himself get lost in the rhythm of preparing his instruments and lathering Eggsy's face.  "Now," he said as he worked.  "I've made us reservations, of course."

Eggsy jerked his lovely chin- a lovely chin that Harry was about to become much better acquainted with- in the direction of the next room, where his new suit was still waiting.  "Let me guess: it's the kind of place where you gotta make those reservations weeks beforehand."

"Months, my dear boy."  

Eggsy's eyes widened fractionally- but Harry didn’t know whether that was because of what he said or because he was brandishing the razor.  His hand had steadied, at least- between the familiar pattern of lathering Eggsy up and the conversation, he felt more his usual self.  

"Keep still," Harry said, once he had Eggsy’s face tilted just so.  "You had a question?"

Eggsy didn't speak- he couldn't without moving, and he did so hate to fail at any task Harry put him to- but his eyes said it all.   _But I only just agreed to this_ , and also _you just can't wait to tell me how you did it, can you?_ He looked gratifyingly fond.

"I met the owner about five years ago," Harry explained, blade flashing in his hand as he put it to use.  The line of Eggsy's cheek came first- the right, then the left.  "I was undercover at the time, but I did him... a favor.  A 'whatever you need no questions asked for life' sort of favor." 

Eggsy's gaze turned faintly reproachful.  He didn't need words to ask if that extended to depriving unsuspecting strangers of their dinner reservations.

Harry laughed.  "Not exactly," he replied.  "It's more of a... standing reservation.  With my schedule- and... well... _you_ \- I could hardly know when I would need it.  So if I don't use it, some people who are on the waiting list or who drop by not knowing any better get a nice surprise."

Eggsy's gaze changed again, into something gooier and sharper at once.  Harry liked to think Eggsy thought it was sweet- if also a trifle suspicious.

"I didn't plan to take you there... hmm... romantically," Harry said at last.  "Not when I first put it to him- and that really was months ago.  But I did always mean to take you there."  He wasn't sure he could explain how much he had always wanted to without running into either Eggsy's argument that he was merely generous and confused, or his own uncertainty as to when, precisely, he had begun to feel as he did for Eggsy.  He had read about the restaurant's opening while he was recuperating after V-Day- and, well, who but Eggsy could he possibly want to take?  No, he couldn't say that.

So he changed the subject a little, back to that favor instead.  Eggsy loved to hear about his old adventures, and Harry loved telling him.  And so he worked and talked smoothly, though it was near thing once or twice.  His breath threatened to come ragged and he had to shift positions several times.  Harry loved shaving someone else, but it wasn't often that he got the opportunity.  So yes- it could be said that he had done this for his own benefit as much as Eggsy's, but where was the harm?  And it was just possible that Eggsy found the experience as erotic as he did. 

It certainly seemed that way when he lifted Eggsy's chin with one finger, and tension crackled through the air.  "All right?" Harry asked.

There was a hint of darkness in Eggsy's gaze that certainly gave him hope. 

It wasn't a surprise, really, that Eggsy had allowed him this- that he had perhaps even wanted to.  When it came to learning the world of Kingsman, it was always Harry's hands that Eggsy preferred to put himself into, and when it came to Eggsy's life... the blade tickling across his throat was no more menacing than any of the hundred dangers he had willingly followed Harry into since they had been partners.  And yet there was a... fresh intimacy and promise to this.  If Eggsy would bare his throat for Harry, was it so difficult to believe that he might one day be willing to bare his heart?

Harry would be faithless indeed if he took for granted all the ways- large and small- that Eggsy showed his trust for Harry.  Trust from Eggsy was too tied up in love for him to do otherwise. 

"Come here," Harry said again, his voice rougher than it had been before.  He sat Eggsy up, rinsed his face, and patted his cheeks.  As Eggsy rose, Harry's eyes tracked down.  The robe flowed and readjusted, and Harry glimpsed the line of Eggsy's cock beneath the fabric.  He was _not_ soft.  As confident as Harry had been that if Eggsy simply wasn't attracted to him they wouldn't be in this situation now, it was nice to have proof that Eggsy was.  Eggsy was young, but not young enough to be hard over nothing.  And, well- it was only Harry's age and experience that had kept him from a reaction of his own.  

Harry was glad he had seen and sorry he had seen at once.  It gave him even more hope still, but it made him want things he couldn't afford to.  He couldn't sit Eggsy back down and put a hand on his knee, slide it up Eggsy's gorgeous thigh and keep going.  He couldn't say, _shall we_ _stay here tonight, Eggsy, who needs dinner._ He couldn't kiss Eggsy's newly smooth jaw until he was sure that being with Harry was- if not strictly a good idea- then certainly one of the better bad ones.  Not yet, anyway.  

So Harry ignored those impulses and brought Eggsy back to his room so that he could dress. Any residual plumpness of Eggsy's cock was dutifully ignored- as was any pinkness around his cheeks- as they layered on the suit.  Eggsy accepted Harry's help with grace, and if there was shyness there was also amusement, and fondness, in the way he watched Harry fuss over little details- the placement of his pocket-square, the line of his shoulders, the tying of his tie.  

Once he was satisfied, Harry tugged on Eggsy's sleeve.  Eggsy went willingly to stand before the mirror and Harry settled at his back- close enough to feel his heat but not quite close enough to touch.  "What do you think?" 

Eggsy nodded, exaggerated smirk well in place.  "Looks good," he said.

Harry laughed, but in Eggsy's eyes he saw something almost approaching awe, and in his voice... there was a certain roughness that let Harry know he was still more effected than he wished to appear.  Harry let his eyes trace the line down Eggsy's chin and throat in the mirror, the line he would follow with his lips if he could.   "Very good," he said.  He didn't hesitate to put all his desire in his voice; Eggsy might not be willing or able to admit that he wanted Harry yet, but Harry was under no such constraints.   

Eggsy ducked his head, and Harry didn't say more even though a thousand words of admiration were clamoring on his tongue.  He needed to make his position clear without pressing it too hard.  He couldn't afford to play his cards so quickly. 

He gave what he had said a moment to sink in, holding Eggsy's gaze in the mirror.  "Now," he said at last, glancing away and backing off at the same time.  It was like a tether between them snapped.  "Let's not be late."  Harry was hoping to turn over a new leaf where timeliness was concerned- at least while he and Eggsy were out together.  He crooked his arm. 

Eggsy rolled his eyes, but that hint of darkness was still there.  He took Harry's arm. 

The problem with Harry's new leaf, of course, was that they actually arrived early for once.  The restaurant was large but without too many tables- to keep it from ever feeling unpleasantly overcrowded, Harry assumed- and they were busy that night.  Favor or no favor, Harry could see that they wouldn't be seated anytime soon.  

"I'm sorry about this," Harry said to Eggsy.

"Don't be," Eggsy replied.  The light from the restaurant's many chandeliers shone across his face- and made him look like he was glowing.  "I'm fine.  We're fine."

Eggsy wasn't wrong; there was plenty of seating near the front doors, and in the space over by the bar.  Eggsy watched waiters going back and forth, trays laden with tempting creations.  His eyes got wider by the minute. 

He touched Harry's arm and leaned tantalizingly close to his ear.  "I'm gonna go wash up while we wait, okay?"

"Certainly, Eggsy," Harry agreed. The proposition seemed entirely reasonable at first, but as soon as Eggsy was gone the doubt started creeping in.  Harry had wanted to make a good showing for himself- but suddenly the showing looked a little too good.  It was then that the word _overboard_ occurred to Harry for the first time.  Eggsy liked the finer things, certainly- but the line between treating him to a style of living he had long been outside of, and rubbing his face in all he still didn't understand, was sharp as a knife.  What if they had found themselves on the wrong side of it?  What if Eggsy was actually less awed and more embarrassed?

Harry had yet to fully make up his mind about what was happening- let alone decide what to do about it- when he heard his name.  "Hart?"

Harry turned.

"I thought that was you," said the man the voice belonged to.  He was one of the other people near the bar, and immediately familiar, though it took Harry a moment to place him.  Judging by the empty glass in his hand, he had been waiting even longer than Harry had.  _Hmm_... They had gone to school together, hadn't they?  His name was Leonard or Lester or something. 

Harry strained, but he still couldn't decide which it was.  It was just as well that he didn't care to be too friendly.  "Yes, it is me."

Leonard or Lester or something laughed like this was the finest joke in the world and clasped Harry's hand.  Harry had remembered him having an unusually limp and clammy sort of handshake.  "You know someone here, I assume.  You always do."

"Naturally," Harry replied.  One thing Harry couldn't remember was if he had seen this man at all since school.  It didn't matter much either way; he might have made his contact within the restaurant as a Kingsman, but even before that he had been good at doing favors and cultivating the right allies.  It was part of why he was so good at what he did now.  It was also part of why he wouldn't be actively rude even if he wasn't interested in being friendly.  "Are you here alone?" he asked, scanning the area for someone who looked attached.      

"I have a business meeting later.  And you?"     

"Actually I'm here with..."  Before Harry could decide how exactly to describe Eggsy- he was leaning toward partner, since it would cover both what was literally true and what he hoped would soon be the case- his shoulder was jostled by someone.  "Ah, Eggsy," he said when he saw who the someone was.  "This ought to interest you.  This is an old school-" Harry hesitated only briefly- "friend of mine."

“Ah,” Lester or Leonard said when Eggsy turned toward him and extended a hand.  "Hello, good to meet you."

"Good to meet you too," Eggsy agreed, though he cast Harry an odd look- probably surprised by the quality of the handshake.  "You been waiting around long?" Eggsy asked.

"I have," Lester or Leonard said, gesturing with the empty glass he had in his free hand.  "In fact, would you mind terribly getting me another drink?  I can't seem to flag down a waiter."

Harry went still.  There was nothing overtly rude about the request, and perhaps it would have bothered Harry less if he and his old 'friend' had had anything important to catch up on.  Then again, Harry was used to relying on Eggsy completely, used to trusting him with his life, and in that light any amount of 'why don't you run along while the big boys talk' would have felt like too much.  It could be said that Eggsy, being the youngest there, would be the least imposed- but even that carried an edge of insult, of _too young_.  And it seemed further suggestive of... commonness.  Eggsy's suit was as fitted to this place as Harry's was- having made both of them, Harry would know- but there was still an implication that it didn't matter what Eggsy wore or where he went.  He would always be just a little out of place.      

If Eggsy sensed any of this he didn't react to it- but of course he never reacted when his fellow Kingsman, those few not won over by his heroics on V-Day, suggested that he didn’t belong in their organization either.  It was an unfortunate fact of Eggsy’s life that some people who shared Harry’s background would always think those of Eggsy’s were inherently lower than themselves- Harry didn’t believe that, of course, and he never had, but he felt guilt churning in his gut all the same.  Not just because he had said his share of unkind things to Eggsy before he knew him better, but also for forcing him to hear them again now.  Perhaps Eggsy could tolerate that kind of behavior, but he shouldn't have to.  Not when he was meant to be enjoying himself. 

Before Harry could decide on a response, Eggsy spoke up with a tiny smile, “Of course,” he said.  “Harry, would you like anything?”

“Yes, I suppose,” Harry said.  "You know my usual order."  He might need a drink.      

"Sure."

Gracefully going along with what had been said rather than what was being suggested was of course the best thing Eggsy could do.  Harry was proud of him for it- but that didn’t change his own intentions for as soon as Eggsy was gone. 

Harry leaned close to old Lester or Leonard and said in his ear, "If you don't leave right now you will regret it."

"You're joking."

Harry had been rather a terror at his old school, and though it was popularly known that he now worked as a tailor almost no one who had known him growing up actually believed that was all there was to it.  He smiled, all teeth.  "Judging by that glass of yours and your state of inebriation- and yes, I can tell you're drunk or you wouldn't have asked what you did of Eggsy just now, not while he was with _me_ \- you've been here for some time.  Which suggests to me that you didn't have anything better to do than arrive here early enough to drink for an hour or two on your 'business meeting's' tab.  Now, that's not a habit I suspect has much endeared you to anyone.  Of course, you have contacts of your own, but I bet they're itching to drop you.  Do you really think I couldn't give that push if I wanted to?"

Lester or Leonard shook his head.

"No," Harry agreed.  "Go now and tell them you've been unavoidably detained or you'll soon have a lot more time on your hands."      

Harry was only alone for a few moments before he felt a hand on his forearm.  Eggsy, bearing drinks.  "What happened to your friend?” Eggsy asked, passing Harry a glass.

He drained it.  “He had to go.”  At least Eggsy hadn’t put on what Harry thought of as his 'Kingsman' voice.  At least he was still moving and speaking like himself.  He had heard worse, Harry knew- but that didn't make Harry's next move any less obvious.  He let his hand come to rest on the small of Eggsy’s back, relief surging up from his gut and making his chest feel tight when Eggsy leaned into his touch rather than away from it.  "I think it's about time we left as well."

Eggsy blinked rapidly.  "What?" he asked.  "We haven't even-"

"You are worth ten of any man here," Harry said.  "I sincerely hope you know that.  But this was a mistake.  Come with me."

About thirty minutes later, their reservation had been passed on to a pair of fresh-faced tourists they met at the door, and Harry had an increasingly bemused Eggsy seated at one of the tables in a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant halfway across the city.  Eggsy's jacket was off and around the back of his chair, his tie was protruding from one of the pockets, and his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows.  The food was delicious, of course- but Harry kept getting distracted by the curve of Eggsy's wrist. 

“How do you like your dinner?” Harry asked.

Eggsy grinned as if he didn't mind Harry shuffling him from restaurant to restaurant like this at all.  The sweetness of his smile was in no way marred by the bit of green- Harry thought it was spinach- tucked between his two front teeth.  “It’s great, Harry.  This place is awesome!”

Harry had hoped Eggsy would think so.  That other restaurant... that had been an attempt to let Eggsy into his life that he wasn't ashamed of, but which he now felt had hinged on a faulty assumption.  It was true that Eggsy got the same light in his eyes in such places that he did when Harry showed him the finest in Kingsman tech- because anything that was new and different fascinated Eggsy.  Harry simply hadn’t realized that that fascination did not mean he couldn’t also find them as exhausting as Harry did. 

Taking Eggsy to a restaurant where the reservations were made months in advance wasn't letting Eggsy into his life anywhere near as much as this place, which Harry had discovered by accident years ago, visited regularly while he was in the country, and carried on long, rambling conversations with the immigrant owner and her girlfriend in their language. 

Having Eggsy here, smiling like that, looked as good and felt as right as Harry had not yet let himself so much as imagine. 

Eggsy's smile faded into something more inquisitive as he fully processed Harry's eyes on him.  "What?" he asked.

Harry blinked.  He must have been staring.  He glanced down at his plate- clean except for the merest traces- and then examined his nails.  "It's nothing," he said.  Then, "Only..."

"Yeah?"

Harry let his eyes flicker back up toward Eggsy's face.  There was only so much he felt able to avoid this subject.  "Only you look so lovely," he said.

It was Eggsy's turn to blink and duck his head.  His cheeks reddened a little.  "Oh," he said. 

"I'm... sorry," Harry said, hesitating because he wasn't entirely sure whether or not apologies were in fact in order.  "Is it all right if I tell you things like that?"  He didn't know if Eggsy was only made bashful by the compliment because that was in his nature- he could be so arrogant about some things, and in that too he was such a good match for Harry, but in others he was ever shy of admitting his own worth.  He never hesitated to say that he thought he looked edible in some new offering from the tailors, that a woman- or man- they had both been tasked with impressing on an assignment was sure to pick him- and yet he had looked at himself in the new suit Harry had made for him, looked at Harry looking at him in that suit, like it was a revelation.  It was difficult for Harry to guess where he stood in such matters; what would be welcome, what would help his courtship- and what might harm it irrevocably. 

Eggsy gave a little shrug- but there was a note of uncertainty in his eyes now, and a stiffness in the line of his shoulders.  "It's okay," he said. 

"But?" Harry asked.  He swallowed, the food suddenly sitting uncomfortably in his belly.  "There is a but, isn't there?"  Eggsy's smiles had seemed genuine thus far.  Harry refused to believe that he had read Eggsy's reactions since they got here entirely wrong- he _had_ been enjoying himself, but that didn't mean there mightn't also be something troubling him. 

"It don't bother me," Eggsy said slowly, "that you like the look of me.  It's just... not all there is."  Harry was about to explain that he did very much know that when Eggsy added, "I bet your friend back there liked the look of me."

Harry considered that.  In school he had been- or at least seemed to be- straight as a pin, but... well- perhaps Eggsy could tell these things, even if he had failed to with Harry.  "You're... thinking about _him_?"

Eggsy pulled a face.  "No, not really."  He opened his mouth and closed to it again, seeming to think and rethink everything several times before finally settling on: "I'm thinking about you.  And how you decided that other restaurant was a mistake after all.  And whether you were... right."

Harry wasn't at all sure what to make of that at first.  He looked back on what he had been thinking just now, about Eggsy's pride and lack thereof.  "I meant what I told you then," he said at last.  "And I hope you know that I know your worth.  I certainly thought you did, in this area at least.”

He remembered Eggsy’s impassioned speech that day in the pub.  He had been glib, after they were interrupted, and perhaps Eggsy had taken it to mean that Harry hadn’t heard him, hadn’t been... effected.  But in truth Harry thought that was the moment when he had begun to love Eggsy, even if it took him an unforgivably long time to realize it.  He had been impressed indeed by Eggsy’s fierceness, his pride- not at all misplaced, as Harry quickly learned- and his eloquence.  Harry might have gone on to supply him with a suit and certain rules for polite society, but Eggsy had been fully able to put a man like Harry's old school friend in his place long before Harry got a hold of him.

Harry had known, when they left that restaurant and went to this one, that Eggsy thinking Harry might actually be ashamed of him was a concern- but he had dismissed it relatively quickly.  Clearly, as much as Eggsy had seemed to be enjoying himself thus far, that had been a mistake.  “Don’t you?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Eggsy said.  “Yeah, course I do.  I didn’t mean it like that, I guess.”

“All right,” Harry agreed, relief and confusion filling him in equal measure.  “Can you tell me what you did mean?”

“I meant...  Don’t you think it showed that we're... different?”

Harry hesitated.  “Too different?”

He hadn’t meant for his voice to come out so hurt and small.  He hadn’t meant for it to sound, even faintly, as though he wanted Eggsy to feel guilty for turning him away- if that was indeed what he was doing now. 

But he did feel hurt, and he did feel small, and sometimes there was only so much of himself that he could hide, even with all his years of training.    

Eggsy’s expression was complicated, too complicated for Harry to properly read.  Was he apologetic?  Was he hurt?  Was he frightened?  Some of them, possibly.  All of them, possibly.  None of them, possibly.  Eggsy's mouth opened and closed once, then twice, before he finally spoke, and what he said was, “That’s what I’m asking.”

It was something, Harry supposed, that Eggsy hadn't already decided.  That he was asking.  He considered what to say next.

For too long, perhaps, since Eggsy spoke again- "Because if we are too different then it's nice if you like the look of me but it's not... enough is it?"

"No," Harry said finally.  "I don't suppose it would be."  He thought again back to their last hurdle- one it seemed to him now that Eggsy might not have been altogether aware of them jumping.  He thought of Eggsy's past relationships, all ended too soon and perhaps too easily.  "You would deserve better."

Eggsy's shoulders were still tense.

"But I don't think we're too different," Harry said.  "What about when we're in the field together?" he tried.  "Do you feel that we... clash?"

“No,” Eggsy said, immediately.  “But... this isn’t the field.  Dating isn’t the field.”

“I suppose not,” Harry agreed, slowly- though in truth he didn’t believe the two were all that different. 

Eggsy lifted an eyebrow, as if he knew exactly what Harry was thinking.  “It’s one thing, when you’re looking across Arthur’s table at me and you roll your eyes about how full of himself some posh bastard is, and I know you feel the same way I do and we’re going in together and that you’re going to be in it just as much as I am.”

“This doesn’t have to be another thing,” Harry told him gently.  “I don’t want it to be another thing.  Because I _like_ how different you are.”  Harry felt as if it had been torn from somewhere in his chest, and he wondered in that moment if he hadn’t been taking this business less seriously than it deserved.  It was a question of survival if he had; Eggsy was, it sometimes felt to Harry, his whole heart and if he let himself believe that he might never have him, might never be able to show him how beautiful their time together could be if he was only willing to _try_...

“Harry-” Eggsy started.

“I like how different you are,” Harry repeated.  He might have just found himself knee deep in something rather more serious than he had anticipated, but he was damned if he would back down now.  Backing down had never been his style, after all.  Not when it _mattered_.  “When I decided to take you to that other restaurant, I had an idea of... showing you my world, to a certain extent.  But that part of me- the part that grew up going to places like that and treating it as my due- is never a part of me that I've been very fond of.  I took it for granted, certainly- the same way I take for granted certain of Kingsman's tools.  Showing those things to you opened them up for _me_ in a way I never could have imagined.  And if we went to a restaurant like that again, it wouldn't be to change how different our life experiences have been, but to... savor them.  To spoil you a little with what I have at my disposal- and to just maybe see it with new eyes thanks to you."

Eggsy had stopped trying to talk, his jaw just a tiny bit slack.  His silence at least gave Harry the opportunity to think a bit more about the speech he had just leapt headlong into making.  He supposed he hadn't done such a bad job of it.  Still, he considered his next words more carefully:

“I don’t feel the way I do about you because I want you to be something other than you are,” he said at last.  “It doesn’t become My Fair Lady just because I want- well.  What I want.  I only ever wanted to give you the tools, Eggsy.  I know that there is sometimes friction because of our very different upbringings.  I know it’s not always easy.  But I have never wanted to change you, and I never will.  Do you believe me?"

"Yeah," Eggsy said at last.  He was still gaping a little.  "I guess I do."

"Good," Harry said.  "Also you have a little bit of food stuck between your teeth."

Eggsy's eyes widened.  "Gentleman my arse," he sputtered, but he was laughing, and the line of his shoulders had relaxed completely by the time he worked it free with his tongue. 

Harry wanted desperately to lean across the table and kiss the smile off Eggsy's face.  For a moment, he was struck dumb- and afraid in ways he had never been before.  He had rather convinced himself, when he convinced Eggsy, that the chance to try would be enough for him.  That though it might take some time, he would eventually be able to handle rejection from Eggsy with grace and not resentment.  But could he really?  Or had he already let it go too far?

Whatever Eggsy saw in Harry's face made his smile fade- but not into anything harsh or unhappy.  He looked... tender as he leaned forward and said, confidentially: "I'm thinking about taking my mum here."

"High praise," Harry said.  His voice nearly broke on the first word, but by the second he felt almost like his old self.  "You really do like it."  

“Yeah,” Eggsy said.  His smile returned, and he made a noise that was half laugh, half snort, and entirely charming.  “I’m stuffed, though.  You might have to get a cart and wheel me out of here.”

If Harry had made a mistake, he decided it was actually a minor one.  He _would_ win Eggsy.  This _would_ work.   

As if summoned by Eggsy's words, a waitress appeared.  "Room for dessert?" she asked. 

Harry glanced Eggsy's way. 

Eggsy groaned- but it didn't stop him from ordering something.

*   *   *

Harry dropped Eggsy off after the restaurant and headed home in excellent spirits.  True, he had had a few... jarring realizations while they talked that night; it wasn't entirely pleasant to realize how much more Eggsy meant to him when he had already seemed to be _all_.  But he told himself that it didn't matter, because this was going to work.  Eggsy was going to see just how good together they would be. 

And Harry couldn't have asked for better proof than this: the very next day, Eggsy agreed to have dinner again, and with only a little prompting.  _Perfect_.  Everything about their previous outing that was less than wonderful looked more and more like a happy accident- even if it had left plenty of room for improvement.  Given what he had already said about the way Eggsy expanded his horizons- given how true it was- Harry had decided that Eggsy ought to choose where they went next. 

Eggsy had agreed, and chosen a place owned by his friend Jamal's uncle.

"All right?" Harry asked as he pulled out Eggsy's chair for him.  The restaurant was nicer than he had expected- not that he planned to tell Eggsy he had had expectations or that he had kept them low; this was meant to be a learning experience, wasn't it?- and he was rather looking forward to trying the food. 

His feet brushed briefly against Eggsy’s as he settled in his own seat.  “Well,” Eggsy said.  “Nobody’s treated me like a waiter yet, so that’s something.”

“You don't intend to let me live that down anytime soon, do you?"

Eggsy's eyes were sparkling as if the whole thing had indeed become something to look back on and laugh.  Harry was glad of it, even if Eggsy was laughing at his expense.  He wanted Eggsy to be happy; he certainly seemed that way as his lips curved upward into a smirk and he said, "Nope."

Harry laughed.  He couldn’t help it; Eggsy’s good humor was infectious.  Harry so loved to see him smile.  “I suppose I can handle it,” he said.  “After all, Merlin has been not letting me live things down for years now.”

"Is that right?"

"Hmm," Harry said.  "Very much so."

Eggsy picked at his shirt cuff for a bit, as if he was working up to saying something.  "You two are close, yeah?"

"Very.  We've been friends for years."  Harry wasn't sure what Eggsy was getting at.  "Why?"

"Just wondering if you two ever..."  Eggsy waggled his eyebrows suggestively.  "You know."

"Oh.  No- not at all.  We've..."  Harry searched for something neutral, because he had sometimes thought that- in another life- things might have been different between him and Merlin, but he had never regretted not going there either.  Not the way he would regret it if he failed with Eggsy.  "We've only ever been friends.  _Why_?" 

Eggsy shrugged.  "I'm just trying to figure you out, is all," he said.  "I mean, we were- we _are_ \- friends too, right?"

"Yes."  Harry considered his next words carefully.  "It's... different with you."

And Eggsy looked... doubtful.  Harry glanced away from him, inspecting his plate instead of Eggsy's face.  It became clear in that moment that Harry had been overconfident- little surprise there, he supposed.  He sometimes needed Eggsy to bring him back to earth while they were together, and apparently this was no exception.

If Eggsy had agreed to come tonight it was less because Harry had won him over already than because he still had arguments to make, still had holes to poke in Harry's carefully laid plans.  _No matter_ , Harry decided a moment later.  If convincing was still what Eggsy needed, he would convince.  Now- what exactly was Eggsy asking?  "I've never done the friends with benefits thing, but I _have_ done the... mission partners with benefits thing- so I can hardly blame you for wondering about that.  If you _are_ still wondering about it, that is.  I've never been involved with another Kingsman, though.  Other spies yes- but not within our organization.  Which isn't to say that it's against the rules," Harry added- an afterthought, but perhaps it was a concern. 

“I know.”

“You checked?”

“Had to check my ammunition, didn’t I?”  Something in Eggsy's tone made Harry think that Eggsy hadn’t checked hoping to tell Harry it was forbidden, not really.  Harry suspected he had actually been hoping it wasn’t.  That was promising, even if it was only because Eggsy must have known that of all the reasons he might come up with not to try _it's against the rules_ would surely be the weakest. 

"I suppose you did."

"Well- _I_ suppose I was still wondering about it." 

"You are different, Eggsy," Harry said.  "How I feel about you..."

Harry wasn't entirely sure he could articulate it very well.  How Eggsy challenged him, made him a better Kingsman and a better man.  How Eggsy... overjoyed him.  How proud he was of everything Eggsy had learned, everything he _was_.  How much he wanted to see him loved and happy.  How much he wanted to be the one who loved Eggsy and made him happy.  

"Yeah."  Eggsy's cheeks were pink, and he looked flattered and overwhelmed at once- and that too was promising, wasn't it?  If Eggsy was at least flattered to know that he was special to Harry.  "I guess I'm trying to figure out if you have experience with this.  If you've really thought through the part where we work together and we're good at it.  And that might change."

"I've always thought our partnership boded well for other things," Harry said easily.   Working with Eggsy... it was everything Harry had never even allowed himself to hope for when he chose Eggsy as his candidate.  They were so well matched- different in all the best ways, and yet always on the same page when it counted.  Except, perhaps, in this- and it _was_ new ground for Harry, in every possible way.  "It's true that I've never tried something serious with someone I worked with, though- so as much as I can and do hope, I don't know from experience.  That's _all_ I will concede."

Eggsy laughed softly.  "Yeah," he said.  "All right."  He fiddled with his shirt cuff some more, and Harry wondered if he would push the point or change the subject.  “I’d like to hear about some of them,” he said at last.  "The things Merlin never lets you live down."

“He will be more than happy to regale you if you ask, I’m sure.”

“Actually,” Eggsy said, this sly yet sweet look on his face.  “I was hoping you’d be the one to regale me.”

“Hoping I’ll incriminate myself, eh?” Harry asked.  He scooted closer to Eggsy at the table, letting his foot brush against Eggsy's again.

“Something like that,” Eggsy replied.  His Adam's apple bobbed gorgeously as he swallowed, but he held Harry's eyes and didn't try to put any distance back between them. 

Harry could hardly refuse him anything he asked for.  "Well," he said, his leg resting warmly alongside Eggsy's.  "There was one time, when I was in Barbados...”

The evening was, Harry thought, going wonderfully.  The conversation was flowing, Eggsy was laughing, and the first course was excellent.  And though Eggsy's new concerns had rather taken Harry by surprise he was- tentatively- ready to say that he had handled them reasonably well.

He should have known- given the track record they had established over just two outings- that something would go wrong. 

It started simply enough.  Between courses, Eggsy excused himself, and- as before, in that other restaurant- Harry started having doubts the moment he was alone.  Eggsy had been enjoying dinner, Harry was sure of that.  But suddenly he wondered if he hadn't been overconfident there too.  Perhaps, if their relationship had been on easier footing at that point- if they had been properly on a date, properly _dating_ , and Harry had been sure of Eggsy's feelings- he might not have spent so long worried about the wrong things when Eggsy didn't come back.  He might not have wondered if Eggsy had changed his mind- about dinner, about Harry, about everything.  But he did, and even when he finally went looking for Eggsy he did so with a certain amount of reluctance. 

And he wasn't really thinking- so yes, he was more surprised than a man with his wealth of experience really ought to have been when he turned the corner and found three men pointing guns at him. 

Harry could probably- almost certainly- have taken them- but he was off his guard, and he was worried about Eggsy, so he put up his hands and turned on wide, civilian eyes. 

"Oh, dear," he said.

About five minutes later he was seated on a chair in the restaurant's storeroom with his hands zip-tied behind him.  Eggsy- likewise seated and zip-tied- was pressed against his back.  "You didn't think you could take 'em?" Eggsy asked grumpily.

"I didn't know where you were and I didn't want to risk a fight," Harry said.  "What's your excuse?"

"I was surprised."

Harry snorted, more amused than worried now.  Kingsman was currently in another of its lulls, but they had spent most of the day at HQ and come straight here- which, luckily, meant that not even Eggsy wore civilian clothes.  "Who do you think these men are, anyway?" he asked.

"They didn't seem to think I might be dangerous beyond calling the cops," Eggsy said.  "How about you?"

"Not at all."

"It's probably nothing to do with us, then.  Could be gang related.  Jamal's uncle had ties for a while.  I thought he cut them- I'm sure _he_ thought he cut them too- but it ain't always easy to get out.  He's doing good business now.  Could be they wanna get theirs."

"I see."

"This is what I was afraid of, you know," Eggsy added, seemingly out of nowhere.

Harry considered that.  “You foresaw the very specific circumstance in which you and I might go out together and stumble upon an unrelated crime?”

“No.”  Eggsy sounded like he didn't know whether to laugh or scream- not uncommon with him lately.  “No, I don’t mean that.”

“I’m not entirely sure what you do mean, then.”

Eggsy sounded vaguely plaintive, and though he had only made a few arguments against a relationship between them so far Harry recognized the usual tone immediately.  So these concerns had not been dispensed with after all.  "I mean... The way you got caught just now..."

"I told you, I was worried."

"You were distracted."

"A little, I supposed."

"Don't you think it's important that you _not_ be distracted?"

"Distracted by what exactly?" Harry asked.  He did, he admitted, have only part of his mind on the discussion at hand.  He didn't particularly want to spend all night tied up like this- so he reached back, searching for Eggsy's cuff-link.  "By feelings?  By _you_?"  His wrist twisted uncomfortably and his fingertips fumbled against Eggsy's sweat-slick palm.  At the touch, Eggsy's breath stuttered a little and Harry went still.  He thought about his- relatively minor- flirtations all evening and how Eggsy had, if not actively encouraged, certainly permitted them.  He thought about Eggsy's reactions when Harry shaved him the other day.  Harry took a risk.  "By sex?"

“No,” Eggsy said again, sharp now.

Harry had just reached Eggsy’s wrist, and the sudden pop at his pulse-point suggested a rather different answer.  _In for a penny_ , he thought.  “Because if anyone is distracted by that, my boy, I think it might actually be you.”

“Don’t mean it like that,” Eggsy muttered, though he didn’t deny that a part of him wanted to have sex with Harry. 

Harry relished that, even though he had been sure of it before.  “Then what did you mean?” he asked.  He thought about offering to tone down the flirting a bit when they were in the field- but they hadn’t been in the field, they had been on a date, even if Eggsy hadn’t been willing to call it one.  And unless Eggsy asked him to do otherwise Harry would use every avenue of persuasion open to him, including that one. 

“I mean that-” Eggsy sounded pained, but he changed tacks abruptly.  “What do you mean, _you’re_ not distracted by- by-”

“My advances have been quite measured,” Harry told him.  He felt they had been.  "Delicate, you might say."

Eggsy’s pulse hiccupped again. 

"Which of course doesn’t mean that I don’t desire you,” Harry continued.  “Only that if you think I'm blinded by it- if perhaps you still think that I'm somehow deluded to want more from you than just that- then you are rather on the wrong track.  What I want is a great deal more complex.  I want nights like this, preferably uninterrupted by villains, but given how much I also enjoy going into the field with you I will happily take these things as they come was well.  I want late evenings that turn into mornings over takeaway.  I want awkward tea with your mother and slow days watching your sister.  I even want rows about the dead animals in my house and why can I never get to briefings on time."

Eggsy’s fingers found Harry’s suddenly and wrapped around them tight, momentarily drying up any other words on his lips.  “That doesn’t sound a whole lot different than what we already do.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Harry said quietly.  When he thought about that, about all the things that had been in his head all night and about how much Eggsy meant to him, it frankly _hurt_.  “Which is why- not to put too fine a point on it- it breaks my heart to think that you might never see the whole business the way I do.”  He managed to keep his voice light and squeezed Eggsy’s fingers gently.  “And which is also why I wouldn’t say that what I feel distracts me."

"Oh?"

"I like to think it makes me stronger, most of the time.  But in every way that it does... compromise me... you must see that it's a little late to change it.  The truth is that even if I never get to touch you that way, even if you tell me right now that we can only ever be friends, I will never want to kiss you less.  And more importantly, I will never want to throw myself between you and a bullet less.  I will never be _destroyed_ less if one day you go out without me and never come back.”  Harry stroked his thumb over Eggsy’s wrist.  “Because that’s what you really meant by a distraction, isn’t it?  You’re worried that if we were... together it could compromise us in the field.”

"There’s a reason the military's got regulations against that stuff."

“But Kingsman doesn’t," Harry reminded him.  "Eggsy- many things _would_ change between us if we were together.  That includes the things I’m expecting- the things I would rather like to change- but also things I'm sure I’m not.  Probably some of them will be less than wonderful.  But one thing that would not change is how much you mean to me.  How much I want to keep you safe.  How much it would hurt if anything happened to you.  How impossible it would be if I ever had to choose between my duty and you.  Can you really say differently?”

“No,” Eggsy whispered.  “I can’t.”

Harry gave Eggsy’s fingers a final squeeze and slid his hand back up to Eggsy’s wrist, unfastening one of his cuff-links at last and dropping it into his palm.  “There,” he said. 

“Don’t think I don’t know you was taking your time with that on purpose,” Eggsy said.  His voice was thick and soft. 

“On purpose?” Harry repeated.  “Me?”

“You,” Eggsy said, lightness slowly creeping back into his tone.

Harry turned his head and pressed a quick kiss into Eggsy’s hairline.  “Then forgive me for wasting your time,” he said.

“Not a waste of time,” Eggsy said softly.  It was possible that he meant the cuff-link, but Harry doubted it somehow.  Eggsy used the tiny blade inside the cuff-link to cut his own zip ties and then Harry's.  And as they helped each other up, Eggsy asked, "Think this'll be another one of those things Merlin never lets you live down?”  His voice hadn't quite returned to its normal volume.  

Harry decided to let him change the subject.  They had, he was sure, made progress.  "It's certainly possible.  He's never pleased when I run into trouble in my downtime- not that I feel this can be in any way blamed on me.  These men present a danger.  We have to stop them."

"Right," Eggsy said, peering around the storeroom door. 

"It's not something I intend to let _you_ live down, certainly."

Eggsy shot Harry a look.  "Why?"

"We may have ended up having play musical restaurants last time, but at least we ate eventually.  I'm starving."

"I'll get you something after we've taken care of this, yeah?" Eggsy said.

Harry smiled.  Despite their bad luck in running into these men, he had to admit that he was a little pleased.  He really did enjoy fighting side by side with Eggsy, and if this was his chance to prove that he still could, he was willing- eager, even- to make the best of it. 

"Ready?" he asked Eggsy.

"Fuck yeah," Eggsy replied.  "Let's do this."

*   *   *

Harry lingered at the far end of the bar, watching Eggsy from a distance.  The music in the club was too loud and it was difficult to see in the dark, but Harry couldn't deny that Eggsy looked lovely with the ever-changing lights from the dance-floor flashing across his face.  

Harry gazed unhappily into his glass and wondered- not for the first time that evening- if he hadn't made a mistake in coming tonight.  Eggsy was clearly enjoying himself- dancing and laughing- but this club was no place for Harry.  He couldn't help thinking that Eggsy would surely see that, and soon.  Harry wasn’t usually given to bouts of insecurity, but in that moment there was no doubt in his mind that nothing about seeing him here would persuade Eggsy to date him in the least.

But... Eggsy had asked him to come.  After what happened at the restaurant- the fight which resulted in no civilian casualties but a great deal of paperwork- Harry wouldn't have blamed him for wanting a little time to regroup.  But that afternoon Eggsy had mentioned that he was going out with his friends that night.  Apparently Jamal- who knew that they had been involved in what happened at his uncle's restaurant but not the details- wanted to meet Harry.  While by no means a date, it had struck Harry as too significant to pass up- even for his pride. 

And it had started promisingly enough.  Eggsy had insisted that turnabout was fair play, and refused to go anywhere with Harry until he put on something 'less Kingsman'.  Harry had changed into a pair of dark jeans and a jacket that he had almost forgotten he had- but the liquid heat in Eggsy's eyes as he nodded and said _I guess you'll do_ had kept Harry from being too embarrassed.  And, when they met, Jamal and Eggsy's other friend Ryan were dutifully friendly.  But- as time went on- what had been obvious as Harry got dressed became doubly so: Eggsy was in his element here; Harry was not.  Eggsy was surrounded by people his own age, people clearly more like him in taste and temperament.  He belonged here in a way Harry never would, and it was far too easy to follow that thought to its natural conclusion:

That he didn't belong with Harry at all. 

“You wanna get outta here?”

Harry startled.  He had become so absorbed in these morose thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Eggsy leaving his companions and coming over to him.  “I thought you were having a good time,” he said.  Eggsy had been; in what light there was, he had practically glowed.  “You shouldn’t leave on my account.” 

He thought about telling Eggsy that he would go home, and leave Eggsy to... whatever he was doing.  It wouldn’t be difficult for Eggsy to find someone to leave with him, Harry thought unhappily.  Someone to do all the things he couldn't make up his mind to do with Harry. 

 _Christ_.  What was Harry thinking, pushing this?  Couldn’t he see that Eggsy had only ever been _kind_?

Before he could give voice to any of this- before he could so much as find the words- Eggsy waved a dismissive hand.  “All this is fine, Harry, but I don’t need it.”

“If you’re saying that just because I-”

“I’m not, Harry.”  Eggsy certainly looked very sincere.  “It’s nice and all but it’s not my life anymore.  I ain't sorry about that.”  He jerked his chin toward the exit.  “C’mon, Harry.  I came here with _you_ , yeah?  Let’s at least go someplace where I can see you.”

“What about your friends?”

Eggsy shrugged.  “They’ll meet up with us later if they want to.”

Harry considered that for a moment, and then he shrugged too.  “I am- as ever- at your disposal.”

Eggsy gave a little laugh and tugged him outside. 

It was a cool night, and the chill on the air was a shock and a pleasure at once compared to the sweaty heat of the club.  Harry stayed close against Eggsy’s side, searching his face and body language for any hint that he regretted leaving- or even just that he regretted leaving with _Harry_.  He saw none.  Eggsy's head was titled back into the breeze.  His eyes were closed and his lips were ticked upward into a smile. 

He looked so lovely.

Harry tried to shake off his bad mood.  Any man would be lucky to be leaving with Eggsy- and even if they would be going their separate ways all too soon, it was something that tonight Harry was that man. 

It was something, and usually it felt like enough, but tonight... tonight Harry was itchy.  Tonight he wondered if he had been wasting his time and breaking his heart- both their hearts, quite possibly- over nothing.

"I'm sorry," he said, scuffing his shoe on the concrete.

Eggsy, still warm against him, stopped.  He tilted his head to one side and shot Harry a bemused look.  “For what?”

“I’m afraid I wasn’t very good company tonight.”

Eggsy shrugged.  “It's fine.  It's not your fault that weren't really your scene.”

“You said it wasn’t yours either.”

Eggsy looked down.  “Guess it’s that ‘you can’t go home again’ thing, innit?”

“I’m sorry,” Harry said again.  He had no idea what to do with his hands, so they curled into fists at his sides.  He wanted to touch Eggsy desperately, but he had no idea if it would be welcome.

“Don’t be,” Eggsy said, turning to face Harry properly at last.  “I’m happier than I ever was, swear to God- I just... I guess I just haven’t completely figured it all out.  I don't wanna lose touch with my friends- or with who I used to be.  I think that's important.  It just ain't easy to work out a balance.”

"Yes, of course," Harry murmured.  He felt bad for sulking when Eggsy had clearly been trying to show him something tonight- perhaps even meet him halfway. Despite his argument- at one time- that they were too different, it was obvious that he wanted to even the playing field between them as much as Harry did.  It was just that Harry's pride had been hurt- and there was even more to it than that.  Harry understood _that you can't go home again thing_ very well, and though he believed it when Eggsy said he was happy, he couldn't help feeling guilty.  As much progress as Eggsy had made toward acceptance within Kingsman, there were still times when he didn't quite fit in.  It was possible that those times would never go away entirely- and if he didn't fit in here anymore either, what was left for him?  There was Harry, of course- but suddenly that hardly seemed like enough.  If it mattered, though- "I'm always here."  Harry reached out hesitantly and let his fingers glide over Eggsy's forearm.  "You don't have to work it out alone.  I apologize if I ever made you feel that you did."

Eggsy's smile was wry but- Harry thought- genuine.  “I know that,” he said.  He stepped toward Harry.  “And I’m grateful to you.  For that- and for so much else.”

"I don't..."  Harry hesitated.  He was so afraid of putting Eggsy in a difficult position.  He was so tired of feeling as though he did that simply by wanting Eggsy so.  "I don't want that gratitude to keep you silent if you've..."  Harry took a breath.  "If you've come to a decision that you think I won't like."

"I haven't," Eggsy said softly.  "It's just that I..."

He fell silent, and Harry knew just what he was working up to.  Not specifically, no- but he could tell that Eggsy was going to make another of his arguments against their relationship, and just then it was the last thing Harry wanted him to do.  After the way he had felt in that club- so far from Eggsy by every conceivable measure- Harry knew that if Eggsy brought up how different they were again he might not be able to argue.  

What Eggsy did finally say, though, was something Harry would never have anticipated.  "I guess I wonder, sometimes, if I don't think you're better than you are."

Harry thought about that.  "Your behavior much of the time hardly speaks of hero worship."  He meant Eggsy's frequent teasing. 

Eggsy snickered in a way that rather reinforced the point- but Eggsy was certainly right that if he saw Harry as somehow perfect, rather than as a man with his flaws and foibles, that could be a problem.  But around the time of the church- and Harry didn’t believe this with self pity, he had made peace with what he had done and been made to do that day- certain scales had fallen from Eggsy’s eyes. 

Harry wasn’t sorry for that; not if it meant they could have a future together. 

“I mean that you’re too good to me, Harry.  And it... confuses me, sometimes.”

Harry didn't believe he was any better than Eggsy deserved, but before he could find the words to say so he was cut off by a whistle. 

It was only then that Harry realized just how close to each other they had gotten.  He stepped back immediately, eyes snapping to where the whistle had come from.  Jamal and Ryan were approaching. 

“Not interrupting anything, are we?” Jamal asked.

Eggsy shook his head.  "No- we're good."  He glanced up at Harry, the question- _can this wait?_ \- clear in his eyes.  "Right?"

"Yes," Harry said. 

And so Eggsy's friends fell into step with them.   They were good company now that they were outside the club and able to talk more easily, and Harry did his best to keep up despite his mood.

"So," Ryan was asking, a sly smile on his lips while Jamal elbowed Eggsy teasingly.  "He actually any good as a tailor?"

Unlike Mrs. Unwin, Jamal and Ryan apparently genuinely believed that Eggsy was a tailor despite what they knew of the altercation at the restaurant.  Harry still answered as honestly as he could.  "He's unconventional, certainly- but he's also one of the best I've ever seen."

"What's it like for you to work together?" Jamal asked.  "Being so..."

His hand gesture didn't really clarify anything for Harry, but he supposed he could guess.  So oddly matched- that must have been what Jamal meant.  "I suppose I expected it to be a little difficult at first.  We fell into step quite easily, but I can't say there's never any friction.  We are so different, after all."  Harry considered his next words carefully.  He didn't know if he was meant to present himself merely as a coworker- as a friend- or if Eggsy had told them that Harry wanted more.  Either way it was difficult for Harry to imagine that they couldn't see how utterly mad he was about Eggsy.  And- whatever kind of act Eggsy might or might not want to put on before his friends- Harry needed to tell Eggsy now, not hours later when they could finally be alone again, how much he meant to Harry if he had been doubting it.  "Eggsy... makes me better at what I do.  And I wouldn't trade that for anything less complicated."

He glanced over at Eggsy.  Judging by his flush, he had an idea of what Harry was really trying to say. 

"And the... dating part?" Ryan asked.  He sounded a trifle uncomfortable, but not in a way that suggested their supposed relationship bothered him, just that he preferred not to talk about it.  "That's... going good?"

Harry kept looking at Eggsy, who had come to an abrupt halt. 

He was shocked, Harry supposed.  He wondered if that was really justified.  After all, plenty of people at Kingsman thought they were dating; Eggsy could hardly be unaware of that still.  But perhaps this was different.  The dynamic he had with Harry at work- Harry’s mentoring, all the time they spent together, their shared habits- might seem naturally suggestive to some eyes.  They had been different tonight, and Jamal and Ryan were unquestionably different from their fellow Kingsman, and yet they had still concluded that they were dating.

Which- well.  That answered Harry's question before, about what exactly Eggsy had already told them.  Eggsy didn't say anything, didn't correct them, and so Harry finally said, "That's relatively new."  This was true.  "But... not bad, I don't think."

"Not bad," Eggsy echoed.  His tone was warm, and he didn't sound like he wished Harry had said something different. 

Still, when they stopped by a small park where a man with a cart was selling Belgian waffles, Harry offered to get them all some.  He was a little hungry- and he thought they might all be as well.

Jamal and Ryan both thanked him but refused, but Eggsy said, "I'd like that, Harry, thanks."

So Harry made his way over to the cart while Eggsy and his friends came to a stop around the corner.  He took his time ordering; he had meant this to serve a double purpose: getting them something to eat, yes, but also giving Eggsy some time alone with his friends.  To at least tell them the truth about Harry if he wished to.

When Harry finished, he turned around and found Eggsy waiting for him, a fond look on his face.

"Your friends..."

"They decided to go home," Eggsy said.  He looked tentatively happy, not disappointed at all.  "They liked you, you know.  I'm glad."

"So am I," Harry said honestly.  "I like them."  He considered saying more, but nothing felt quite right, so he let the silence between them stretch as he handed over the waffle.  It was warm, and not too awkward, but Harry finally heard himself say, tentatively, "I'm sure _they_ don't think I'm too good to you."

Eggsy snorted.  "Probably not.  You might even be in for the old _if you ever hurt him_ talk."

And Harry thought he would relish it, if it meant that he had Eggsy to swear never to hurt.  But for now... "I've done nothing I wouldn't do again.  All I've said, all I've given to you... I wouldn't take it back even if I knew I could never win you.  I haven't put on some kind of show for you, if that's what you're worried about.  Not really."

From the way Eggsy ducked his head, he had been- at least a little- worried about that. 

"I don't... hide myself from you, good or bad.  I don't _want_ to.  And..."  Harry wasn't quite sure what Eggsy wanted to hear, what Eggsy needed to hear, but... "I don't want you to hide yourself from me either."

Eggsy's breath hitched, and he whispered, "There's parts of me even I don't like."

Harry wasn't sure which parts those might be; he didn't have to be to answer: "I know."  Everyone felt that way at times- especially in their line of work.  Harry let his hand slide up to Eggsy's bicep, holding him gently.  "I'm not sure if it's arrogant or not to say, but... You will never find anyone who understands that better than I do." 

"Probably not," Eggsy agreed with another laugh.  He was close to Harry, close enough to rest his forehead against the side of Harry's face. 

Harry allowed himself to savor it.   "And I need you to know that whatever happens- whatever you ultimately decide- I will never leave you alone with that.  Not ever." 

For a moment, Harry found himself wishing that he didn't love Eggsy as he did.  Wishing that to be Eggsy's friend and support him and help him navigate his new life was all he wanted and all he ever would.  But the moment ended quickly- because someone had to teach Eggsy all the wonderful things it could mean to have someone in love with him, wholly and absolutely.

And even if Eggsy would never want to truly be with him, Harry knew that someone should be _him_. 

Eggsy was silent for a moment, just taking in what Harry had said.  And then, slowly, he backed off- eyes flickering to his waffle and Harry's empty hands.  "You didn't get yourself one?"

Harry looked down and laughed.  "I suppose I forgot."

"C'mon," Eggsy said.  "You can share mine while you take me home."

"That's gracious of you."

"Yeah, it is." 

The walk to Harry's cab passed in agreeable silence, and when they arrived at Eggsy’s house he didn’t protest as Harry walked him to the door.  He even hesitated- the soft hesitation of someone who maybe didn't want the night to end just yet.

“Night, Harry,” he said at last.

He was fiddling with his keys, his body turned toward Harry rather than away from him, and Harry... Harry wanted linger.  A part of him insisted that that would be a bad idea, that all the progress he had made with Eggsy tonight was too important to jeopardize now just because Eggsy’s lips were saying one thing while his body said another.  But the rest of Harry knew that he had only gotten this far by being bold.  He could afford to be a little bolder.  “May I-” he hesitated a moment more.

“Yeah?” Eggsy asked.  His back was almost fully to the door by then, and he was so close and warm.

“May I kiss you?” Harry asked.  “Or would it run contrary to your purposes?”  That bit of teasing, Harry thought, was important.  It would give Eggsy an opening to refuse and still keep things easy between them. 

Eggsy blinked, as if he had actually forgotten his promise to argue against Harry every step of the way.  But then his lips quirked and he relaxed, as if they remained on comfortable ground after all.  “What makes you think that?  Maybe it’s right in line with my ‘purposes’.”

Harry lifted an eyebrow.  “Oh?”

“Yeah.”  Eggsy rested his back against the door, a hint of casual challenge in his body language.  “Could be you’re a bad kisser,” he said.  He huffed out a laugh.  “Or I am.”

Harry let one of his hands rest on the door beside Eggsy’s head.  “Could be,” he agreed as he pressed closer.  He lifted his other hand to cup Eggsy’s face, tracing the line of his jaw with a fingertip and letting his thumb smooth across Eggsy’s soft lower lip.  Harry took his time closing what little distance remained between them.  He wanted to give Eggsy every opportunity to change his mind. 

And then they connected and-

 _Oh_.  Soft didn’t even begin to describe the lushness of Eggsy’s lips beneath his own.  Harry had thought he remembered that single drunken kiss between them with perfect clarity, but his memories were nothing compared to the breathtaking reality of Eggsy’s mouth.

Harry gave himself a moment or two to grow accustomed to the sensations, then he teased at Eggsy’s lips until they parted and just waited.  He didn’t want to rush this, it was true- but there was more to the pause than that.  Eggsy had allowed the kiss, but right now allowing it was all he was doing.  Harry thought that perhaps if he was patient, Eggsy might...

Eggsy did.  He made a soft noise against Harry’s mouth- and then his hands came up to clutch at Harry’s shirtfront, pulling him closer and returning the kiss with energy.  His mouth slipped open- or was that Harry’s?- and at his first real taste of Eggsy Harry groaned and stumbled a little, catching himself by resting his entire forearm against the door.  It was an awkward position, but Harry couldn't care about that when Eggsy’s tongue flickered wetly against his own.

Harry uncurled the fingers of that hand, shifting it until he could brush those fingers into Eggsy’s hair.  His other hand slipped from Eggsy’s face to his neck, caressing the smooth line of his throat. 

Harry's breathing was labored when he finally ended the kiss.  He let his fingers play against Eggsy’s scalp for a moment more.  His thumb slid over Eggsy’s pulse point; his heartbeat was fast, his eyes were dark, and he chased Harry’s lips, giving him another quick kiss.

“You’re not,” Harry told Eggsy, his voice rougher than usual.

“Hmm?”  Eggsy looked gratifyingly dazed as he stared up at Harry.

Harry braced himself against Eggsy's door and pushed off, giving him a little more space.  “You’re not a bad kisser.”  As if there had been any doubt.

Eggsy still looked dazed, but also pleased- flattered. 

Harry stroked Eggsy’s cheek one last time and let go of him completely.  “Good night,” he said.  He bowed his head a little.  It felt too formal with his lips still stinging from that kiss, with Eggsy’s taste- like the waffle they shared but sweeter- still on his tongue, but Harry was reluctant to push his luck.  This- _Eggsy_ \- really was too important.  He wouldn’t jeopardize it now. 

He watched it go through Eggsy’s mind that he was really leaving.  He watched, too, as Eggsy considered his response.  His lips parted.  One such response, Harry could see, was asking Harry not to leave at all.  Asking Harry _in_. 

For a moment, Harry was dizzy with possibility.  He had made a dent in Eggsy’s doubts, he was sure of it- and while spending the night together wouldn’t do away with those doubts entirely Harry was sure it would help.  He could make Eggsy feel so _good_.    

But then Eggsy nodded slowly and said, “G’night.”

And Harry wasn’t disappointed.  Oh, he had a feeling that Eggsy asking him in, taking him into his bed and letting Harry convince him of his affections with his body for once, would feature prominently in his fantasies later on- but he wasn’t exactly surprised it wouldn’t be that easy.  He was a little sorry, though- because Eggsy had wanted more just now, Harry could see it.  And the longer he lived with his feelings for Eggsy the less he liked being something Eggsy wanted only despite his better judgment.

Eggsy retrieved his keys, dropped while they were kissing, and Harry supposed himself dismissed and headed back to the cab.  He hadn’t gotten far before he heard, “Harry?”

He turned back.  “Yes?”

Eggsy was still slumped against the door.  “You ain’t a bad kisser either,” he said.  He had such a sweet, tiny smile on his face.  “Not even when you’re plastered.”

“Why, thank you, Eggsy,” Harry said.  The words were light, but he wasn’t sure that he had ever wanted anything so much as to cross back to Eggsy now and kiss him again, kiss him until he finally gave up this ridiculous notion that they didn’t belong together.  Harry calculated he could do it in six steps and only a few more kisses. 

Harry suspected Eggsy could see that in his face and hear it in his voice.  His cheeks were flushed under the porch light, and Harry saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed heavily.  He didn’t speak again, but he didn’t look away from Harry either.  He unlocked the door from behind his back, eyes on Harry as he got it open and backed inside.  He held Harry’s eyes right up until he finally shut the door, and Harry pictured him there still, resting his forehead against the door on his side and just looking at where Harry would be. 

Harry took a ragged breath and looked down.  He was only half hard, but still harder than he preferred to be on a public street, even late at night.  What had happened to age and experience?  He closed to the distance to the car and climbed into the back in record time.

He sat in silence as the cab started up, watching the streetlights go by and thinking of Eggsy.   _  
_

*   *   *

Harry went into work the next morning in the best of moods.  He knew he had seen- or thought he saw- the light at the end of tunnel once before and been wrong, but this time... it felt like something different.  That kiss felt like something different. 

And yes, he had been rather left wanting the night before- but after a long shower that morning spent fantasizing about what could have happened instead, Harry still saw such promise in it.  Better yet, there was an easy day ahead.  Harry was getting as tired of their long period out of the field as Eggsy was, but they were assigned to work together in the tailor's shop today.  Harry found that work restful- and he loved showing Eggsy the tricks of the trade.  

But when he arrived at the shop he found an almost apologetic-looking Merlin with clipboard in hand and no Eggsy at all. 

“He left early this morning,” Merlin informed Harry.

“Left?” Harry asked stupidly.

“Mmm,” Merlin replied.  “Yes. Percival had family business to take care of, so he needed another agent to take his place on his latest assignment."

“And he suckered Eggsy into it, did he?” Harry grumbled.  He knew he shouldn't behave as if this was about him, but it rather felt like it was.  He should have known Percival would get back at him for all his teasing; it was difficult to read this any other way. 

“Actually, Eggsy volunteered,” Merlin said. 

Harry couldn’t help being disappointed, hurt.  After everything, he could allow himself that- couldn’t he?  “And he didn't think to mention it to me?"

"It was quite last minute- and a solo assignment," Merlin said mildly.  If he knew- what was Harry thinking _if,_ of course he knew- what reason other than their standing partnership Harry had for being upset that Eggsy hadn't told him, he hid it well.  But then he added, "You needn't take it personally."

"I'm not," Harry snapped, though he was and they both knew it. 

Yes, Percival always worked alone, but Eggsy could have _tried_ to bring Harry in.  He could have at least said goodbye. 

Harry looked at the floor.  "Is he already gone?"

"Yes," Merlin replied without further needling.  He must have been able to tell that Harry was no state to tolerate it.  "In fact, he left very early this morning and is now firmly entrenched.  He..."

Harry took a breath.  "Yes?"

“Well- the assignment was only expected to take a few days when he left, but when he contacted me an hour ago he said he thought it would be the work of a week.  If not more.”

“I see,” Harry said quietly. 

He trusted Eggsy to have told him if he was pushing too hard, if he needed to back off- or at least he'd thought he did.  But it was difficult to look at the situation- even if the mission was going to go longer than anticipated through no fault of Eggsy's- and not think that this must have had something to do with him.  With _them_. 

And... well.  Harry had never kissed someone and had them flee the country so promptly before.    

*   *   *

“Eggsy oughta be getting back on the weekend, yeah?” Michelle said.

“Yes,” Harry replied.  He was perched on one of the chairs in her sitting room and holding a cup of tea.  Eggsy had been gone for a week and a half, and Harry missed him fiercely.  He knew that- for better or worse- when they were apart he always would.  “Yes, I believe he is.” 

The days without him had passed in something of a daze for Harry until he decided to pay Michelle a visit and see how she was faring.  Well, as it turned out.  So he kept coming. 

The silences between them were awkward- filled with talk of the weather and the new neighbors and everything, everything but what really mattered.  Harry wouldn't go so far as to say that he and Michelle were becoming friends- but she had asked him to call her by her first name, and when she saw him at the door her smile was at least a tiny bit genuine, so he did believe they were at least making slow progress in that direction. 

This was the first time Michelle had brought up Eggsy at all, and to Harry it felt rather like playing two truths and a lie.  This game of knowing she knew perfectly well that her son wasn't just a tailor but pretending otherwise had been easier with Eggsy around.  It had also been easier when Harry didn't care so much for Michelle on her own merits. 

He sipped his tea.  “Do you have any plans for Eggsy's return?” he asked at last. 

Michelle set her own cup aside delicately, her lips flattening out a little.  “That’s actually something I was hoping to talk with you about.”   

“Oh?”

She nodded.  “My friend- I think Eggsy said he mentioned her to you?"

"The one who recently... left another situation?""

She nodded again.  "Well.  She's settled in a house by the seaside and she's invited Daisy and me to come and stay with her for a while.  She says she's doing well and I believe her, but... it might be that she shouldn't be alone just now."

“I see,” Harry said carefully.

“It would mean missing Eggsy coming back.”

Michelle said it slowly, with a degree of apprehension in her gaze that Harry wasn’t sure how to account for.  He thought about how Michelle clearly knew that whether or not Harry ever succeeded in becoming a paramour he was still an important- and most likely permanent- fixture of Eggsy’s life.  He thought about how- despite not seeming to like him much personally- Michelle was clearly alive to the possibility that he might... disapprove of her.  Might think she hadn’t done enough for her son.  He wondered if perhaps she feared this would be read as another such failure. 

He wondered, too, if it might not be something else entirely.  She was specifically telling him that she might not be here for Eggsy’s return.  It was possible that she was giving him the opportunity to tell her not to go; it was also possible that she was ceding the- to someone with her history- all important task of confirming Eggsy's wellness to him this time around.  It was a burden she might worry he could not carry. 

When Harry said nothing either way, Michelle added, “You’d look in on him?  If he _was_ alone?”

“Of course,” Harry said.  “And my door would always be open.”

Michelle’s mouth twitched a little, but if she found the idea of Eggsy staying with Harry distasteful she kept it to herself.  It was unlikely, after all, that any bed Eggsy slept in would be Harry’s.  Whatever her intentions in asking this of Harry, she was thawing to his relationship with Eggsy, such it was; that was more than enough for now. 

She picked up her cup and had another sip of tea. 

When Harry was finished with his, she walked him to the door.  Outside, in the bright sunshine, Harry saw Daisy on the stoop of one of the neighboring houses, playing with a boy about her age.  Her hair glowed like a halo as she waved to him.

Harry waved back.  “Good afternoon, Michelle,” he said over his shoulder.

She smiled from the doorway with what appeared to be real warmth.  “Good afternoon, Harry.”

And so, on Thursday, Michelle left for her friend’s house.  Harry helped her carry bags to the car.

On Friday, Eggsy’s extraction time approached.  Merlin banned Harry from HQ for making a nuisance of himself.  “I don’t need you in my hair,” he said, “and neither does Eggsy.”

Harry dragged his eyes along the shining curve of Merlin’s scalp and said nothing.

In retaliation, Merlin banned him for three extra days. 

Harry obediently went home. Normally he and Eggsy were on assignment together, which meant that if one or both of them didn't want to be alone they could simply- wordlessly- stay together.  It wasn't so easy when they couldn't do that- and when Harry didn't know as intimately as he normally did just what Eggsy had been through over the course of the mission.  Harry couldn't begin to guess whether Eggsy would want company or the opposite, and that was without taking into account everything that had happened between them of late.  Even if Harry assumed all of his biggest concerns were blown wildly out of proportion, he still couldn't convince himself that Eggsy's leaving had nothing to do with him.  Perhaps he had been deluding himself whenever he thought they were making progress.  Perhaps he had been deluding himself all this time.   

He put his worries aside and straightened up around the place, made up his spare bed, and- upon discovering that there was no food in his refrigerator- went out shopping.  

Harry returned about an hour later, laden with grocery bags- and didn’t get two steps into his house before he froze, the immediate sense of something _wrong_ taking him by the throat.  There was someone else there.  Harry was still for less than a second while he processed all that, got on his guard, and was moving again as if he suspected nothing amiss.  It was a pause only someone who did that sort of thing for a living would have noticed at all.

Harry’s guest did do that sort of thing for a living.  “Sorry,” he said.  “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Eggsy,” Harry said.  He relaxed, flicked on the light, and saw Eggsy in the sitting room, curled up in an armchair.  Eggsy was blinking to adjust to the new brightness; just how long had he been sitting there in the dark?  “If I’d known you would be back already I would’ve offered to pick you up.“

Eggsy’s mouth twisted and he shrugged.

Harry didn’t know if he had done something wrong.  It made him feel awkward.  "I wasn’t sure if you would want to go home or not.”

“I did,” Eggsy said. 

He didn’t elaborate further, and for a second Harry couldn’t have moved if his life depended on it.  He envisioned Eggsy thinking of this- of _him_ \- as home and it made him weak, made him foolish.  He normally tried to be upbeat about all this, tried not to wallow in how desperately he wanted Eggsy and how much it would hurt if it never did work out- but Eggsy’s abrupt departure had made him think and feel things he had meant to put behind him.  It was residual bitterness from that period, Harry told himself, that made him so unreasonably angry for the no-doubt unintended double meaning.  Eggsy hadn’t been saying _that_.  “You got my message about your mother, I assume?  That she and your sister are at the seaside?”

Eggsy slumped a little, nodding.

There.  That was all he'd meant.  He had planned to go home and then hadn't because of them.  “There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be by yourself after a solo assignment,” Harry said.  “I only meant that I would've done things differently, if I’d been sure you-”

Eggsy flashed Harry a tight smile.  “You’re too good to me,” he murmured. 

Harry didn’t think he was any more than he had before Eggsy left- but he suspected that Eggsy was in no state to play at their their usual game, so he decided to let it be. 

Louder, Eggsy said, “It’s fine, Harry.”

"And you?” Harry asked. 

Eggsy’s smile softened, loosened a little.  “I’m fine too.  Really.”

Harry smiled back.  “Good.”  He finished stripping off his coat and taking off his shoes, and then he lifted his bags again and headed for the kitchen.  "Is there anything I can get you?"  He gestured with the bags.  "There's food if you're hungry.  Or I could get you some tea or coffee, perhaps?" 

“I’d actually like something stronger, Harry- that okay?”

Harry hesitated briefly.  He knew what a heavy drinker he was- and what Merlin thought of the habit, since the words _alcoholic_ and _high functioning_ were so often bandied about- and thus he also knew how little business he had judging Eggsy if he wanted a drink after a mission.  It was only that-

It was only that Eggsy usually avoided drinking when he was tired or angry or just in an _off_ mood.  Harry could tell Eggsy was in such a mood now, which was why he hadn’t offered in the first place.  He had learned to pick up those cues, and Eggsy normally seemed grateful for it.  In fact, the reason Harry had cut back so much on his own alcoholic consumption was because that seemed to make Eggsy more comfortable.  Eggsy’s personal history could be something of a minefield, and Harry generally took care walking around in it.  It made sense for a young man with a drunken brute of a stepfather to feel skittish around someone who was inebriated now, and though he did know from experience that Harry was mostly harmless under the influence, Harry still preferred for Eggsy not to see him like that.  He wouldn’t be joining AA anytime soon- but for Eggsy he could drink less, and whether Eggsy had noticed his efforts or not Harry was still proud of himself for making them. 

But this here… this was something new.  It was one thing for Harry to personally decide not to have a drink because Eggsy had issues with liquor.  It was something else entirely for him to decide that Eggsy couldn't have a drink because Eggsy had issues with liquor.  He wasn’t in the habit of being another persons’ good sense- he would be, as Merlin would surely tell anyone who asked, abysmal at it.

Again, it took Harry only a second to process, resolve, and move forward- but again it was a second that Eggsy noticed.  As Harry had half suspected he might, he looked braced for an argument.

“Of course,” Harry said easily, and Eggsy relaxed almost immediately.     

Harry went to the sideboard and poured two small glasses.  Then he crossed to Eggsy, handed him one of the glasses, and waited until Eggsy had taken it before he said, “You’ll stay the night?”  That way he could at least watch over Eggsy- make sure he was all right. 

Eggsy was silent for a moment, holding the glass between his hands.  Then he said, “Yeah.  Yeah, I will.”

Harry smiled.  “Good,” he said again.  He sat down on the couch next to the armchair, close enough to brush Eggsy’s knee.  “Cheers,” he said. 

Eggsy nodded and lifted his glass, clinking it against Harry’s.  “Cheers,” he agreed.   

He sat there and drank so quietly that Harry could almost have forgotten he was there.  Harry hadn’t lied before; he did understand what it was to simply not want to be alone, but he wasn’t used to behavior like this from Eggsy. 

He sipped his own drink, often enough to be companionable but still swallowing little.  He wanted to keep a clear head- just in case.

Harry was glad of that when Eggsy finally spoke- because he wasn’t making a great deal of sense.  “I've wished it sometimes."

"Wished what?" Harry asked when Eggsy didn't continue.

"That they wouldn't be around when I got back.  It's not just 'cos of the bruises that I stay at the manor so much.  I worry that I might scare them, if I flip out a little.  If I'm anything other than the model of- well.  You know."

Harry set his glass down and reached out, careful.  He wanted to touch Eggsy, to give him comfort that way, but he didn’t wish to be misinterpreted.  He didn’t expect anything of Eggsy- not ever but certainly not now.  He understood what Eggsy had been trying to tell him the night before he left better now.  He truly did know what it was to have demons he thought he had banished years ago creep back up on him, just as he knew what it was to believe that Kingsman did good- that _he_ did good- but also remember all the blood on his hands and wonder what sort of man it made him really.  He just couldn't find the words to articulate it.  He was exhausted.  Suddenly the energy to find the right words, to coax Eggsy to him, eluded him utterly.  So he simply reached out, fingers slipping across Eggsy’s cheek, and said again, “It’s all right not to want to be alone.”

Eggsy's eyes closed, and he leaned into Harry's touch, and Harry thought that maybe- just maybe- saying nothing in particular was the right course after all.  "No," Eggsy murmured.  “I don’t wanna be alone.”  He sounded like he was talking to himself more than Harry.

Harry kept very still, waiting at the ready for he-didn't-know-what.  He had neither the time nor the imagination to guess at what Eggsy might do next- but if he had guessed, it would never have been what Eggsy did do. 

He set his own glass down and reached for Harry, fingers tight against Harry's shirt front as he pulled him into a kiss. 

It took Harry a moment to figure even that much out.  It was a little like being trapped under fire; his mind picked up details with remarkable clarity- the smell of liquor and gun-smoke on Eggsy's breath, the rough-yet-soft pressure of his lips, the heat of his body- but in that sensational bombardment the whole picture eluded Harry.

He was aware of his own pulse hammering.  Aware of one hand curled into a fist in his lap while the other cradled Eggsy's head, fingertips slipping through silken hair.  Aware of someone- himself?  Eggsy?- groaning.

Eggsy lurched forward, sliding all but into Harry's lap.  His tongue flickered out across Harry's lips, asking for entrance.  Harry gave it thoughtlessly- he had been letting Eggsy into parts of himself he had once thought exceedingly well guarded for a long time, how could he deny it now?- and then one of Eggsy's hands uncurled from Harry's shirt front.  Harry felt calloused fingertips sliding over the back of his hand, loosening it, and lifting it from his lap.  Eggsy pushed Harry's hand up underneath his own suit jacket.  What he wanted, what he was asking for, was immediately obvious. 

_Touch me._

And Christ, but Harry wanted to.  He couldn’t think of anything he had ever wanted more.

For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine it.  How good Eggsy would feel under his hands, under his body.  He was so warm, all but trembling with anticipation and _more_ , and Harry could make him feel so good in return.

But... Harry wasn’t at all sure that ‘and more’ Eggsy was trembling with was entirely a good thing.  Just as he knew how it felt to not want to be alone after a mission, Harry knew how it felt to want to do anything, anything at all, to forget.  A part of Harry was tempted to give Eggsy that anything- to have Eggsy now and worry about the future when it came.  The rest of Harry...

He tightened his grip on Eggsy's hair and drew him back.  Eggsy was still hanging onto him, so he didn’t go far.  Eggsy’s breathing was hot and labored against his face.

“Eggsy-” he started. 

He hadn’t even managed to say anything yet, but whatever Eggsy heard in his voice made his eyes flash.  “It's what you want, isn’t it?”

“No,” Harry said quietly.  “No, it’s not.”  Surely he had made that clear by now.

Eggsy’s face contorted.

“You’re hurting,” Harry said.  “And you’re exhausted.  And you’ve been drinking.”  He was still close enough to share Eggsy's breath, close enough to rest his forehead against Eggsy's and nuzzle him gently.  Perhaps he was going to have to be Eggsy's good sense after all.  “Let me take you to bed.”

Eggsy whined softly, that wonderfully limber body of his rubbing up against Harry’s own.

“The spare bed."

Eggsy looked miserable.  Harry did his best to ignore it as he tugged Eggsy up the stairs. 

Eggsy was pliable enough by the time they reached the spare bedroom.  Harry knew what he was feeling from the many times he had returned from a mission to an empty house.  As the adrenaline faded it left an emptiness in its place, but also a restlessness.  A desperation to feel... something.  Anything.  But that in turn faded into exhaustion eventually, and- though still restless- he was usually able to sleep.

Eggsy was motionless as he stood before Harry, just a few feet from the bed.  Harry tried not to meet his eyes as he helped him out of his suit jacket, but sometimes Eggsy caught him anyway.  His gaze was _heavy_.  Harry discovered that his fingers were shaking as they jerked loose Eggsy's tie and then alighted on his shirt buttons. 

Harry realized that he was in trouble.  Eggsy was so close, and he seemed to radiate heat.  Undressing Eggsy in this state would be no easy thing, that was clear as Harry popped his topmost button.  A test of Harry's control, then- perhaps the ultimate test of his control- to have what he wanted so gorgeously on display and not take it even though Eggsy was obviously intent on giving.

Harry undid another button. 

He thought about how simple it had seemed, not so long ago, to imagine that if Eggsy invited it he would take him to bed and damn the consequences.  Harry undid another button, and another.  He had been so sure he could convince Eggsy with his body if he had failed to do so with his words.  He had been so sure that even if Eggsy remained doubtful after he would still get another chance.

Once Eggsy's shirt was unbuttoned Harry pushed it jerkily from Eggsy’s shoulders.  He was so lovely- slender and toned and yet just slightly soft in all the best places.  Harry tried not to savor the heat of him too much as he maneuvered him backward and sat him down on the foot of the bed. 

“Let me clean you up a bit,” Harry said.  His voice was so ragged that he hardly recognized it.  He backed away from Eggsy, feeling like a coward and a fool at once as he headed for the bathroom.  There he fetched a washcloth and wetted it at the sink, eyes catching his own in the mirror.  He looked as hollowed out as Eggsy did.  

When he returned, Eggsy was right where he'd left him.

Harry sat down by his side and reached out with the cloth.  Eggsy's skin was feverishly warm.  Harry tried to touch him as little as possible as he cleaned up around his hairline, neck and back. 

"Down," he said softly.

Eggsy lay back on the bed.  Harry bent over him and passed the cloth underneath his arms and down his chest.  He tried not to take too much pleasure in the way Eggsy’s eyes drifted shut and his mouth hung slack. 

Harry’s own mouth was dry by the time he finished with Eggsy’s torso.  He felt he was being tested indeed as his eyes slid down the sparse trail of hair leading from the flat plane of Eggsy’s stomach to his waistband and resisted the urge to touch him there.  Harry slid Eggsy’s belt free and found the fastenings of his trousers, and then he realized that the test had only just begun.

Harry tried not to look as he coaxed Eggsy’s hips up and stripped his trousers off- but there was no mistaking what his fingers slipped over.  Eggsy was already half hard- and it would be so easy, Harry knew, to bring him to full hardness.  Harry could see it in his mind- almost feel it in his itching palm- how it would be.  To lean over Eggsy now, to bring him off with just his hand, to make him come and take nothing for himself.  But he would be taking something for himself; he would be _stealing_ something.  Oh, Eggsy had asked for this and very possibly he would appreciate it, but he had refused Harry in principle already.  As promising as that kiss a week and a half ago had been, it would be wrong to take Eggsy's behavior tonight as real permission. 

Harry didn’t touch him.  “Come,” he said instead, pulling back the covers.  Eggsy could clean up further in the morning. 

“I’m not a kid,” Eggsy muttered resentfully.  “Don’t need you to tuck me in.”

“Don’t act like a child and I won't,” Harry replied.  He regretted the words almost immediately.  For all the resentful expression on Eggsy’s face brought his little sister at her worst to Harry’s mind, he knew Eggsy was anything but a child.  He had just spent more than a week doing the job Harry had pulled him into, and doing it well.  He was young, but he was no child.  "I'm sorry.  That was uncalled for."

Eggsy was still scowling, but he was also still exhausted, so he wriggled underneath the covers as instructed. 

Harry settled at the side of the bed.  He couldn’t help reaching out, letting his fingers run through Eggsy’s hair and stroke across his forehead.  “You're going to feel better in the morning, my Eggsy.  I promise.”

Eggsy’s lips pressed together tightly and trembled faintly.  “Am I?”

“Yes," Harry said, still touching Eggsy's forehead gently.  "I believe you will.”

Eggsy shook his head.  "Not what I meant."  Now that he was lying back that way he looked even more tired- and yes, so frightfully young.  "Am I yours?"

Harry shut his eyes.  "If you would like to be.”

Eggsy’s fingers found Harry’s wrist and held on as he tried to stand.  “Then stay.”

“Eggsy…” Harry sighed.

Eggsy's grip tightened.  "At least until I fall asleep, okay?”  Cutting through the exhaustion in his voice was a stubborn, petulant note that made Harry wonder if Eggsy really was trying to torture him.  For refusing just now.  For starting all this in the first place.  But Harry heard a vulnerability there too- as if he still just didn’t want to be left alone.

Harry let out a long breath.  “Scoot over,” he said at last. 

Eggsy scooted obediently.

Harry stretched out beside him on the bed, laying on top of the covers.  “All right?” he asked, glancing over at Eggsy.  His face was half obscured by the neighboring pillow, but the spray of his eyelashes against his cheek as his eyes drifted shut was... remarkably beautiful.

Eggsy nodded, and Harry listened as his breathing slowly evened out into sleep. 

He lay there for a long time even after, just listening. 

*   *   *

Once Harry had laid out clothes for Eggsy to wear in the morning and finally gone to his own bed, he slept badly- worse, in fact, than he had slept in a very long time.

Every creak Harry heard jolted him out of what agitated sleep he had managed to attain.  He thought each was Eggsy leaving, too angry at Harry for what he had done or not done to stay the whole night, or Eggsy tossing and turning, as restless as Harry despite his obvious exhaustion, or Eggsy touching himself, with Harry in his mind and on his lips but not in bed with him where he belonged. 

In the morning Harry spent a long time just staring up at the ceiling.  He wondered if he hadn’t been fooling himself all this time, trying to win Eggsy.  Making himself believe that he- of all people- could actually make that boy happy.  He had had his doubts before, of course- but this was... so much worse. 

He performed his usual ablutions on autopilot as the night replayed over and over in his mind.  The drinking, the stilted conversion, the kiss.  Eggsy’s fingers curled into fists against his chest.  Eggsy taking hold of his hand and pressing it against his own body.   The images wouldn't leave Harry alone.  Not so long ago, it had seemed so simple- to imagine making Eggsy feel good.  To fantasize about having the chance to make his case with kisses and caresses instead of words.  Having now turned Eggsy down, it was all so different- because Harry had learned something he could not unlearn. 

That this courtship might well have failed already, because Harry could wait for a thousand years for Eggsy to say yes and it wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t sure he could trust him when he finally did.  Eggsy's abrupt departure had put a crack in Harry's faith that he could, and now that crack was a gaping chasm. 

Harry was in the kitchen, halfway through preparing breakfast, when he finally heard Eggsy moving around. 

He was almost finished when Eggsy, freshly showered, came down the stairs.  Harry focused on what he was doing, listening as the padding of Eggsy’s feet slowed and then stopped altogether for a moment before he finally entered the kitchen.   

“Good morning,” Harry said, turning around. 

Eggsy looked even younger than usual in his borrowed clothes. Harry's trousers were cuffed around his ankles, and Harry's shirt was rolled up at the sleeves.  It fit tightly at Eggsy's waist but loosely around his shoulders.  He was so lovely that Harry had to look away.  And the expression on his face... It was branded on the inside of Harry's eyelids.  He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Eggsy looking worse, not even that day when Harry brought him here after the final test. 

"Sit down,” Harry said, pouring him a cup of coffee.  “Breakfast’s almost ready." 

Eggsy nodded jerkily and sat as requested.  He took the cup and held it but didn’t drink, fiddling with the cuff on his sleeve with his free hand for a while before he said, “I’m so sorry about-”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Harry told him. 

Eggsy shook his head.  “No, no, I do.  Last night, I-” he bit his lip- “Last night I guess I just really needed to feel connected to- to someone-”

“Which is understandable.”

“Yeah, but that don’t make it okay.  You didn’t deserve that, and I’m really sorry.”

Harry nodded awkwardly.  Perhaps he wasn’t as good at accepting apologies as he had thought, because Eggsy was right.  Harry didn’t blame him for how he behaved, of course.  Harry had made his share of mistakes after a difficult mission or a few drinks- Eggsy knew that much from personal experience- and Lord knew Harry understood that need for a connection- but there were still things it wasn’t fair to ask of Harry, feeling the way he did, and last night Eggsy had asked one of them.  “Apology accepted,” he said at last. 

Eggsy nodded and finally took a drink.  Harry supposed that was that, and he had just gone back to cooking when Eggsy blurted, “I didn’t think I was gonna be gone so long.”

Harry glanced his way.  “So Merlin said.”

“I mean...”  Eggsy seemed to consider his next words with care.  “I mean that I didn’t want you to think that I...”

“That you were running away from me?”

“Yeah.”

Harry shrugged.  He couldn’t deny that he had gotten that impression.  The kiss had given him so much hope; to go in to work the very next day and find that Eggsy had gone and could well be away for weeks... it had certainly stung. 

Judging from Eggsy's expression, he knew it too.  "I needed some time to think, that's all.  And when I heard Percival was looking for someone to take his place, I just-"

"I do understand," Harry said.  "Really."  He could feel hurt and understand at the same time.  "I wish you had talked to me, though.  I could have-"

"I know," Eggsy said.  "But if I'd talked to you, I would've had to tell you what I wanted.  And I just... I didn't know."

"Do you know now?" Harry asked slowly.  He was wary of the subject after the night before, but he had to ask.

"Maybe?" Eggsy said.  "I'm still..."

Harry bent his head.  "Yes."  He thought about all his worries, all the times he had wondered if he should just let this go.  Perhaps now was the time.  Perhaps Eggsy would never be more sure.  Perhaps Harry was just hurting both of them by waiting.

Suddenly he felt Eggsy's fingertips, warmed by the cup, trailing over the back of his hand.  "I'm still figuring some things out.  But I'm trying to talk to you now, okay?"

Harry made himself look up.  And Eggsy's eyes were so... full.  "Then talk," he managed.

"I was out there," Eggsy said, "alone in this stupid shack waiting for Percival's contact to show up.  And I kept thinking about seeing you again, about how I had to make sure I hadn't messed up too badly.  And I kept imagining..."  He wrapped his fingers tightly around Harry's, his eyes flickering down to their joined hands.  "I kept imagining us five years on, when this whole thing would seem so silly and we'd laugh about it over dinner."  His grip tightened further and he met Harry's eyes again.  "Do you see?  I was imagining _us_ and it was... nice, you know?  And when I finally got back last night I felt like shit, but I wanted so much to tell you that.  And I know I fucked up it, but...”

Harry squeezed Eggsy’s hand once before letting him go and turning back to the stove.  “Thank you,” he said.  It was easier to say that without looking at Eggsy, because he felt far too much to do that and admit it at the same time.  “Thank you for telling me.”

Even if this thing between them would never be more than it was, that was worth something to Harry- but also it meant that, just maybe, he needn't give up yet after all.

He collected Eggsy’s breakfast together on a plate.  By the time he turned back, Eggsy was looking down at the wood grain on his counter.  “Things are different now,” Eggsy murmured. 

Harry didn’t think the words were for him, so he didn’t address them.  He simply pushed the plate of food towards Eggsy.

Eggsy gave him a wan smile, and started eating.

Harry smiled back. 

*   *   *

And Eggsy was right; things were different.  There was a kind of softness in his manner with Harry after that that Harry had never seen before, and Eggsy had always struck him as a little bit soft.  Harry didn't mean that like weak or naïve- just... capable of more gentleness than Harry would have expected from a boy like Eggsy.  But of course, this was the boy who said _like in My Fair Lady._   The boy who spent hours at his side during that coma, out of simple affection for him. 

Harry thought it safe to conclude that there were no boys like Eggsy.  Not really.     

And now there was that something even softer- in his eyes when he looked at Harry, in his muscles when Harry laid a hand on his arm or his back or his shoulder, in his touch when he reached out to Harry in return.  Not as if he had been hard or brittle all this while, but as if a part of him that had been held always stiff and apart was now, finally, relaxed.

Harry tread carefully, still.  Even knowing that something had changed and almost certainly for the better, he was shy of pressing his case after everything that had happened between them. 

But he had asked Eggsy to his home for dinner, and Eggsy had accepted him.  And after, they sat together on the couch and watched TV.

"This is nice,” Eggsy said.  He was curled in on himself, feet on the couch.  He had his head on Harry’s shoulder and his knees tucked up against Harry’s side.

“Yes,” Harry murmured, the words a soft kiss against the top of Eggsy’s head.  “Yes, it is.”  In fact, if Harry had been an outside observer, someone watching the two of them together through the window, perhaps, he would have thought that they were already dating.  If he had known a quiet night in was all it took to get Eggsy this close, he would have done it long since.

This was an idle thought only- Harry knew that everything which had passed between them- good and bad- had paved the way to this moment.  And so there was nothing- good or bad- Harry had done in that time that he would not willingly do again.

Harry considered his next move carefully.  He doubted he would ever get a better moment to try his luck with Eggsy than right now- and yet... The last thing he wanted was to spoil such a perfect night by making Eggsy refuse him again.  Perhaps he should let it lie. 

But God- how could Eggsy sit with him like this and not want more?  Not want Harry to lean in and give him a kiss, and then a thousand kisses?  Not want to go upstairs together and make love?  Not want to wake up with Harry at his side?  Not want to go in to work together, do their jobs, and then go home to do it all over again?

“Have you given any more thought to...”  Harry took a breath, straightened up a little, and turned off the television.  “Have you given any more thought to us?”

Eggsy was quiet for a long time.  _Too long_ , Harry caught himself thinking.  Was it too long?  When he finally spoke, he just said, “Harry...”  And Harry could hear it in his voice.  He was going to do it again, argue that a romance between them was a bad idea again.  

Harry waited for the surge of apprehension that typically went through him in such moments, but it never came.  He felt good.  He felt hopeful.  Tonight had been everything he could have hoped for, everything he had wanted from the start.  With all the reasons that he still believed this was right so fresh in his mind, Harry was sure that if he could ever make Eggsy believe it too, it would be now.  He readied himself for the next volley.  “Yes?”

“Don’t you ever think…”  Eggsy trailed off, biting his lip.  “Don’t you ever worry that this might not last?  That _I_ might not be able to... Well, you know what you’re getting into so much better than I do."

"Do I?"

Eggsy shrugged.  "I don't- I don’t know much about how good relationships work.  I don’t know _anything_ about how good relationships work.  But..." He swallowed. "It fucked me up when I thought you died and I can't- I can't lose you."

"You won't," Harry said.  

"But if I can't give you forever, or even just as close to it as we can get, that's losing you.  And what if I can't?  What if I mess it all up?”  He gave an airy laugh.  “I do, most things.”    

For a moment, Harry just looked at Eggsy.  There was something... fragile in his expression, something that made Harry wonder if this hadn’t always been at the very core of his doubts, wonder if the last few weeks might have been avoided altogether if Eggsy had only led with it.  He still couldn’t bring himself to regret it all, regardless.  He had learned so much about Eggsy, and about himself.  He had been sure in the beginning that they would be good together- how could he be sorry to have discovered all this _proof_?  He wasn’t, but he was also glad that they had finally arrived at _this_. 

Because of course Eggsy had this deep-seated notion that anything he allowed himself to value would be taken away again eventually.  Eggsy's stepfather had been small-time, but Harry had known many men like that through his work at Kingsman.  Giving gifts and benedictions only to snatch them back at the smallest provocation was practically in the job description.  And Eggsy had already had to give up his gymnastics career, and the marines.  There was a time when the only good things to come his way were Kingsman and Harry, and he had almost lost both once already. 

“You’re right,” Harry said.

“I am?”  Eggsy looked... crestfallen was the word.  As though he no longer wanted Harry to agree that this was a bad idea and let it go, if indeed he ever had.  Looking at him, Harry knew how right he had been just now- and he knew absolutely that there could be no turning back.

He had no wish to.  “Yes,” he said.  “I do wonder if it will last.  Not often, but... I do.” 

Harry reached out, slow, giving Eggsy all the time in the world to avoid his touch- but when Harry brushed his fingertips across Eggsy's cheek and jaw he only leaned into him. 

“Everyone does, Eggsy.  Certainly we all hope for the best.  Blissful happiness and ‘til death do us part and so forth.  But all of us wonder if one day an argument will be too big, a gap will be too wide... if we’ll simply turn over one morning and realize we made a terrible mistake.  But we also like to think it’s worth it.  That when you meet someone who makes you happy, and you want to go through life at their side, it’s worth the arguments and the gaps and bad mornings.  It’s worth trying.  And that’s how I feel about you.  Even before I realized I was in love with you, that was how I felt about you.  But if...”  Harry swallowed heavily, because this was going to be the hard part, “if you really don’t feel that way about me- if I really don’t make you-”       

“You _do_.”   Eggsy sat up sharply, practically knocking his head against Harry’s he was suddenly so close.  “Oh, God, you do.  It’s _me_.  You deserve everything.  You deserve somebody who can give as much to you as you give to them.  You deserve somebody who can jump right in, no doubts, no questions, no making you wait.”   

“I want _you_ ,” Harry said- quiet, slow, earnest.

Far too much happened in Eggsy’s eyes for Harry to properly catalogue it all- but instead of protesting again he kissed Harry, so Harry suspected he had gotten through.  It was a quick kiss, almost chaste- and yet it was sweeter than any of the kisses they had shared before because Eggsy had started it, and he wasn’t impaired, and Harry wasn’t impaired, and it was just a kiss that said everything words couldn't in that moment. 

When he could speak again, Harry said, “And while I confess that I would dearly like not to wait any longer, I am entirely happy to go through your argument point by point.”

Eggsy made a quiet noise and kissed him again- softer this time, but also wetter. 

Harry pressed Eggsy back onto the couch, leaning over him and against him, and stroking across his forehead gently.  There was such a look of awe on Eggsy’s face- as if he had only just realized that Harry wasn’t going anywhere, that it was going to take a lot more than Eggsy being a bit difficult to drive him away.  And that was Eggsy’s core problem, wasn’t it?  “When you say you don’t know anything about good relationships, do you mean from your mother’s example or your own?”

Eggsy gave a shrug and a bittersweet smile.  “Bit of both, I guess.  I hardly remember my dad- but I do remember... I remember how much losing him fucked her up.  And that was the best case scenario, right?  And Dean was... Dean was fun, at first.  And I know relationships take work and that’s normal.  You get in arguments, you make compromises, you make _mistakes_.  That’s how it’s gotta be.  But when I think about it taking work, I think about... I think about him.  About how she stayed with _him_.  And I don't blame her for it.  I get that she didn't have a lot of choices.  I just...”

“I understand,” Harry said quietly.  He really did.  Hadn't he just been thinking about how many of Eggsy's issues could be traced back to Dean Baker?  It didn't matter how well Eggsy knew- intellectually- that how Dean had treated him and his mother wasn't right.  It had still left scars, and it had still sabotaged Eggsy in the past.  Harry didn't know what he could do about that- he didn’t know if he could do anything but wait for time to teach Eggsy the difference between the little annoyances that two people who felt strongly about each other inevitably blew out of proportion, and what had happened in the house he grew up in.  But Harry would do everything he could. 

"I guess maybe I kinda got used to letting go easy."  Eggsy swallowed.  "But... they all wanted to go."

Eggsy’s cheeks were faintly pink.  He was embarrassed to talk about previous liaisons with Harry here, like this.  Harry kissed that blush.  "I'm sorry for it," he said.  “Or I would be, if it didn’t mean you could be mine instead.” 

Eggsy snorted. 

Harry ran light fingers through his hair.  “I’m willing to bet that most of your issues with those others came from you putting either your family or your job first.”  He knew how attentive and loving Eggsy could be when he had a choice; those were the only two areas in which he didn’t.  Broken dates spent watching Daisy or holding his mother’s hand into the night.  Missed calls and birthdays while he was out of the country.  “I would hope that I have proved myself already where the former is concerned.  As to the latter…”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said with a laugh.  “Yeah, you’re right there with me.”

“And as for this idea you have that needing to make an effort is a bad thing...”

“It’s different with you,” Eggsy said quickly, his eyes alight.  “Harry, it’s always been different with you.”  

“I’m glad,” Harry said, stroking Eggsy’s forehead gently.  Eggsy’s smile was shy, and terribly sweet.  “You should know that...” Harry considered his words.  “If you think that I have some vast wealth of experience beyond your own, you’re mistaken.”

Eggsy blinked.  “I kinda thought-” he was obviously considering his words just as carefully- “you’d- you know- been around.”

Harry laughed.  “I have, I confess.  But if you’re imagining marriages or long term partnerships in my background, no.”

Eggsy’s expression was complicated.  “I guess I kinda liked the thought that you had somebody who loved you.  You know.  Before.” 

“I assure you, I did not feel the lack until you came along.”  It was the closest Harry had come to suggesting aloud that it had hurt him to think Eggsy might never return his feelings or want to be with him.  He didn’t mean it as a reproach, but he could see Eggsy thinking of taking it as one.  He continued quickly, “Most of my… relationships hardly qualify as such.  They were usually about release and little more.  It was never serious.”  Harry rubbed his nose against Eggsy’s and smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead.  “I assure you-” another kiss- “I have dated you for the longest I have dated anyone.”  Another kiss.  “And you haven’t even properly agreed to go out with me yet.”

Eggsy laughed.  “I do, though.”

Harry went still, his fingers in Eggsy’s hair, his lips on Eggsy’s hairline.  “You'll go out with me?”

“Yes.”

“I win?”

“Now you’re spoiling it,” Eggsy said, but his eyes were dancing and he captured Harry’s lips in a tender kiss.

“I was building up to something,” Harry said between more kisses.  He couldn’t seem to stop kissing Eggsy.  He had known that Eggsy was close to agreeing, but even so it felt too easy, unreal.  Like Eggsy might change his mind again at any moment.  Harry didn’t think he would, not logically- and next to that seed of fear Harry could feel so much joy blooming.  This was simply fragile- Harry wasn’t sure how to not to shatter it.  “What do I do with it now?”

“The thing you were building up to?”

“Yes.”

“Well.  You could say it anyway.”  Eggsy sounded quite magnanimous. 

Harry snorted.  “All right.  It’s only that if an old dog like me can learn a new trick, so can you.  You might surprise yourself with just how good at this you’ll be.”  Eggsy was so loyal, so giving, so courageous- yes, he would be very good at this indeed if he let himself try, if he let himself fight instead of accepting that losing was only natural, only right.  “I like to think I’ll surprise you.”

“You always do,” Eggsy said, with such awe and affection in his eyes. 

Harry kissed him again, enjoying how eagerly- how automatically- Eggsy returned his kisses now.

“But you ain’t old, Harry,” Eggsy said after a while. 

“I think you’ll find I am,” Harry replied, needing a moment to remember where those words had even come from.  _Ah, yes._ Old dog, new tricks. 

Eggsy looked surprised, perhaps at the tone of warning in Harry’s voice.  “You trying to talk me out of this?  After everything?”  He was teasing, but there was a note of something _else_ in his voice- as if he was afraid that Harry really would change his mind, think better of all this.

“Oh no, dear boy,” Harry said.  “Believe me- now that I have you, I intend to do everything in my power to keep you.”

“Good,” Eggsy said softly.

“I simply…”  Harry chose his words carefully.  “I simply need you to understand that I am old, and I won’t be getting younger.  In case Merlin hasn’t yet told you, I occasionally find a grey hair and completely lose my wits over it.  I get inexplicable aches and pains.  I know that, and I... I know time passes.  I know things change and not always for the better.  But I want to spend every moment I can with you, give every moment I can to you.  And that’s worth a little uncertainty, especially for people in our profession.  It was you, I think, who said, 'I know we’re not gonna die, but what if we die?'”

Eggsy’s eyes were shining with unshed tears- happy ones, Harry hoped- but as Harry finished he laughed out loud.  “Did you really just bring out the old ‘we could die tomorrow’ argument?”

“It’s a good one.”

Eggsy kept laughing.  “But after I already said yes?”  His smile softened and he lifted a hand, touching Harry’s face.  “I said yes.”

“Say it again.”

“Yes.” 

Harry kissed him again, deeper than ever before, lapping at his mouth and savoring the long, wet slide of his tongue.  “Again,” he said when he pulled away, enjoying the sight of Eggsy’s lips- all slick and pink and shining.

“Yes,” Eggsy obediently said.  He tugged Harry into another kiss and- while they were still kissing- rolled them over on the couch so he could straddle Harry’s hips, fingers playing along Harry’s jaw and into his hair as he cradled Harry’s head in both hands. 

Harry let him, of course.  This was one battle he was more than happy to lose.  He let his arms go around Eggsy's waist as they kissed.  He had finally run out of arguments and he let his touch speak for him.

Eggsy's breathing was shallow when he finally broke the kiss.  He nuzzled Harry's jaw and cuddled up to his chest.  "I’m gonna keep you too, Harry,” he said, quietly.  Solemnly.  “I fucking swear.” 

Harry wasn't sure there was anything in the world that could make him happier than simply being able to hold Eggsy like this- not that he wasn't a trifle offended when Eggsy yawned.  "Am I boring you?” he asked archly.

Eggsy looked concerned for a fraction of a second before he realized Harry was teasing him.  He flushed a faint pink all the same.  “Just tired, that’s all.”

Harry let out a breath.  He was half hard- he had been since before Eggsy even said yes- but after everything he could wait for a bit longer.  He had waited this long.  “Perhaps we should go to bed,” he said.  It wasn't too much to hope for, he thought, that Eggsy might at least stay over that night.

“Yeah,” Eggsy agreed.  His flush deepened a little.  “Do you think I could maybe-”

“Yes?”

“Sleep in your bed?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Okay,” Eggsy said, biting his lip. 

There were so many things Eggsy did that Harry didn’t think he would ever see enough of- but the way Eggsy looked surprised by all Harry would give him... Harry wouldn’t be sorry to see the last of that. 

He wondered if he should be this amazed by how easy it was, going upstairs with Eggsy, brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas all with another person beside him.  A person who smiled at him in the mirror and caught a glimpse of bare skin with heated eyes.  On the one hand, what Harry had told Eggsy earlier was true; he had little familiarity with domestic life.  On the other hand, this was Eggsy.  Eggsy who he had fallen into step with so well as a partner.  They anticipated each other so smoothly, and Eggsy, well- Eggsy seemed to see it, seemed to smile a shy and private smile as he fully realized what Harry had always known: that this could be such a good thing if he let it.

They were both silent until they climbed into the bed- or, no, not silent, for there had been quiet laughter, soft sighs as they brushed hands and hips and elbows, and hums of agreement to things that had gone unsaid.  Not silent, merely wordless.  Harry had shared a sleeping bag and body heat with Eggsy a few times before, but this was so different.  It was... strange to lie down in his own bed next to Eggsy, strange to do so without having done much more than kiss him, but full in the knowledge that he would soon.  Strange, but good. 

Eggsy said, “I kick in my sleep sometimes.”

“I know,” Harry replied.  Eggsy had lashed out at him in sleep before, but Harry woke easily and he was fast.  He had hoped, a little, that Eggsy's restlessness those times was due to being in the field, but it hadn’t been a problem before.  It was a small price to pay for Eggsy beside him now. 

“Oh,” Eggsy whispered.  That look of awe was back.  It was like he was still discovering what was between them, the wonder of letting someone who knew him so well- and loved him so well- in.  Harry wondered how many of the people Eggsy had been with before had left him over just this.  This thing Harry had accepted and learned to work around before he even realized he was in love with Eggsy.

Harry kissed him softly.  “Goodnight,” he said.

“Goodnight,” Eggsy agreed as Harry reached up to turn out the light. 

At around three in the morning, Eggsy did kick him.  He woke to Harry half-way out of the bed and it was a moment before the fog cleared enough for him to apologize.

“Not your fault,” Harry said.  He lay down again and flung his arm out across Eggsy’s chest.  “You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

“No,” Eggsy said, and Harry might have been mistaken, but he thought he heard what sounded like certainty in Eggsy’s voice at last. 

*   *   *

The next time Harry woke, it was morning.  Sunlight was streaming in through the gaps in the curtain, and someone was using the shower.  Harry had less than a second of confusion before he remembered: Eggsy. 

He smiled against the pillow and let himself doze. 

Eggsy wasn’t in the shower for long.  When he came out, Harry watched him through half-open eyes.  Beads of water shone in his hair, along his shoulders, and down his chest.  He had a towel wrapped around his waist.  It hung a little low, just hinting at the place where the sparse hair down his stomach thickened and grew coarse.  “Hey,” he said, clearly feeling Harry’s gaze on him.  “Sorry if I woke you.  You don't mind me using the shower, right?"

Harry gave a grunt he hoped Eggsy would take to mean that he didn’t mind at all.  He wanted Eggsy to make himself as much at home as possible.  

Eggsy’s lips ticked upward.  “You're not a morning person, are you?”

Harry gave another grunt, this one of assent.  He rolled over onto his back and regarded Eggsy.  “And you _are_ ,” he said reproachfully.  “Let’s call the whole thing off.”  Eggsy went still, and Harry wondered if it wasn't too early for jokes like that.  He licked dry lips, trying to think of something comforting to say.

Eggsy’s eyes heated as he followed Harry’s tongue.  _Oh_.  Eggsy said, “You got no idea, do you?”

“Of what?” Harry asked, sitting up a little.

“How amazing you look right now.  All... soft.”  Eggsy’s eyes darted over Harry- his rumpled hair, his undignified sprawl, his sleepy expression- as if he couldn’t get enough of it.    

Harry sat up a little more.  “Come here, then,” he said. 

Eggsy obeyed with alacrity.  He stopped at the edge of the bed and leaned down to take Harry's face in both hands, hauling him up to meet his lips.  His fingers tangled immediately into Harry's hair, and his mouth was hot and minty.  It was this last which made Harry realize that his own must have been decidedly not.  Eggsy had probably used his spare toothbrush. 

When Eggsy broke the kiss Harry said, “Forgive me.  I really ought to-”

At the same time, Eggsy said, “I really don’t care,” and dragged Harry into another kiss.  And how could Harry say no to a thing like _that_?  Between kisses Eggsy murmured, “Mind if I-”

Harry had no idea what he was asking, but he said, “Anything.”

Eggsy laughed softly, a warm huff of breath across Harry’s lips, and suddenly there was a lot more light.  Harry squinted out of the corner of his eye.  He saw one of Eggsy’s hands stretched out toward the drapes, drawn open to let more of the morning light in.  “Wanna see you better,” Eggsy said.

And Harry wanted to see Eggsy too- and Eggsy looked... beyond beautiful.  The pale light shone on the droplets of water scattered across his skin and Harry bent, lapping a little of that water up.  Eggsy tasted clean, and sweet.  Harry kissed his chest reverently and nosed down.

“Oh,” Eggsy murmured, his fingers carding lightly through Harry’s hair. 

Harry pressed his face into Eggsy’s stomach.  His skin was so warm, and the hint of soft vulnerability just there was so lovely.  Harry would never get enough of finally being allowed to touch him.

“God, Harry,” Eggsy said, grip tightening.  “What d’you see in me?”  The words came out a sigh.  

Harry retreated a little, sitting back on his haunches to look up at Eggsy’s face.  He was tempted to tease him, to wonder aloud just how clouded the mirror must have been for Eggsy to draw that conclusion after passing it just now- but there was something raw in Eggsy’s voice that stopped his mouth.  “I see the boy I love,” Harry replied.  “Even when you’re being difficult.”

Eggsy laughed softly.  “Dunno what I did to deserve that.”

Harry swallowed.  “I have been endeavoring to show you,” he said.  He hadn’t seen it that way- because Eggsy had never put it to him in those terms before- but every doubt Eggsy had expressed about their relationship had been in Harry's mind too at one point or another, and yet from the moment Eggsy had given him permission to try Harry had never let himself falter for long.  Harry didn't know how Eggsy could have gone through all that with him without knowing _why_.  Without knowing how kind and brave and wonderful he was.  Without knowing that however much Harry might have changed his life, he had changed Harry’s every bit as much. 

“Oh,” Eggsy said again.  Then, “I guess maybe I knew that already.  Deep down.”

Harry hesitated, watching Eggsy carefully.  “And did you perhaps- deep down- wonder about it?  Did you-”

Eggsy bit his lip.  “You mean did I push you away from the beginning because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you?”

Harry would never have put it that way, of course.  It was difficult for him to come around to that way of thinking, because he had always believed he was proving _himself_.  But that was what Eggsy’s words just now had made him wonder, so- “Yes.  I suppose that is what I mean.”

“No,” Eggsy said.  “I really did have doubts, okay?  I never lied to you.  But deep down... yeah.  Maybe.  Maybe I was thinking it was better not to try than to watch you realize that I’m not... I’m not worth all this.”

“Yes, you are,” Harry said firmly.  His hands were still on Eggsy's hips, and his fingertips dug into the towel and Eggsy’s skin.  “You _are_.  You believe that now, don’t you?”

"I... dunno."  Eggsy let out a breath.  "I'm sorry," he whispered.  He didn't sound too pained, though, just... gentle.  "I'm sorry you have to go over and over it with me.  You must get tired of it."

"I'm not tired of it," Harry said.  “I can’t tell you absolutely that there will never come a time when I get... impatient."  He stroked a gentle hand across Eggsy's stomach.  Eggsy shuddered.  "But I like to think that you’ll trust me- or trust my love, rather, I know you trust me- long before that happens.  And for the time being, I can honestly say that no- I'm not tired of it.  And I will never be tired of you."  

Harry did sometimes wonder if Eggsy would grow tired of _him_ , did sometimes think that even in the best possible scenario- the one where they got spend the rest of his life together- he might one day be little more than a burden on Eggsy.  But he refused to let that possible tomorrow rob him of today.  His life was filled with so much uncertainty- but how he felt about Eggsy was beyond certain.  It was his rock.  

He wished Eggsy could learn to take that view.  On impulse he leaned in again and kissed Eggsy's stomach.  "I am, after all, really very good at this convincing thing.” 

He glanced up and found Eggsy looking down at him with slack lips and dark eyes.  "And you wouldn't have done all that if I wasn't worth it, would you?"

Harry thought about that.  More than anything, he wanted Eggsy to truly know his own worth.  Know that regardless of how much he meant to Harry, even if he meant _everything_ to Harry, he deserved all that Harry could give him and more.  Harry would show him that, even if it took the rest of his life, if Eggsy would let him- and he was going to let him.  That was enough for now.  He kissed Eggsy's stomach again and nuzzled his hip, arms going around his waist.  "I like to think I'm an intelligent man.  So no- I suppose I wouldn’t.”

Eggsy’s smile was so sweet, and tinged with such hunger.  “No?”

“No."  It was difficult, from this close, for Harry not to finally notice the effect his proximity was having on Eggsy.  He nudged down a little and let his cheek rest there.  The towel was soft against his face, and underneath it Eggsy was hard.  Harry moved a little more, rubbing faintly. 

Eggsy’s breath hitched. 

“But if you have any more doubts we need to discuss, by all means bring them to my attention.”  Harry flicked his eyes back up to Eggsy’s face and-slowly- nuzzled his cock. 

“I’m good,” Eggsy said- and did his voice sound unusually rough?

“Are you quite sure?  Because I am more than willing to put every last one of them to rest.  Even if it takes...”  He kissed Eggsy through the towel.  “Hours.” 

“Uh-uh,” Eggsy said- and yes, his voice was rough, rougher than Harry thought he had ever heard it before.  “No more doubts.”

“Excellent." 

Harry backed off and sat up on his haunches, still holding Eggsy's eyes and hips as his fingers curled around the place where the towel was knotted at Eggsy's waist.  As he gave a sharp tug, Eggsy's breath caught faintly.  The towel came loose, and Harry let it fall.  He didn't see where it landed; he had much more interesting things to look at. 

Eggsy's cock was flushed and shining at the tip as it sprang up, freed from its constraints. 

"All right?" Harry asked as he took Eggsy in hand. 

“Fuck,” Eggsy breathed. 

Harry decided to take that as a _yes_.  For a while he just enjoyed the weight and heat of the cock in his hand, enjoyed how Eggsy pulsed within the circle of his fingers as he worked them up and down.

“Feels so good, Harry,” Eggsy murmured.

Harry was glad, certainly, but he couldn’t help smirking a little.  Just his hand felt _so_ good, did it?  Eggsy hadn’t seen- or rather _felt_ \- anything yet.  Harry had waited far too long not to show off for Eggsy now. 

He scooted back enough to comfortably bend down and take Eggsy's cockhead into his mouth, stroking his shaft all the while.  He liked the shape of Eggsy on his tongue, the taste of him thick on his palate.  He worked Eggsy's slit for a moment, then flattened his tongue along the underside and sucked, humming happily when it had an immediate effect.

Eggsy’s head canted back rapturously and he groaned.  _Beautiful_.  

Harry backed off a little, enjoying the picture Eggsy made naked- chest still shimmering faintly with water, legs parted, cock flushed and hard.  “Lovely,” Harry said, and reapplied himself, suckling at Eggsy’s tip and jacking him a few times.  He let his arms go back around Eggsy's waist and slowly nosed forward, swallowing around Eggsy- and his own gag reflex- as Eggsy’s cock settled into his throat.  He loved the way having Eggsy there choked off his other senses, and he lingered until the need for oxygen drove him back.

He was panting by then, and he kissed and licked at the length of Eggsy’s cock sloppily, wanting to be sure no part of Eggsy went unenjoyed. 

Then he flicked his eyes back toward Eggsy’s face.  Eggsy’s head was forward again and he was looking down at Harry with a rapturous expression.  Harry kissed Eggsy’s cockhead again, slow, and with all the energy he would kiss Eggsy's lips with if he could tear himself away for long enough to do it.

As if he had read that very thought, Eggsy swore under his breath and grabbed Harry by the shoulders, pulling him up and into a kiss.  Harry kissed him back fiercely, wondering- as Eggsy trembled faintly against him- if Eggsy could taste himself on Harry’s tongue. 

 _Probably yes_ , he thought as Eggsy made a strangled noise and pushed him back onto the bed.  Eggsy followed only a moment later, straddling Harry's hips.  Harry groaned into Eggsy’s lips as his hands encircled Eggsy’s waist again.  Eggsy felt wonderful on top of him like that, and Harry touched him hungrily, hands gliding down over his muscular thighs, then up his chest and back and into his hair.  Harry panted around open mouthed kisses while Eggsy made fists of his shirt, tugging at it and whining. 

It took Harry a moment to realize what he wanted.  When he did, he broke the kiss and sat up to let Eggsy pull the shirt over his head.

And then he was lost again- in the new sensation of Eggsy’s hands on bare skin. 

When he had recovered his senses enough, Harry tightened his grip on Eggsy and took more of his weight, lifting him up and then spilling him out across the covers.  Eggsy gave a yelp that turned into a moan as Harry settled on top of him and pressed wet kisses to the pale curve of his neck. 

“All right?” Harry asked again. 

That time Eggsy didn’t even manage foul language, he just sighed out Harry’s name and lay there, soft and pliant, underneath him. 

Harry smiled and kissed along Eggsy’s collarbone.  He tasted so nice, and Harry worked down his chest to suck at a nipple.  Eggsy mewled prettily and arched underneath him, so Harry suckled for a bit longer before he worked down, burying his face in Eggsy’s stomach again. 

“Harry,” Eggsy said again, whispering it like a prayer.  “Harry, Harry.”

Harry found Eggsy’s hands where they had fallen useless at his sides, and laced their fingers together.  He nuzzled back up to Eggsy’s mouth, kissing him again.  At the same time he drew their joined hands up above Eggsy’s head.  Eggsy felt so good underneath him, and his tongue flickered against Harry’s like he still hadn't gotten enough of his taste.  Harry knew the feeling. 

He released Eggsy’s hands slowly and stroked down his arms.  “All right?” he asked one more time. 

“Yes.  _Yes_.” 

Harry hummed and dragged his hands down Eggsy's chest to his hips.  "Where was I?"

Eggsy didn’t answer- not that Harry had needed him to.  He wasted no time dipping down to Eggsy’s cock and swallowing it again.  He kept one eye on Eggsy’s face- on those eyes closed and that mouth open in delight, on those hands still above his head now making fists of the bedclothes, on those hips lifted to work him deeper into Harry’s willing throat.  _Beautiful_ hardly described how he looked in that moment.  Harry wasn’t sure any words could.  “Fuck, Harry,” Eggsy ground out.  He made a noise halfway between a groan and a whimper.  “I’m gonna-”

Harry pulled off a little- just enough to wrap his fingers around Eggsy’s base again and stroke him. 

Eggsy made that gorgeous noise again and his hips jerked him up into the back of Harry’s throat.  Harry gagged a little, spilled a little, but he swallowed most of Eggsy’s come as it splattered into his mouth.  The taste and smell of Eggsy was sharp, overwhelming Harry’s senses, and he held on for as long as he could, keeping Eggsy in his mouth as he softened. 

“Jesus, Harry,” Eggsy breathed. 

Harry released Eggsy’s cock and pushed the spilled drops into his mouth with his thumb.  He didn't fight the self-satisfied smirk spreading across his face- he had little reason to, after all.  Eggsy wore a look of such stunned pleasure as he drew Harry up into a kiss again, licking into his mouth and groaning. 

“Fuck, Harry,” Eggsy was all but babbling against his lips.  “ _Fuck_.”

“I would certainly like to,” Harry said, when he thought Eggsy was recovered enough to appreciate it but still dazed enough to be shocked.

Eggsy jerked back from his mouth, grin satisfactorily wide.  “ _Yes_ ,” he said.  He kissed Harry again, and again, and again until his smile turned sly against Harry's lips and he whispered, "If you think you can manage it, that is.”

Harry lifted an eyebrow, sliding one hand down Eggsy’s stomach to cup his spent cock.  “Do you doubt it?” he asked.  He thought he had more than proven that he could satisfy Eggsy.

Eggsy made a strangled noise at the contact on over-sensitized flesh.  He said, “It’s just that you wanted me to know you’re just so _old_ , and I don’t want to get my expectations too _high_ , now do I?”

"Let me tell you something,” Harry said, pressing up against Eggsy so that he would feel the proper weight and hardness of him.  “It will be some time yet, I think, before I am in any danger on that score.”

Eggsy laughed.  "You sure?"

Harry kissed him hard, biting at his lips.  “Very sure,” he said, giving his hips a roll before moving away from Eggsy entirely.  “And just for that, I'm going to make you wait for it.”   

Eggsy pouted impressively.

Harry laughed and crawled toward his bedside table to search through the drawer. 

He heard Eggsy say, “We’ll see about that,” with a confidence he wasn’t sure was entirely warranted.  Eggsy had proved himself far too easy to wait out.  

Harry found the lube and a few condoms.  He held one up for Eggsy perusal.  “Your feelings on these?”

Eggsy shrugged.  He was smirking a little, but there was such heat in his eyes.  “Don’t care.  And you know I’m clean.”

Harry did know that; it was a simple matter of getting into Merlin’s medical records- an easy enough task, since Merlin, so careful in most areas, refused to accept that anyone in Kingsman could crack his passwords.  Still... “The cleanup is easier with them.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said.  He caught the packet when Harry tossed it his way and then crawled back over to him.

“Now,” Harry said again.  “Where was I?”

“You was telling me how you’d make me wait,” Eggsy said.  His legs were spread wantonly, and he obviously knew exactly what a gorgeous picture he made, lying there like that just for Harry.  He was still soft, but his cock twitched a little when he saw Harry’s hands go to his own waistband.  He would be hard again soon; Harry was sure of it.

“Yes, of course,” Harry said, smiling.  He pushed at his waistband a little, letting his pajama bottoms ride lower on his hips.  “And you were expressing doubts, I believe.”

Eggsy let his legs fall even further apart.  “I was thinking I might be able to get you to change your mind.”

“Is that right?” Harry asked.  He slipped his thumb underneath his waistband and pulled his bottoms down- pants and all.  It wasn’t perhaps the most graceful move in the world, but Harry tried to keep it seductive.  Judging from the way Eggsy’s eyes slid down his torso like a caress and lingered on his cock, he succeeded.

Eggsy’s tongue flickered out across his lips.  His cock twitched again. 

“You see,” Harry said slowly, as he crawled toward Eggsy and reached out for him, his fingertips dancing along Eggsy’s throat, “I was imagining something... rather different.”

“Yeah?”  Eggsy’s voice was dry and unusually reedy.

“Yes.  I was hoping to see just how much you can take, my Eggsy.  Wouldn’t you like to show me that?”

Harry kept his tone as light as possible.  He didn’t want it to sound as though he was playing on Eggsy’s guilt, which he knew existed.  He was sorry for having made Harry wait, sorry that his doubts could have cost them something beautiful had Harry been just a little less stubborn.  Harry knew all that, and he didn’t want to manipulate it- he was speaking, instead, to a much older part of Eggsy.  The part that always seemed to come _alive_ when Harry challenged him- when they challenged each other. 

Eggsy was absolutely still for a long moment, but finally he nodded- his eyes wide, his movements a little jerky. 

Harry laid a hand on Eggsy’s flank.  “Can you say it for me?”

“Yes.  _Yes_ , Harry.” 

Harry smiled.  “Good,” he said, still savoring the heat of Eggsy under his hand.  “That’s good.”  Eggsy pulled a face at the praise, as if he found it demeaning, but the heat in his eyes was far from gone- indeed, it had only heightened.  He liked it when Harry spoke to him that way- and one day Harry would get him to admit it.  For now he would be patient, and take what was already so gorgeously on offer.  He slid his hand lower, down Eggsy’s strong leg to his knee, and pressed his lips to Eggsy’s thigh.  “Just tell me when you’ve had enough.”

Eggsy’s eyes lit, and Harry could see that he was remembering how all this started, with Harry promising to stop trying if Eggsy told him to- but _only_ if Eggsy told him to. 

It was good to see that he could smile about it.  That as guilty as he did clearly feel sometimes, he knew Harry loved him however slowly he had come around, and would do it all again in a heartbeat.

“Oh, I’ll tell you,” Eggsy said.

"Excellent.”  Harry pressed another quick kiss to Eggsy’s thigh and then pushed him back into the bedclothes.  He watched Eggsy’s face carefully, but he showed no sign of displeasure, or even much surprise- now that he knew what Harry was up to he seemed willing to give him free reign, and confident that he would enjoy himself in the process. 

For that Harry crawled up to meet his lips, giving him a long, wet kiss.  Eggsy’s mouth was shining and swollen when Harry backed off again to enjoy the sight of him. 

“I hope you know,” Harry said quietly.  “I hope you know just how beautiful you are.  And how much I have wanted you.”

Eggsy nodded weakly, something fragile and utterly sweet in his face.  He said, “Yes, Harry,” again.

Harry smiled.  “That’s it,” he said.  He bent and kissed Eggsy’s neck.  “Good.  So good.”

Eggsy made a noise caught somewhere between a laugh and sigh.  He lay back, letting Harry do as he liked, and what Harry liked included kissing every bit of Eggsy that he could.  Harry’s cock pulsed between his legs, but he ignored it.  He kissed down Eggsy’s neck, and then down that tempting trail leading to his cock.  This time, though, Harry bypassed that part of Eggsy- returning his attention to Eggsy’s gorgeous thighs instead. 

He peppered kisses all around them and then moved down Eggsy's legs toward his knees, hands still resting on his hips.  Eggsy made the loveliest noises as Harry kissed him, these gorgeous little sighs and whimpers that Harry wasn’t sure he would ever get enough of.  Eventually Harry settled a little higher between Eggsy’s spread legs and reached for the lube.  This too he intended to take his time with- but his cock was throbbing now at the thought of more; there was only so long he was willing to make himself wait. 

“Ready?” he asked after thoroughly slicking his fingers.

Eggsy nodded jerkily, staring down at Harry with such wide eyes.  “Yeah,” he said.  “Yeah, Harry, shit.”

Harry grinned and reached out, just circling Eggsy’s rim at first with a light finger.  Eggsy was very relaxed.  It struck Harry as distinctly possible that Eggsy had been touching himself in the shower, because the moment Harry put the smallest pressure on Eggsy’s hole he sank in deep.  Eggsy was incredibly hot, and the tightness of him was overwhelming.  Harry’s cock pulsed when he thought about being inside Eggsy, but he reminded himself that waiting had only brought good things so far. 

Still, he didn’t waste time moving to two fingers, and the harsh groan Eggsy gave when he pressed them deep and stretched them out was very promising indeed.  He made such a picture with his head thrown back and his legs spread wide. 

“You are so lovely,” Harry told Eggsy as he worked his fingers in and out. 

He moved to three, enjoying the way Eggsy’s cock plumped before his eyes.  He continued to murmur words of praise and affection as he fucked Eggsy with his fingers.  “Fucking hell, Harry,” Eggsy finally choked out.

“Do you need more?” Harry asked gently.  Eggsy had only to ask. 

“Harry,” was all Eggsy managed.

Harry was almost sorry for pushing him- after all, he knew how much Eggsy hated to lose- but if good things had come to Harry for waiting, good things had come to Eggsy for seeing things from Harry's side.  Harry wrapped the hand that wasn’t currently pressed inside Eggsy around his own cock.  He had to be careful not to stroke himself too much, or he would come before either of them wanted him to- but the noise Eggsy made when he lifted his head and saw what Harry was doing made it all worth it.  Harry said, “Come now- don’t you want to feel me?”

“Yes, Harry,” Eggsy gasped out. 

“Then say it for me.”

“Fuck- fuck me,” Eggsy said.  “Christ, Harry, I don’t wanna wait anymore.  Please.  Please.”  It was like floodgates had opened the moment Eggsy allowed himself to speak.  “Want you.  Please.”  Harry didn’t mind the babbling, not at all, but he leaned up- hand still on his cock- and slid forward to catch Eggsy’s mouth in a deep kiss.

Still kissing Eggsy, Harry drew his fingers out from inside him, and Eggsy moaned against his lips at the loss.  "You have me," Harry said, shushing him gently.  "For as long as you want me.”

“Always,” Eggsy breathed against Harry’s lips.  “Always.”

“Mmm.”  Harry backed off and settled again between Eggsy's legs.  Now that Eggsy had asked, there was nothing Harry wouldn't give him.  He found the condom and slid it onto his cock.  “That’s the spirit,” he said, and guided himself to Eggsy's hole, pressing inside him in a slow but complete stroke.  

Eggsy's head canted back gorgeously. 

Harry had to struggle to keep his eyes open to see it, because Eggsy felt so good, held him so tight.  " _Oh_.  You feel-" he cut himself off with a groan.  He couldn't begin to articulate it, how Eggsy felt.  

Eggsy didn't seem to mind this moment of weakness at all.  He lifted his head, all dark, heavy eyes and fond, smiling mouth.  "Show me."

"Yes," Harry murmured, and he did. 

He rolled his hips tenderly, but worked into Eggsy deep, possessing him completely.  He wanted to take his time still, wanted to make this last forever, but at every stroke he came closer to an edge he had been skirting for far too long to wait much longer. 

His pace quickened almost in spite of him.  He bent to Eggsy and caught his mouth.  "Eggsy," he said between kisses.  "My Eggsy."  He slid his hand down in between their bellies, gripping Eggsy's cock and jerking it time with his thrusts.   

Eggsy groaned against his lips.  With his free hand, Harry fumbled around in the sheets until he found Eggsy's hand and twined their fingers together again. 

Harry shoved into Eggsy once again and felt Eggsy arch beneath him, squeezing his hand tight and starting to spill across his palm.  He fucked Eggsy through it, even as Eggsy grew almost painfully tight around him.  When it was over Eggsy went soft and pliant, panting weakly against Harry's mouth.  Harry thrust a few more times and came himself, kissing Eggsy open-mouthed all the while. 

Harry had the forethought to collapse at Eggsy's side instead on top of him, but for a while that was all he could manage.  He lay beside Eggsy, stroking over his chest and kissing him softly, until he could breathe again.  Then he released Eggsy's hand and carefully eased out of him.

Eggsy made a quiet noise but didn't speak.

Harry kissed him again and sat up.  He disposed of the condom in a bin and reached out for some tissues to clean them off with.  That would have to be enough until they showered later- together, perhaps.  Smiling to himself, Harry gathered Eggsy back into his arms.  "Did I break you?" he asked when Eggsy still didn't say anything.  He pressed a kiss into Eggsy's hair.

"Yes," Eggsy said. 

Harry found his hand again.  “That's a shame," Harry murmured, stroking his thumb across the back.  "I was thinking that you deserved to sleep in for once.  And that in a few hours I might wake you with my mouth.”

"Fucking hell, Harry."  Eggsy cuddled closer against Harry's side.  "God.  I promise not to call you old again."  Otherwise he didn't protest.

Harry chuckled quietly.  Oh yes, he was far from done with Eggsy.  He was fairly sure he would _never_ be done with Eggsy. 

*   *   *

“There something in my teeth again?” Eggsy asked.

Harry blinked and sat back a little in his chair.  “No,” he said slowly, though he did scan Eggsy’s mouth again briefly just to confirm that it was true.  Eggsy looked... perfect.  Utterly kissable.  “Why?”

“You're staring.”  

“Ah,” Harry said.  He regarded Eggsy in silence for a moment, weighing whether or not he ought to apologize for doing so.  He remembered the first time they had dinner together after all this started- remembered that he had stared like the besotted creature he was, and Eggsy had caught him, and Eggsy _had_ ultimately had something in his teeth. 

So much had now changed between them.  

Eggsy had taken Harry's words the morning after they first spent the night together as something of a dare- but, of course, Eggsy took almost everything Harry said and did as something of a dare.  Harry had indulged himself, seeing how much Eggsy could take in every aspect of their new relationship.  How many slow and messy kisses he would tolerate when he woke Harry in the morning before he would climb into the bed and give back as good as he got.  How many innuendos he would listen to during a briefing before he kicked Harry under the table and said through his teeth, "Merlin's gonna kill us, you know that right?  We're going to _die_."  How many times he could make Eggsy come in one night. 

Things had calmed down a little since then, largely because they couldn't very well have sex twenty-four hours a day- even if Harry's libido was surprisingly game to try and Eggsy was, perhaps less surprisingly, likewise enthusiastic.  Harry accepted this calming, because Eggsy was certainly right that Merlin was approaching his limit where PDAs were concerned, and because what he- what _they_ \- found on the other side was even sweeter.  Warm and easy and _right_.  

Harry still stared at Eggsy like the besotted creature he was, though- and he was still sorely tempted to throw Eggsy over the table and ravish him in front of the other patrons.

He wouldn't, because this was their first proper date since all that happened and he didn't intend to ruin it- but he wanted to.   

Eggsy didn't look too uncomfortable- he was a trifle flushed, but he seemed more confused than embarrassed, as if he really couldn’t think of a reason why Harry had been watching him.  Maybe he had thought the consummation of their relationship would leave Harry with little need to stare at him any longer.  Perhaps a part of him- small, but still very real- had wondered if Harry might lose interest once he actually had him.  It was what Merlin had thought in the beginning, wasn't it?  Oh, he had known how much Harry really did love Eggsy, but he had still worried that Harry would get too caught up in the chase.  Perhaps Eggsy had too. 

Harry didn’t want Eggsy to worry about that.  “You look stunning tonight.  That’s all, I swear it.  The last thing I want is you hiding your teeth."

The pink in Eggsy’s cheeks deepened a little- but he was smiling, and that was what mattered. 

“I was wondering what a lovely young thing like you is doing with a foolish old man like me,” Harry added.

Eggsy kicked him under the table.  “Don’t you dare,” he said.  "I remember what happened the last time you started calling yourself old."

Considering that 'what happened' had included Eggsy coming three times before they even had breakfast, Harry didn't think it had gone too badly for him- but he demurred, "Forgive me."  He took a sip of his water. 

Eggsy smiled fondly, and Harry almost choked on his water when Eggsy reached across the table and took his free hand.  

Harry didn't mind Eggsy holding his hand in public- not at all- but he was still surprised by it.  Perhaps he shouldn't have been- he had known, had he not, that Eggsy would give this thing everything he had once he agreed to it? 

Harry realized that he was grinning suddenly, far too wide, and he turned his hand underneath Eggsy's to hold him back.  "So what do you think?" he asked.  "Is the standing reservation worth it?"

"Yeah."  Eggsy's grin widened.  "It was definitely worth the wait.  Though you might tell the owner that one waiter could leer at you a little less."

Harry laughed quietly. 

Michelle had returned to the house she shared with Eggsy- though Eggsy was now spending most of his nights with Harry- and Merlin had been keeping them busy at work, so they were both a little surprised to finally find themselves with an evening free for a date.  Eggsy had mentioned that this was exactly the sort of situation when a standing reservation came in handy, and Harry had agreed. 

So they dressed for a night out- Eggsy had drawn the line at another new suit- and Eggsy smiled unselfconsciously even when Harry had to explain the menu to him, and if anyone raised an eyebrow at Eggsy's way of speaking or how they looked together Harry didn't see it, and he was fairly confident that Eggsy didn't either.  They were too wrapped up in each other.

Eggsy sank a little in his chair.  "Speaking of whom," he said. 

The leering waiter in question approached.  There was no mistaking his certainty was to what would happen between Harry and Eggsy when they went home that night, but Harry loosened his grip on Eggsy's hand all the same.  Work was one thing- that horse had left the barn before they even properly kissed- but Harry wasn't sure how public Eggsy wished to be about their relationship yet.  

Eggsy noticed, of course, and he looked... sad, Harry thought.  He panicked momentarily, but Eggsy only tightened his grip on Harry and lifted their joined hands, pressing his lips to Harry’s knuckles.  He held Harry’s gaze, something sweet in his eyes that calmed Harry immediately.  He didn’t think that Harry didn’t want to be seen holding his hand; he knew that Harry had actually been afraid Eggsy wouldn’t want to be seen holding _his_.  Harry knew he shouldn't be surprised.  Eggsy never gave anything less than his all.  

Harry found himself unable to look at Eggsy- much less the waiter- for a moment, so he lowered his eyes to the table cloth as the waiter reached their table and asked if they were ready to order.

“Yeah, I think so,” Eggsy said, and Harry could hear the friendly smile in his voice.

He was about to let himself look when the phone in his pocket rang.  It was one he had taken to keeping with him now that he and Eggsy would be out in public more often.  It seemed only logical to make sure that Merlin could speak to him and vice versa without Harry seeming to talk to thin air (an awkwardness he was perfectly willing to work around on a mission, but less so on a date), and beyond that wearing the glasses less had become a practical necessity for both of them.  Even Harry sometimes forgot to check if they were broadcasting, and Merlin was so very tired of watching them kiss.  He answered the phone, saying, “Yes, what is it?”

Merlin said, “Something’s come up.”

Harry listened chiefly to Merlin as he explained exactly what had come up- there were some papers that Kingsman had to steal, they would be getting more details on the jet- but in the background he heard Eggsy ordering- the words Harry had taught him slipped off his tongue with an ease that spoke not of how much Eggsy thought he had to change about himself, but of how much he simply loved to learn new things- and then saying, "And would it be possible for us to get that boxed, please?  I think we have to go.”

Harry did glance at Eggsy when he heard that.  Eggsy didn’t look upset- indeed, he was smiling at Harry with great affection- but the waiter suddenly had a vaguely pitying look on his face.  Harry wondered about what he must think.  Did he perhaps picture Harry as some high powered lawyer, too in-demand to even have a proper dinner with his young lover?  Harry felt strange, sorry suddenly for mistakes he hadn’t even made yet.  Looking at Eggsy Harry could see that he had done this himself many times, that he didn’t at all resent Harry for it- and anyway, Eggsy wasn’t to be abandoned.  He would be going _with_ Harry, after all.

But he still wondered if Eggsy wouldn't come to resent all the work calls, all the bizarre twists and turns of their lives.  He wondered if Eggsy wouldn’t come to wish he had chosen a civilian- even with all the friction that entailed- over Harry.

And in that moment he understood better than he ever had before why Eggsy had chosen not trying over _this_ for so long.  To lose Eggsy now would break him utterly. 

But then he looked at Eggsy, and Eggsy was still smiling, still holding his hand, and as the waiter left Eggsy still said, “We can eat it on the plane, yeah?”

And Harry pictured the picnic they could make of it, sitting together on the plane and enjoying their meal as they pored over files and came up with a battle plan.  There was little Harry loved more than making such plans with Eggsy.  And now... it would be even better.  “Yes,” he agreed, squeezing Eggsy's hand. 

*   *   *

Eggsy in battle was poetry in motion.

Harry had known that already, of course.  During his early days as a Kingsman, Eggsy had clearly modeled his fighting style on Harry’s, but from the very start his own natural skills had shown through.  His acrobatic ability, his limberness and flexibility, his elegant range of motion... All were distinct from Harry, and yet somehow fitted to him like a puzzle piece, and when they fought together- back to back or in counterpoint- it flowed like water.  Harry loved that, but he loved watching Eggsy work alone even more. 

At the moment, Eggsy was holding back their current target's henchmen- there were significantly more of them than Merlin had originally implied there would be- while Harry broke into his safe. 

"I don't think this was such a good idea," Eggsy shouted over the comms. 

"Why not?" Harry asked.  "Are you calling my skills into question?"  Not that there _were_ skills to call into question; as much as Harry had hoped to crack the safe by hand- the idea of Harry doing so had seemed to excite Eggsy on the way over- Merlin had insisted he instead use a device the tech branch had recently perfected so they could be absolutely sure it was field functional.  Harry had complained, dutifully, about being always Merlin’s guinea pig, but he hardly minded when it meant he could watch Eggsy work. 

"It's just my _thing_ ," Eggsy said.  "And I woulda said this was more _your_ thing.  Don't you think you should maybe be out here?"

"You're doing marvelously, Eggsy," Harry said- putting enough darkness in his tone to make it clear just what he meant by _marvelously_ without distracting Eggsy too much.  He wondered if Eggsy was reminded of it too- the afternoon all this started, when Eggsy said _I don't think this was such a good idea_ about something very different, and cracked Merlin's safe with such skill.  If someone had told Harry then that he would end up here, with _everything-_ well, in truth he probably would have believed it, but he would still have thanked his lucky stars, and he did so now.  "You're remarkable."

Harry watched Eggsy's face redden a little, as if he could feel Harry's eyes sliding over the strong line of his back and the plush curve of his arse.  "Yeah, well- I think you better pay attention to getting that done so we can get outta here, yeah?  Concentrate."   

"On what?  This device of Merlin's is meant to do all the work."

"I dunno.  Looking good, then."

"But that's effortless."

He heard the click that was Merlin taking someone- Eggsy, Harry assumed- off of the party line temporarily.  Merlin said, "I was foolish, wasn’t I?"

“Sorry,” Harry replied, still resting his shoulder against the safe as Eggsy did his deadly dance in the next room, visible through multiple windows along the far wall.  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Merlin gave a grunt.  “I was foolish to suppose that you would stop staring at him like he’s the best thing you’ve ever seen once you were... together.”

"But he _is_ the best thing I’ve ever seen,” Harry said, though he obediently directed his gaze toward his shoes in case Merlin was at some kind of boiling point.  It wasn't easy to take his eyes off Eggsy, but he knew exactly where Eggsy was and he trusted his skills.  He would be absolutely fine.   "And you know what I like."

Merlin rolled his eyes.  Harry didn’t have to see him to know as much.  “Oh, I do,” he said tartly.  “But now you’re a couple, you're meant to-”

“What?  Pretend that having him is some kind of burden after I did so much to win him?”

“No.  But you certainly might tone it down a bit.  For the sanity of myself and others.”

“It should take a great deal more than me watching Eggsy to damage your sanity, after all that you’ve seen in your time.  Anyway, I have been 'toning it down' and I suspect you know it.”

“Perhaps it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“Nonsense.  The camel is fine.”

“Well.  I thank you for your vote of confidence, but will you please moon a little less all the same?  Your driver's been saying I don't pay him enough.  I don't wish to speculate as to why.”

"I'll try," Harry said at last.  They had been... very affectionate on the way back from their interrupted dinner.  "But it's good for him to be reminded, I think you know that as well as I do.  And there's nothing wrong with still liking the look of him even now that I can look at him naked.”

“Please spare me the details.”

“I’m just so lucky to have this chance,” Harry said.  He was sorry to break the light mood, but it needed saying.  He did feel so very lucky that Eggsy had wanted this after all.  Since Eggsy too had seemed to find it odd that Harry would still enjoy just looking at him now, he was all the more resolved to remind him regularly that having had him did not diminish Harry's desire in the least.   

“He’s lucky too, you know.”  Merlin sounded so much like he was sucking on a lemon as he said it that Harry needed several moments to detect that he was in fact being complimented.  "You were actually quite patient, and I must admit that you handled the whole business with more delicacy than I expected you would.”

“I’m blushing, Merlin.”

“Shut up.” 

“I will,” Harry said.  He stopped looking at his shoes.  “After you tell me if this thing is really meant to take so long.  Because as much fun as my partner appears to be having, I’m not sure this is anywhere near as effective as if I’d been doing it by hand.”  Eggsy did indeed seem to be enjoying himself; he even cast a wink in Harry’s direction the moment he realized that Harry was watching him again.

“Nonsense,” Merlin said.

“You really do need to learn to take criticism.”  Harry could hear the clicking of Merlin’s fingers across a keyboard.  He was clearly investigating the problem even as he denied its existence.

A moment later Merlin grunted.  “It’s possible that the device is not functioning optimally.”

“It’s broken.”

“It's marginally less effective than I anticipated.”

It was extremely difficult not to laugh at Merlin's injured tone, but Harry kept his voice even.  He wanted to finally get his own back.  “It’s _broken_.”

“Fine.  Yes.  It’s broken.”

“This is exactly why I complain about always being your guinea pig.  Make Lancelot suffer next time, why don’t you?”

"Just get on your knees.”

“Don’t let a certain someone hear you say that,” Harry said, already complying.  He really had been looking forward to this.  

“Give me strength,” Merlin muttered.

On the other side of the glass, something in the tenor of the fight changed.  Harry wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, and he decided not to look.  Better to get this done, since they had wasted so much time already.

Only once he had gotten the safe open did Harry glance over his shoulder to check the situation in the room beyond.  Every single henchman was lying on the floor, and Eggsy was leaning against the glass, watching Harry like he had never seen anything more delicious in his life- which, after the sumptuous meal they had shared on the plane, was saying something. 

"I think I love seeing you breaking into shit," Harry heard Eggsy say through the glass. 

“I’m glad,” Harry replied.  He tracked down the papers they were meant to be stealing and tucked them into his jacket, and then he stepped out of the safe room.  “Ready to get out of here?” he asked, crooking his arm.

Eggsy took it with a laugh.  "Yeah." 

Merlin made a retching noise.  “It’s going to be your five-year anniversary before I get any peace, isn’t it?” he asked.

“At least,” Harry agreed. 

“What's that?” Eggsy asked, glancing over at Harry and lifting a brow.  He wasn't back on the party line yet and thus hadn't heard Merlin. 

“You’ll work it out,” Harry replied.  Eggsy would have all the time he needed to understand that Harry wasn't going anywhere- and then some.

They made it back to the plane without incident.  Harry had enjoyed being back in the field with Eggsy, enjoyed having proof that he was right about how good they would be together- in all aspects of their lives.  It had always been wonderful to work with Eggsy, and it was even better now. 

Still, Harry felt a bit... off.  He sat down in one of the seats, glad to be off his feet.  He wasn't sure quite what was the matter, so he zeroed in on the most likely thing: "Have I apologized yet?  For our interrupted date?"

"Don't be sorry, Harry," Eggsy said as he flopped down beside him.  "I ain't."  His elbow was warm against Harry’s arm.  “That was _sick_."

"And we can always try again," Harry mused.  Sooner or later, one of their dates would have to go well.  It was a simple law of averages. 

"Yeah," Eggsy said, grinning. 

"So you weren't..."  Harry hesitated.  Having done so much to combat Eggsy's doubts he didn't wish to dwell on his own, but he felt the need to ask.  "Disappointed?  I did wonder, you know.  If..." _If I was too old.  If we were too busy.  If this thing between us would get in the way of the job or the job would get in the way of us._

"No way."  Eggsy laid his hand over Harry’s, his fingers sweetly interlacing with Harry’s own, and rested his head on Harry's shoulder.  "Thank you," he said quietly.  He lifted their joined hands and pressed a kiss to Harry's knuckles.  

"For what?"  Harry was confused.  Eggsy's lack of disappointment aside, the dinner hadn't been exactly perfection.  It was Eggsy who had been forced to handle most of the awkwardness of leaving early, and Eggsy who had paid the bill while Harry was still negotiating with Merlin.  What had Harry done?

Eggsy rubbed his nose against Harry's shoulder and laughed softly.  "For us, I guess.  For not giving up on me.  All joking about your age and shit aside, you must've had doubts.”

Harry considered his answer carefully.  "I won't deny asking myself, a few times, if I was mad to push for more when you'd already given me so much, and when losing you would-" Harry choked and cut himself off.  _That_ was still a little too fresh for him to speak of it easily.  "But I always knew how right this could be."  And whatever he had worried after they were interrupted, he still did. 

"And you were," Eggsy agreed, without a trace of doubt left in his voice.  "You were right."

Harry curled his free hand around both of them and carded his fingers through Eggsy’s hair, kissing the top of his head.  “Well," he murmured.  For a moment his throat closed up around anything more.  Finally he added, "Shall we try again tomorrow night?  For dinner, I mean?"

“Mm-mm,” Eggsy said, voice muffled and a little sleepy, as if he was only just realizing how tired he was.

“What’s that?” Harry asked.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday."

“Meaning?”

“Meaning we're gonna have dinner with my mum and Daisy on Sunday nights.”

Harry’s fingers stopped in their progress through Eggsy’s hair.  “Are you... are you sure about that?” he asked.  He and Michelle had grown friendlier, it was true, but that would be... something very different.  

"'Course I am." 

 _Of course he is_ , Harry thought.  This- this was going to be their life now, through interrupted dates and Merlin's complaints and prickly dinners with Michelle.  And if they had five years or fifty, there would be no regrets. 

"Love you," Eggsy said, just as he dropped off.

Harry kissed Eggsy's hair as fiercely as he could without waking him.  Eggsy had made it clear before, in so many little ways, but it meant everything to Harry to hear it.  "And I you."  He buried his nose in Eggsy's hair and looked out the window, watching as the world fell away from them.  "Sleep now.  I'll wake you when we get home."

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on [tumblr](http://potentiality-26.tumblr.com/).


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